


Castles in the Sand

by palominopup



Series: Winchester Bay [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Coast Guard Dean, Gay Sex, M/M, mild homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-16 07:26:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 61,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4616538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palominopup/pseuds/palominopup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part two of the Winchester Bay series.  Their story told through Cas' eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Full Circle

**Author's Note:**

> This is simply a re-telling of the ROUGH SEAS saga, but through Cas' eyes this time.
> 
> For those of you who like my stuff, I've created a FB group page. I'll post my stuff there and you can give me prompts. https://www.facebook.com/groups/550258875175871/

** **

 

 

**Prologue**

  
**May 2011**

  
_Castiel and his crew tied up the Angel and once the paperwork was done and the day’s catch loaded on the refrigerated truck, Castiel headed to the small grocery store to buy a bottle of wine. Will said he was cooking something special._

  
_The little store was busy and Cas had to wait in line. Naomi, the store’s owner took pity on him and opened the other register._

  
_“Good catch today, Castiel?”_

  
_“Yes, over a thousand pounds.”_

  
_“That’s good. Hey, weren’t you friends with Mary’s son, Dean?”_

  
_Castiel’s heart seemed to stop. He couldn’t speak, so he nodded. Stupid…stupid…stupid. Dean had been gone a long time and wasn’t ever coming back._

  
_“Well, Mary told me that he’s getting married. You heard he joined the Coast Guard didn’t you? Met some woman in Key West. Mary wanted to fly down for his wedding, but he told her they were just going to the justice of the peace. Imagine that? Mary didn’t say, but I’m wondering if he knocked the girl up. He always was a charmer and with those looks of his. Hell’s bells, all those Winchester men were lookers…even John, God rest his soul.”_

  
_Castiel was listening…only he wasn’t. Dean was getting married. To a woman._

  
_He excused himself and put the wine back. The bottle of tequila sounded better. He paid for the alcohol and walked out to the white SUV with the Novak Brothers logo painted on the door. He drove up to the houseboat on autopilot. Castiel could see the lights on inside the houseboat._

  
_Will turned from the stove and smiled at him when he walked in. “We are celebrating tonight.”_

  
_“Celebrating?” Castiel’s tone was flat, but Will didn’t seem to notice._

  
_“I finished the book, Silly Man. I mailed that sucker off today.”_

  
_“Oh.” Castiel strode into the kitchen and got a glass out of the cabinet. He poured himself a healthy shot of tequila. Will frowned._

  
_“You okay?” He looked pointedly at the bottle in Castiel’s hands. “I’ve never seen you drink tequila.”_

  
_“Just fucking peachy.” Castiel knew he sounded belligerent but couldn’t make himself care. He shot back the tequila and poured another._

  
_“Castiel, something is obviously wrong. Please tell me what it is.”_

  
_“I’m not in the mood to talk.” Castiel threw back his second shot._

  
_Will, ever the perfect boyfriend, changed tactics. “I made your favorite.” He proudly uncovered the smothered pork chops and the smell was nauseating to Castiel._

  
_“I’m going to take a shower,” Castiel said, taking the bottle with him. He drank directly out of the bottle while he undressed and got the water hot enough. By the time he made it back to the kitchen, half the bottle was gone. If Will noticed, he didn’t say anything._

  
_Castiel pinned Will against the counter and gave him a punishing kiss. Dean was nothing to him anymore. Will loved him. Will wanted him, even when he was being a dick._

  
_Will pushed against him, but Castiel was relentless. Will began to kiss back. He unbuckled Will’s belt and rutting against him. “Let’s take this to the bedroom,” Will offered._

  
_Castiel tugged off the jeans he’d just put on not ten minutes before. Will was carefully folding his shirt when Castiel ripped it out of his hand. He shoved Will’s khaki pants down around his ankles and palmed Will’s flaccid cock. “Come on…don’t I turn you on anymore?”_

  
_“You know you do, Castiel. You know I love you.” Castiel snarled and pushed his lover back onto the bed they’d shared for almost a year. He took the lube off their nightstand and began to open Will up. Will was writhing on the bed, seemingly turned on by Castiel’s rough behavior. His cock was hard under Castiel’s hand now. “God, feels so good. Hurry, Darling.”_

  
_He rolled the condom onto his shaft and looked down at Will. He was on his hands and knees, hole slick and waiting for Castiel’s dick. Castiel pushed into his moist heat and closed his eyes._

  
_“Fuck me, Baby…” Castiel began to move and soon was pumping fast and hard into Will’s body. He was close…so close…Will’s ass was tight…_

  
_Castiel felt the intense rush of heat in his belly. “Dean…God…DeanDeanDean.” He emptied himself into the condom, panting hard. He reached under Will to help him get off, but Will pushed his hand away. He jerked away from Castiel, pulling the sheets around him. His face was ashen._

  
_“What’s wrong?” Castiel, with the help of Jose Cuervo and an orgasm, had calmed down._

  
_“You called me Dean.” Will’s words cut Castiel like a knife. He knew his face paled._

  
_“No…”_

  
_“Yes. You. Did. I’ll never be able to compete with the ghost of Dean Winchester, will I?”_

  
_“Will, please…”_

  
_“Will I?” Will all but screamed at Castiel._

  
_Castiel couldn’t speak. He sat there, his cock still encased in the condom, feeling like a bastard._

  
_Will pushed the sheets aside and stood up. He pulled on his pants and shirt with jerky movements. Then he opened the closet and pulled out his suitcase. “What…what are you doing?”_

  
_“For almost a fucking year, I’ve loved you…knowing you didn’t love me…”_

  
_“I do love…”_

  
_“Shut up, Castiel. Shut up! Don’t lie…not now…not after…that…” He pointed to the bed and Castiel winced._

  
_“I can’t do this anymore. I thought I could win your heart, but Dean Winchester still has his claws in it.”_

  
_Castiel stood up and let the condom fall to the bed. He dressed quickly and left the bedroom. Left Will steadfastly packing his belongings. He grabbed the bottle of tequila and his truck keys._

  
_The next thing he remembered was waking up in the hospital. His brothers were standing around him while a nurse added something to his IV. Luc nodded and one by one, his brothers left the room. The nurse scurried out. “What in the hell were you thinking?” Luc’s voice was colder than Castiel had ever heard it._

  
_“What happened?”_

  
_“Fuck, Castiel…Victor found a half empty bottle of tequila in your truck… you wrapped your truck around a fucking tree.”_

  
_Castiel’s head was throbbing. He’d wrecked his truck…tequila…it all began to come back to him. Will…Dean… “I fucked up.”_

  
_“You think? Jesus H. Christ, Castiel. What is going on? You rarely drink at all and then all of a sudden you tie one on and get behind the wheel. It’s a good fucking thing you didn’t hit anyone.” Luc ran his fingers through his hair and turned from Castiel. He took a deep breath._

  
_“What happened?” His voice was calmer._

  
_“Dean got married…to a woman.” Castiel felt the sting in his eyes as tears threatened._

  
_Luc turned back around. “Castiel…you’ve got to let go of that sorry son of a bitch.”_

  
_“I was just a fucking experiment, wasn’t I? Let’s fuck a man for awhile…just to see what it’s like. God, I was so stupid.”_

  
_“You weren’t stupid.”_

  
_Luc let him cry and lament for a long time that night. His other brothers came in to say goodnight and he was left alone. The nurse came in and gave him something for the pain and he sank into a deep, dreamless sleep._

  
_Castiel picked at his breakfast the next morning. He wasn’t hungry. His shoulder hurt. His ribs hurt. His head hurt. There was a tentative knock on his door and then it eased open. Will stood in the doorway. “Can I come in?”_

  
_“Sure.” What else could Castiel say to the man to make what he’d done better?_

  
_He came to the bed and took Castiel’s hand. “I forgive you, Castiel. We can work this out. We can get through this.”_

  
_Castiel shook his head. He couldn’t hurt Will anymore. “No, Will. I…I don’t love you. I’ve tried…”_

  
_A tear rolled down Will’s cheek and Castiel watched its salty trail until it dripped off Will’s chin. “Castiel…please….”_

  
_“Will, I care about you. More than you will ever know, but I can’t be who you want me to be. Last night proved that.”_

  
_“You still love him?” It was stated as fact…in a soft and flat tone. “You still love that man that broke your heart into a million pieces.”_

  
_Castiel didn’t respond. He couldn’t. “I think it would be best if you moved back to Portland.” Castiel couldn’t meet Will’s eyes. He heard the door open and shut and he buried his face into the pillow._

  
**Chapter 1**

  
**Tuesday, June 23, 2015**

  
The Angel cut through the water. Castiel stood at the helm deep in thought. Will had called again last night. It had been a little over two years since he’d gone back to Portland, but he still called. He still hoped Castiel would ‘come to his senses’. In a weak moment, Castiel had driven to Portland one weekend and stayed with Will. The sex was good, but it had given Will false hope and Castiel vowed it would never happen again.

  
He’d remained celibate since. There weren’t a lot of gay men in Winchester Bay. There was Davey Johnson, who was spending his summer on the Loki II, Gabriel’s boat. Sweet kid, even kind of pretty, but only eighteen. So not happening, even though Castiel did think the kid was crushing on him. And then there as Joe Addison, one of the drivers for the seafood packing houses. Joe was also a nice guy, only he weighed in at almost three hundred pounds and was covered in body hair. Castiel used his right hand when the need got out of control.

  
Castiel looked on deck and saw his first mate, Ash, preparing the catch. They had a good haul and were heading into port.

  
Through the grapevine, Castiel knew Dean Winchester was home. An officer in the Coast Guard. Castiel couldn’t even imagine the gangly young man he loved all those years ago as a stiff military officer. In a town as small as Winchester Bay, you couldn’t avoid gossip. Castiel knew way more about Dean than he wanted to know. He knew the man was back…with a kid. Castiel knew Dean’s wife was killed two years ago too. Not that any of that concerned Castiel. Dean Winchester could go to hell as far as he was concerned.

  
After he showered at his brother’s house and changed, he met his friends, Chuck and Benny, at The Roadhouse. They shared a few beers and the subject of Dean never came up, despite that fact that they were in the Coast Guard and knew the man. Castiel made sure to keep the topic of conversation moving in other directions.

  
**Wednesday**

  
The next morning, it was windy and there was a heavy chop, but the NWS hadn’t issued a warning, so most of the fleet went out. Castiel was seven miles out when the small craft advisory came over the radio. He motioned for Ash and his crew to stow the rigging and turned the Angel towards home. Ten foot seas rocked the boat from side to side and Castiel ordered everyone below. The squall had come up fast. He was only four miles from home when a twenty foot wave came over the bow. Castiel lost his grip on the helm and he went crashing to the deck. Ash pulled himself up through the hatch.

  
“The bilge pump isn’t working, Castiel. We’re taking on water fast.”

  
“Fuck!” Castiel shouted over the sound of the storm. He got on the radio.

  
“Coast Guard Station Umpqua River…this is the fishing boat Angel out of Winchester Bay. We are taking on water. Latitude 43.921. Longitude -124.5. I repeat, this is the fishing boat Angel, Latitude 43.921, Longitude -124.5.”

  
“We copy that, Angel. Please be advised we’ve got a cutter three miles away.”

  
“Copy.” Castiel hooked the mic back up and held on. “I’ll just wait here then,” he said to no one in particular.

  
Below decks, Castiel knew Ash and his crew were working on the bilge. He just prayed they would get it working. Ash reported they were standing in two feet of water down there. At this rate, with that much weight, plus more water coming in, the Angel wouldn’t make it. He took the time to radio his brothers. Hopefully, they made it into port.

  
“Novak Base, this is the Angel. Come in.”

  
“Angel, this is Novak Base. Castiel, it’s Luc. I just heard your distress call. Are you okay?”

  
“We’re taking on a lot of water and the pump is down.”

  
Castiel thought he’d lost the connection because there was silence. “Luc?”

  
“I’m here. Be careful, Castiel.” Castiel smiled. He knew his oldest brother would be pacing like a caged lion.

  
“Buy me a beer later. Angel, out.”

  
Castiel looked out the front window of the pilothouse. The rain was coming down in sheets and he could hear the rigging banging against the metal poles. A flash of orange on the horizon caught his attention. The cutter was close. He called down for his crew to come topside. He watched as his men clipped their safety harnesses onto the cables. He counted his men…Ash, Jamie, Sonny, Tim…where was Sean? He spotted the youngest member of the crew and saw that he wasn’t hooked onto the safety cable. He called out to Ash and pointed, hoping to convey his concern, when another huge wave came over the bow. Sean was swept off the starboard side. Castiel cried out. The kid was only nineteen.

  
Ash was on it. He threw the boy a rope and Castiel breathed a sigh of relief when the young man wrapped the rope around his arm, gripping it tightly with both hands. The poor kid’s face was a mask of terror as he bobbed in the rough seas.

  
“This is the Coast Guard Cutter Chinook, do you copy?” A voice crackled over the radio.

  
“This is the Angel out of Winchester Bay. Over.

  
“Angel, we are coming along your starboard side.”

  
“I’ve got a man in the water on my starboard.”

  
Castiel saw men scrambling on the deck of the big cutter. The vessel was drawing closer and closer. Castiel left the pilothouse and made his way to the deck. Castiel’s crew and the Coasties tied off quickly. Divers hit the water to rescue Sean.

  
Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion now. Sean was aboard the cutter, as was his men. Castiel was the last to come aboard. He stood at the bow of the cutter, looking down at the Angel. She was listing to the port side. In his head, he knew she was going to go down. His nails dug into his palms.

  
A voice ripped through the storm, “Cut her loose”. Castiel surged forward on instinct. He tried to grab at the ropes, shouting at them to stop. A uniformed man grabbed his shoulders.

  
“Let me go. I’m okay.” Castiel stood as the Angel tipped to her side. He was vaguely aware of shouting going on around him and the men hurrying off the deck.

  
Angi Myers appeared next to him, still in her wetsuit. She took his arm “Castiel, you need to get below deck.” Angry at the world, Castiel brushed her off.

  
“Leave me alone, Angi.”

  
“You can’t save her. Come on.”

  
“Just go,” Castiel yelled back at her.

  
Angi looked behind him and spoke. “Lieutenant Commander, this is the captain of the Angel, he refuses…”

  
Castiel spun around spoiling for a fight and his eyes widened. It was Dean standing there. Dean in a Coast Guard uniform and an orange life vest, his billed cap not able to keep the rain from his face.

  
“Cas.”

  
Castiel snatched his arm away from Angi and pushed past Dean. He fought against the wind and pelting rain to get to the hatch where his men had disappeared. Once inside, he slammed the heavy metal door shut. He stood there, shaking in fury and shock. Of all the people sent to rescue him, it had to be Dean.

  
You didn’t live in Winchester Bay long and not know your way around the Chinook. She was the pride of the small station. Tours were given all the time, so Castiel quickly made his way to the galley. The hundred foot boat rocked side to side and he bounced off the walls a few times before he made it to the large room. His men were already there, wrapped in blankets. Castiel knelt in front of them, his hand on Sean’s leg. “Are you okay? All of you?”

  
He got tired nods from his crew. He stood up and turned to Rufus Turner. “You okay, Castiel?”

  
“Not really,” Castiel said ruefully. He was cold, wet and tired. “Thanks for taking care of my crew, Rufus. I owe you one.”

  
“Just doing my job.”

  
“Turner, can you get a blanket for Mr. Novak?” Rufus looked over Castiel’s shoulder at Dean, who had appeared behind Castiel. He nodded and left the galley. Castiel refused to look at Dean. He looked over at his men instead.

  
“Cas, you need to get warm.”

  
“Don’t. I just watched my life sink because you gave the order for no tow lines. You could have saved her.” Castiel knew there was nothing they could have done, but his anger at Dean was bubbling at the surface and he wanted to blame him for everything that was wrong with his life. Everything that had gone wrong in the past fourteen years.

  
“No, Cas. Your boat was almost fifty feet long. The Chinook is only a hundred. If we would have held her, she would have dragged us down with her. I couldn’t risk my men. I wouldn’t risk their lives or yours.”

  
Castiel didn’t respond. He turned away and walked to the bench were his men sat. He sat down next to Ash. Rufus brought him a blanket and he huddled beneath it until he felt the engines slow. They were in the calmer water of the river now. It wasn’t long before he heard the reverse thrust of the heavy boat as she was docked. Castiel and his men stood, leaving the blankets behind, and made their way topside. From the deck, he saw the SUVs waiting for them. They hurried down the gangplank and Castiel got in the SUV driven by Luc. His brother, never one for showing affection, clasped his shoulder. “Welcome home.”

  
Castiel nodded and said matter-of-factly, “She went down.”

  
“Yeah.” Luc put the truck in drive and pulled away from the dock.

  
**Thursday**

  
Castiel got up with his alarm and was dressed for the day when he remembered. No boat, no fishing. He went to the docks anyway. Decisions had to be made, insurance had to be filed.

  
He met Luc, Michael and Balthazar at their office near the main docks. “Where’s Gabriel?”

  
“He’s already down at the Loki II. She had an oil leak and he’s getting that taken care of,” Michael said.

  
Castiel moved to the filing cabinet and found the folder he was looking for. The insurance policies on their entire fleet was in the thick file.

  
“We talked it out and we have the money to pay your men their wages until you get a new boat. Jamie and Ash will crew with me, Sonny is already down at the Loki II, Tim will be with Balthazar and Sean will be working in the office until he finds more work.”

  
Castiel looked at Luc sharply. “What do you mean, find more work?”

  
“Sean told Michael yesterday that he wasn’t going out again. He’s going to try to get on with the packing plants. Michael told him we’d give him a good recommendation.”

  
Castiel ran his hands over his face. “He was never cut out for this.” Sean was the son of Luc’s first mate. The boy had wanted to go to college, but his father was a stubborn fool. “I’m going to make some calls, see if I can get him a scholarship at the community college in Eugene.”

  
Luc’s answer was to pat him on his back.

  
He spent the day filing paperwork and searching online for a new boat. With nothing else to do, Castiel shut off the computer. He laid his head on the desk. His mind drifted back fourteen years.

  
**Fourteen Years Ago**

  
_“Come on, Dean. You said he was in Eugene.”_

  
_“Yeah, but Jesus, Cas, it’s my father’s boat…”_

  
_Castiel shrugged. They had been hiding their relationship from just about everyone. Besides Castiel’s brothers, Sam and Mary…maybe Bobby…no one knew they were hopelessly in love._

  
_“Okay.”_

  
_“Okay?”_

  
_“Yeah.” Dean grabbed his hand and pulled him to the Impala. He parked by the harbor master’s office, well hidden from the street and the boarded the Mary Kate. Dean had a key and within minutes, they were naked on one of the bunks in the forward cabin. They were kissing. Dean had his hand on Castiel’s cock, jerking him off, while Castiel was sucking on Dean’s nipples. They were giggling like school children when John showed up._

  
_“You little bastard,” Castiel remembered John’s words and the furious look on his face like it was yesterday. Dean and Castiel sprang apart. Castiel stared at Dean’s father defiantly. “Fucking faggots.” He pointed to Castiel. “You get off my boat.”_

  
_Castiel raised his chin and opened his mouth to tell the man… what…he had no idea, anything to make him stop looking at Dean like he was garbage. Dean got his attention. “Cas, please, just go,” he pleaded. Castiel didn’t want to leave him, but Dean knew his father better than Castiel did. His presence might make things worse. He quickly put on his pants and left._

  
_His mother’s house was dark when he got there. He let himself in and crept up to his room at the top of the stairs. Abigail Novak was probably in her room on her knees praying for his soul. He was the only one of her children left at the house. A religious zealot of epic proportions, Abigail would have kicked him out if she’d known he was gay. John Winchester and his mother were the only two reasons, Dean and Castiel couldn’t shout their love from the rooftops._

  
He lifted his head. He wasn’t going to waste another minute thinking about Dean. He was irritated and exhausted by the time his brothers’ boats were pulling into port.

  
Castiel was helping Gabriel unload his catch when Balthazar came up to them. “I saw Winchester today. Fucking bastard was out on harbor patrol with Chuck.”

  
“Yeah, I heard he was doing rotations on all the boats,” Gabriel said as he hoisted another crate into the back of the refrigerated truck.

  
Castiel walked away. Even his brothers were talking about Dean. It seemed like he couldn’t get away from him.

  
That night, Castiel rummaged in the cabinets until he found the unopened bottle of vodka he’d gotten for his birthday. Other than an occasional beer, Castiel hadn’t drank alcohol since that fateful night.

  
He sipped at the vodka as he stood on the deck of his houseboat, the sounds of the night surrounding him. There was a part of him that wanted to run away. Sell his shares in Novak Brothers and take the houseboat down the coast…maybe down to California….a new start. It was either that or face his past.

  
When he crawled into his bed at midnight, he had a buzz from the vodka and because of that, he let his mind drift back in time again.

  
_The next morning, Castiel jumped out of bed and called Dean’s house. Mary had answered and told him that Dean hadn’t come home last night. Castiel, not one to panic, got on his bike and rode down to the docks. The Mary Kate was in her slip, seemingly deserted. He looked around and not seeing John, boarded her. The hatch was locked and he banged on the door. Dean wasn’t there._

  
_He dropped by the bakery after lunch and Mary seemed worried. No one had seen Dean. The Impala was still at his mother’s house. Castiel was working himself up into a panic. As the week went by, Castiel spent more and more time at the bakery. Friday, he walked into the aromatic shop and Mary looked at him differently. “You’ve got news on Dean.”_

  
_“Castiel, Sweetheart, come sit down.” Castiel just knew something horrible had happened. He sat down at the small table near the back. “Dean called me last night…”_  
_“Thank God, is he okay?”_  
_“He’s okay. Castiel, he’s in Texas.” Castiel looked at her quizzically. Why was Dean in Texas of all places? “He’s taken a job on one of the oil rigs in the gulf. He’s…he’s not coming home.”_

  
_That was all the information she had and Castiel stopped coming to the bakery. His heart broken, he began working with his brothers. Over the next few weeks, he was targeted by John. Sugar in the gas tank of his work truck. Ugly rumors that his brothers did their best to squash. He woke one morning and the word ‘fag’ was spray painted in black on the front of his mother’s house. His mother had been beside herself and couldn’t understand why this was happening to her. She treated him differently after that and wanted him to beg for God’s mercy. He moved in with Michael. A few lines got cut on the Novak Brothers’ fleet, causing some damage to the boats. Castiel couldn’t prove anything, but he knew it was John._

  
Castiel slept. His dreams were of a green eyed young man, the young man from his past, not the Dean that came home wearing a Coast Guard uniform.

  
**Friday**

  
As hangovers went, Castiel’s wasn’t that bad. He arrived at the office long after the fleet had headed out to sea. He spent the morning searching for boats for sale. By lunch time, he’d narrowed it down to four. He stretched and took a look around the small office. The ‘in’ basket was overflowing and the cardboard box that had the word ‘filing’ on it, written in a black Sharpie was a nightmare. With nothing else to do, Castiel began to organize. It was dusty and tedious. He couldn’t do this another day. Like it or not, he was going out on one of his brothers’ boats.

  
That evening, he helped out on the docks. His brothers were once again, discussing Dean Winchester. How they saw him on the Coast Guard boats, or in town…he had enough.

  
“Can you please just stop talking about him?” Castiel voice was raised in anger and it carried over the docks. His brothers and their crews stared at him and his face reddened. “Just…stop.” Castiel picked up another crate and after a moment or two, the work continued around him.


	2. Waves Crash, Don’t Look Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An apology isn't enough, not nearly enough. What is it that Dean wants from Castiel?

**Saturday**

  
Castiel got up late and fixed scrambled eggs and bacon. With the weather being so nice, he took his plate out to the deck and ate his breakfast leaning against the railing. His phone rang and he frowned at Will’s name on the screen.

  
“Hi, Will.”

  
“Castiel, why did I have to hear about the Angel going down from Chuck?” Crap. Castiel knew Chuck and Will had remained friends, mainly because Chuck was a fan of Will’s books.

  
“Sorry, I should have called.” He wanted to be friends, but there was a fine line between friendly conversation and leading the man on. Castiel had no desire to rekindle things with Will. “I’ve just been busy.”

  
“Busy?” Will’s voice was a little shrill and Castiel winced. “Chuck also told me that there was a new officer at the station.”

  
Castiel was going to kill Chuck. “Is there?” Castiel could play games too.

  
“So, the great Dean Winchester is back,” Will spat out the words.

  
“Will, I’m not discussing this with you.” Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose. He felt a headache coming on.

  
“No, I guess not. You want us to be friends, but there’s a laundry list of things we can’t talk about. That’s not friendship, Castiel.”

  
“God damn it, Will. You sound like a jealous boyfriend. We aren’t together anymore. Please…please don’t do this.”

  
“I’m sorry…it’s just that I…still….” Castiel heard the heavy exhalation of breath and rolled his eyes. Will could be such a drama queen. “I still…care. I don’t want you to get hurt again. He left you once…”

  
“Give me a little credit, Will. I’m not going anywhere near the man. Okay…is that good enough for you? Will you drop it now?”

  
“Of course.” Now, he sounded snotty. Castiel felt like he couldn’t win.

  
“How’s the new book coming?” Change the subject. It worked. Will told him about his new book and went on and on about the release date. Castiel was barely listening. Castiel thanked God and everything holy that Luc called and interrupted them. “Look, Will, that’s Luc calling. I’ve got to go.”

  
“Have I told you lately that I love you?” Castiel said to his oldest brother.

  
“Uhm…no.”

  
“Well, I do.”

  
“Thanks…I think. I was just calling to ask you to pick up a part at the post office today and take it down to the docks. Gabriel will need it when he gets in. You can just leave it there, no need to hang around.”

  
“Sure, not a problem.” Anything to be useful. If he didn’t find another boat soon, he was going to go stark raving mad.

  
He showered and dressed in his normal attire to go to the docks, jeans, a gray hoodie and his rubber boots. He grabbed his wallet, phone and keys and headed to town.

  
The post office wasn’t crowded and Castiel got the package quickly. It only took him a couple of minutes to park near the harbor master’s office and take the package to the Novaks’ berths. He left the package on a small wooden bench, knowing Gabriel wouldn’t be able to miss it. He looked up at the blue sky. It was almost to warm for his hoodie and he pushed up his sleeves. The gulls were swarming around, rats with wings, waiting for a handout.

  
He walked along staring at his feet until he heard a child laughing. He looked up and froze. Dean was standing next to a stroller. There was a little girl sitting in it and she was looking up at the mural on the bait house. He was trapped. Either he walked past Dean and his daughter or he went back the way him came and hid out until Dean left. No one could ever say Castiel Novak was a coward.

  
It was obvious Dean didn’t see him approaching. The little girl was a living doll. She had strawberry blonde hair and Dean’s eyes. There was a smattering of freckles over her nose just like her father’s.

  
“She looks like you.”

  
Dean’s head flew up and those vivid green eyes met his own.

  
“Cas.”

  
“Nobody calls me that anymore.” Castiel lifted his chin in a definite gesture. Dean had given him that nickname. Back when Dean said he loved him. Back before Dean proved what a sorry son of a bitch he was.

  
“Oh…okay…” Did Castiel see hurt in Dean’s eyes? Not likely. He passed by him and walked stiffly down the wooden dock until he reached his truck. Once behind the wheel, he slumped forward and released the breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding. He had to admit to himself that Dean had aged well. He wasn’t the gangly kid anymore. He’d filled out into a man’s body. There were tiny lines at the corners of his eyes. When he’d seen him on the Chinook on Wednesday, Castiel had worked hard at not looking at Dean. Today, he hadn’t been able to avoid it.

  
Pissed off at himself for feeling sexual attraction, Castiel started the engine and peeled out of the lot.

  
**Sunday**

  
Gabriel showed up at the houseboat Sunday morning at the buttcrack of dawn. He banged on the door until Castiel rolled out of bed and let him in.

  
“This better be good,” he growled, standing there in his boxer briefs.

  
His brother looked him up and down. “Nice package, Lil Bro.”

  
“Were you born this disgusting or did it come on gradually?” Castiel said as he turned, leaving the door open. He went straight to his coffee maker. He couldn’t face Gabriel without a substantial amount of caffeine in his system.

  
“I was just giving you a compliment. Personally, I think you and I got all the dick in the family. Michael and Balthazar…not so much. And Luc, don’t get me started.”

  
“Why are you here?” Castiel padded barefoot around his kitchen getting down cups and sugar.

  
“Can’t a brother just visit?”

  
Castiel afforded him a look that showed the shorter man Castiel saw through his bullshit.

  
“Okay…okay…I was just checking on you. I know things have been rough lately with Winchester coming back.”

  
“Gabriel, while I appreciate your concern, I really don’t want to talk about Dean.”

  
“Are you going to be able to coexist, Castiel? We live in a really small town. You are bound to see him.”

  
“I’ll deal with it,”” Castiel said stiffly. And he would. So what if Dean was still so beautiful it made Castiel’s heart ache. What they had was over. It had been over for fourteen years.

  
“Enough of Winchester shit, let’s talk boats. Got any leads yet?” Castiel loved his brothers. He knew Gabriel was here because he loved him. He understood their concern. They are the ones that had to raise him out of hell all those years ago. They were there after his accident. His four brothers had always been there. Without them, he would not have survived.

  
“I’ve narrowed it down to two, I think. Cas got his laptop out and together the brothers went over the pros and cons of each of the boats. Later that afternoon, Michael and Balthazar showed up with beer and they spent the rest of the day out on the deck relaxing. Luc was in Eugene with his latest girlfriend for the weekend.

  
**Monday**

  
With the office organized, Cas had no need to go to town. He slept in. He could get used to that. Sleep wasn’t coming easy to him these days. He blamed it on stress. The Angel going down, insurance paperwork, trying to find a replacement…it was stressful. The random thoughts of Dean had nothing to do with it.

  
Close to eleven, his laptop informed him he had a new email. He opened it.

  
**_TO: CJNovak@novakbrothersfishing.com_**  
 ** _FROM: R.Turner@military.uscg.mil_**  
 ** _CC: D.Winchester@military.uscg.mil_**  
 ** _SUBJECT: Angel, Fishing Vessel registered at CGS Umpqua River_**  
 ** _Mon 6/29/15 10:58_**

**_Mr. Novak,_ **

  
**_I’ve attached the report of the 06/24/2015 incident involving your fishing vessel, Angel, for your insurance company. If you need any further assistance, please contact Lt. Com. Dean Winchester or myself._ **

  
It was the report he’d been waiting for. Now, he could forward it to his insurance agency and get the check to put the down payment on a new boat. He looked at Dean’s name in black and white on his screen. If he was honest with himself, he’d admit that he still had feelings for Dean. Fourteen years had done nothing to ease the pain of Dean’s betrayal or the feelings that had lain dormant in his heart.

  
His phone pinged.

  
**Text from Chuck/11:08 – Lunch at Roadhouse? Noon?**

  
Already stir crazy from sitting around the houseboat, Castiel eagerly replied to his friend. Besides, he needed to have a talk to Chuck about the things he told Will.

  
The Roadhouse was already busy when he got there. He spotted Chuck, Kevin and a couple of the other guys at a corner table near the back. After they ordered, Kevin went to the jukebox. He came back a few minutes later. “When was the last time that thing was updated? I don’t think I recognized any of the songs. I knew a few of the artists’ names…Tim McGraw and Garth Brooks, but seriously, who is Conway Twitty?”

  
Castiel chuckled at his young friend. “Don’t let Ellen hear you bitching about the music selections. She’ll kick your ass.” Garth Brooks’ Shameless was finishing up when Dean walked through the doors. Castiel’s eyes followed the man as he made his way to the bar. He smiled at Ellen as she took his order and Castiel stopped breathing. That smile could make him forget the heartache the man had caused. Dean looked up at that moment and saw him. Their eyes locked for only a second before Castiel looked away.

  
“Hey, that’s my new boss. You knew him, didn’t you?” Chuck asked Castiel, after throwing his hand up in a wave to Dean.

  
“Yes.” Castiel brought his Coke up to his mouth and that’s when the song started. Damn Kevin. _My Best Friend_ by Tim McGraw. A memory surfaced. Castiel tried to tamp it down…tried to cover it up with years of pain. He couldn’t. His eyes met Dean’s as the fourth stanza played.

  
**_I don't know where I'd be_**  
 ** _Without you here with me_**  
 ** _Life with you makes perfect sense_**  
 ** _You're my best friend_**  
 ** _You're my best friend, oh yeah_**

  
This time it was Dean who looked away first. Castiel watched as Dean shoved his plate aside, dropped money on the bar and walked out. Castiel had to force his mind back to his friends. If anyone noticed his strange behavior, they didn’t comment.  
Not wanting to go home just yet, Castiel walked over to the harbor master’s office and spoke to Bobby for awhile. The subject of Dean wasn’t mentioned. Bobby had been a surrogate father to both him and Dean. He’d held Castiel while he cried one night when Dean’s absence got too much to bare. He never spoke ill of Dean and Castiel didn’t either. Bobby was just someone who would listen.

  
The older man was on the phone when Castiel let himself in and he waved Castiel to a seat. Castiel moved a stack of boat catalogs and maintenance manuals and sat. Bobby hung up with a gruff goodbye to someone.

  
“How are you, kid?”

  
Castiel shrugged. “Bored. Antsy.”

  
“Found a new boat yet?”

  
“Got it narrowed down to two.”

  
They spent the next thirty minutes talking about boats. After he left Bobby, Castiel drove over to the grocery store and bought a few things for dinner. He glanced at his phone. It was quarter to five. He’d wasted enough time.

  
He turned into his driveway and a flash of metal through the trees startled him. Who would be up here this time of day? His SUV’s tires made their way easily over the dirt road that led to his houseboat. He recognized the Jeep as it came to a stop four feet from his front bumper. Why was Dean up here? What did he want? The minutes ticked by, engines idling. “Fuck me,” Castiel muttered and shut off his engine. He got out and went to the front of his truck and leaned back against it, arms crossed, staring at the other man through his windshield.

  
Dean got out and shut his door. His actions mimicked Castiel’s. Now they were face to face, both trying to look nonchalant.

  
“Cas.”

  
“Don’t call me that.”

  
“Castiel, then…”

  
“Why are you on my property, Dean?” Cas asked coolly.

  
“I just wanted to make sure you had everything for your insurance company.”

  
Cas smirked at him, seeing the lie for what it was. “That’s the best you can do?”

  
Dean shoved his hands in his pockets and exhaled slowly. Castiel thought he looked nervous. “Look, Cas…Castiel, I’m sorry about the Angel. I wish we could have saved her.”

  
“Not your fault. Just so you know, I don’t blame you for letting her go down. I was just pissed.”

  
“I understand. I’d feel the same way in your shoes.”

  
“Yeah, well, is that it?” If Dean didn’t leave, Castiel might say or do something stupid.

  
“Oh, sure, yeah. I’ll just go now.” Dean got back in his Jeep.

  
“I wish you’d never come back.” Cas muttered. He wasn’t sure if he meant them though. He got back into his truck and backed down the road. He turned out on Lighthouse Road and waited for Dean to move out of his way. Castiel wasted no time getting to the sanctuary of his houseboat.

  
His appetite suddenly gone, He popped the cap off of a beer. What had just happened? Did Dean really come to apologize for what happened with the Angel or was it something else? He hadn’t imagined the nervousness, nor the hurt in Dean’s face.

  
**Tuesday**

  
The next morning, Castiel got up early and dressed. He was going out with one of his brothers. He didn’t care which. He would force one of them to take him if necessary. It turned out that Luc was happy to let him come along. Being out to sea again lifted the blanket of doom and gloom that shrouded Castiel. He found himself laughing with his brother and the crew of the She-Devil. The hours flew by and the tension eased in Castiel’s shoulders. Hauling in the fish and putting them in the crates made his muscles ache in a good way. In the last week, since losing the Angel, he’d gone soft.

  
He got home, showered and fixed himself some pasta for dinner. He flipped on the TV and found the news out of Eugene. He paid special attention to the weather forecast. Before he got in bed, he checked his email. He was expecting an answer from an agent about one of the boats he was interested in. He stared at the screen in disbelief. Why was Dean emailing him?

  
**_TO: CJNovak@novakbrothersfishing.com_**  
 ** _FROM: D.Winchester@military.uscg.mil_**  
 ** _SUBJECT:_**  
 ** _Mon 7/2/15 4:26_**

**_I’m sorry for everything._ **

  
Castiel should feel enraged. Did Dean really think an apology…a fucking emailed apology…was good enough after fourteen years? Was he that arrogant? But he didn’t feel rage…not even the tiniest bit of anger. He just felt confusion. What did Dean want from him? Did he want…no, Castiel knew Dean didn’t want to rekindle what they had. They’d changed…grown up… Dean married and had a child. No, Dean didn’t want Castiel…so, what was he after? Castiel slept fitfully.

  
**Wednesday**

  
The Loki II’s engine was still sluggish even with the new part. And halfway back home, the damn thing quit altogether. Castiel was down in the engine compartment with Gabriel and he held up the busted hydraulic line. “Let me see if I can fix it.”

  
“Need a tow?” Castiel clunked his forehead on the engine casing. Dean’s voice rang out. Obviously, God hated him.  He hadn't heard the approach of another boat.

  
Gabriel poked his head up out of the compartment. “I might. Can you give me another five?” Gabriel looked back at Cas. “Well?”

  
“You’re going to need new cabling and a new line, not to mention the hydraulic fluid you’ve leaked out.” Castiel pointed to the puddle on the floor. He stood up and shook his head.

  
They both crawled out of the engine compartment and Gabriel went to the rail. “Hydraulic line is busted.”

  
Dean nodded to his men and they set to work getting the towing lines ready. “We’ll come about and toss over the lines.”

  
“Thanks, Dean,” Gabriel called out. Castiel’s gaze fell on Dean. Their eyes met and neither looked away. The cutter began to move and Dean took one last look at Castiel before disappearing through the main hatch. “What was that all about?” Gabriel asked, his hand grabbing Castiel arm before his brother could escape.

  
“Nothing.”

  
“That was not nothing. That was pretty damn close to an eye fuck.”

  
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Gabriel.” Castiel snatched his arm away and slammed the engine compartment shut before heading below deck. Gabriel didn’t mention it again as the cutter slowly towed the disabled boat home.

  
As they pulled into the docking area, Castiel made his way to the pilothouse. Gabriel was on deck and as soon as the tow lines were tossed off, he jumped to the dock. Castiel watched as his brother talked to Dean. He saw Dean glance at the pilothouse, like he knew Castiel was watching. It would have been impossible for Dean to see him though, not with the angle of the afternoon sun.

  
The rest of the week was a blur. Castiel spent Thursday helping Gabriel get the Loki II up and running. Friday, he went out with his brother and they worked until dark to make up the time they’d lost for repairs. He got home, showered and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

  
**Saturday**

  
At least once a month, the Novak brothers met for breakfast. Sometimes it was at Mary’s, but more often than not, it was at Michael’s house. Out of all of them, Michael was the one who really loved to cook. Today, he’d laid out a large platter of sausage, a bowl of scrambled eggs with a Cheddar cheese sauce, hash browns cooked to golden perfection and he’d even made biscuits.

  
The five men ate until they were stuffed. Chairs pushed away from the table, coffee cups in hand, they all looked at Castiel. “What?”

  
“Any run-ins with Winchester?” Michael asked. Castiel looked at his second oldest brother. Michael had felt betrayed when Dean left too. Not nearly as bad as Castiel, but it hurt him just the same. Michael and Dean were close. Dean looked up to Michael and Michael had all but adopted him as an honorary Novak.

  
“No.” Castiel really didn’t want to discuss Dean with his brothers. They made their position clear where Dean was concerned. He didn’t think they’d piss on Dean if he was on fire.

  
“You sure?” Balthazar asked.

  
Castiel narrowed his eyes. “I said no.” Castiel’s voice was cold. Balthazar put up his hands.

  
“Just looking out for my little brother.”

  
“I don’t need looking after.” He got up and put his plate on the counter by the sink. With one last glare at his brothers, he let the door slam behind him. Castiel found himself walking next to the boat yard. Dean’s Jeep was there, parking next to Bobby’s office. Castiel found himself looking around, searching. He heard a tapping sound and followed it. He saw the playpen first. The little girl was sitting among several stuffed animals and blocks. Then he saw Dean…or rather Dean’s muscular back as he worked on the motor to the old skiff they’d spent their summers on.

  
He let his eyes roam over Dean’s body. His back glistened with sweat and with each movement of his arms, the muscles bunched and stretched. Then he saw the tattoos. One on each bicep. He’d never been one for liking ink, but Christ, it made Dean all the more…no…no…no.

  
“I wondered if you got inked up. Most sailors do.”

  
Dean banged his knuckles on the housing. “Fuck.” He spun around, rubbing his hand. He seemed genuinely shocked to see Castiel standing there.

  
Castiel regarded him, head tilted slightly. Now that he was closer, he could make out the artwork on Dean’s arms. A compass and an anchor. Both nautical themed.

  
“Gabe get his boat running?” Dean asked, his eyes on the ground.

  
“He did.”

  
“That’s…good.”

  
Castiel looked down at Dean’s daughter, who was standing up and looking at him, thumb stuck in her mouth.

  
“Kali, baby, get your thumb out of your mouth.” Dean said in a gentle voice that Castiel didn’t recognize. He’d bet everything he owned that Dean was a great father. The child removed her thumb for all of ten seconds before putting it back in.

  
Cas smiled. “Stubborn like her father.”

  
“Very. I’m being paid back for all the shit I got into as a kid.”

  
Cas’ eyes swung back to Dean’s. “I hated you for a long time, Dean.” He wasn’t sure why he said it. Wasn’t sure what he had to gain by bringing this up now…or ever.

  
Dean looked down again, placing the wrench he was holding carefully in his toolbox. “I deserved it.”

  
“Tell me about the night you left. Tell me what your father said that was so bad you left…town.” Castiel’s unspoken words, ‘you left me’, hung in the air between them.

  
“That was a long time ago, Cas…Castiel. Life goes on.” Dean shrugged, eyes squinted against the noonday sun.

  
“How can I forgive you when you won’t tell me why you did what you did?” He’d just let Dean know he’d read his damn email.

  
“He knocked me around…” Anger surged through Castiel. He hated John Winchester then, but he was happy the man was dead, or else he may have killed him himself. “…called me a few choice names and told me never to see you again.”

  
Castiel narrowed his eyes. “You followed your father’s orders, just like always.”

  
“What?” Dean stood straighter, shoulders back, chest out. He cut an imposing figure, but Castiel wasn’t impressed. Not now. “What are you talking about?”

  
“He told you never to see me again. That’s exactly what you did. Even beyond the grave, you followed his orders like a good boy.”

  
“What the fuck are you talking about, Cas?”

  
“He died, Dean. He fucking died and you still didn’t come home…you still didn’t call…” Castiel shouted, his voice betraying him by cracking at the end.

  
Dean’s little girl whimpered and Castiel felt like shit for upsetting her. Dean went over and picked her up. “Shhh, Princess. It’s okay.”

  
Castiel walked away, as fast as his legs could carry him. He angrily wiped at the tear on his cheek. His emotions were all over the place. He was angry at a dead man…he assumed John had said some nasty things to Dean after he left, but for him to lay a hand on him….knocking him around as Dean said. He was angry at Dean for not loving him enough to come to him…to reach out… But more than anything he was still hurting…still hurting just as much as the day Mary told him Dean wasn’t coming home…


	3. Crashing Waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new boat and a time to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. I got a call to foster a beautiful young dog and spent my weekend taking care of him. His name is Misha.

**Sunday**

  
The Blessing of the Fleet was a big deal to the fisherman of Winchester Bay…well, all commercial fisherman everywhere. Castiel felt left out as his brothers got their boats cleaned and polished. They were decked out with flags and streamers. Luc offered to let him ride on the She-Devil, but Castiel declined. Instead, he volunteered to set up the tent in town for the festivities.

  
He stacked the cardboard boxes under the six foot table. The one open box was hefted onto the table and Castiel took out several of the calendars and fanned them out over the table in a decorative array. The calendars had been Gabriel’s brainstorm. He spearheaded a campaign to raise money for the Maritime Foundation. The Novak brothers had always supported the foundation with monetary donations and any events they did. He thumbed through the calendar until he got to August. He had to admit that his brothers looked nice shirtless. Working on fishing boats kept you in shape.

  
As the fleet came into port after their parade and blessing by Father O’Brien, Castiel got ready. Word of the calendars had spread and he expected a lot of sales. There were a lot of tourists in town for the event and soon the street would be filled. Gabe and Michael joined him a few minutes later. Balthazar and Luc were going to switch out with them in a few hours to give them a chance to walk around as well.

  
They’d just sold three calendars to a group of giggling high school girls when Castiel saw Dean pushing his little girl towards them. Kali, wasn’t that what Dean called her?

  
“Buy a calendar, Dean-o. All proceeds go towards the Maritime Foundation,” Gabriel shouted out Dean.

  
Castiel watched as Dean took out his wallet. “How much?”

  
“Ten dollars,” Gabe answered. Dean tossed a twenty onto the table. Gabe shoved a calendar into his hands. “Need change?”

  
“No.” Castiel couldn’t help but watch the man, his facial expressions, the way his fingers held the leather wallet, the way the slight breeze ruffled his short hair. He quickly glanced away when he saw Dean looking at him. He only looked again when he was sure Dean was walking away.

  
Gabriel and Michael were looking at him knowingly. “Our little brother is treading on dangerous ground,” said Michael.

  
“I believe you’re right, Michael,” replied Gabriel.

  
Castiel didn’t respond to their remarks. Once Luc and Balthazar relieved him, he made his way down the line of tents, talking to his friends and neighbors. He bought a slice of pizza and a cinnamon roll the size of his head. He saw a big crowd in front of the church and heard a lot of laughing, so he made his way over. He grinned when he saw Kevin in the dunking booth. Kevin looked like a high school student especially when he wasn’t in his uniform. He stood in the crowd and Dean walked up. He watched as he paid his money and was handed a baseball. Kevin had been having a good time heckling people before, but now he was oddly quiet. Castiel supposed it was because Dean was his commanding officer. It made Castiel wonder what type of officer Dean was. Was he a total dick? A stickler for rules and regulations? Chuck seemed to think highly of him, as did Benny.

  
“Kevin, I’m not wearing my uniform tonight.” Dean wound up and threw the ball. It went wide.

  
“You throw like a girl, Commander. I’ve seen more heat in a toaster.” Kevin was getting into it now and by Dean’s grin, Castiel knew he wasn’t bothered by the teasing.

  
Dean tossed the ball in the air again and caught it. “You’re mine, Tran,” Dean said cockily.

  
“He’s got about as much control as two rabbits on their first date.” Castiel couldn’t help it, he laughed. The entire crowd was laughing. Dean reared back to pitch his next ball when his eyes met Castiel’s. The ball hit the front of the tank with a dull thunk, about three feet away from its intended target. The crowd groaned.

  
“Maybe you’re a lefty, Commander, cause you sure can’t throw with your right hand. You need me to get someone from navigation to help you find the target.” Dean’s eyes left Castiel and focused once again on the young ensign.

  
“You’re going down, Tran.” Dean wound up once more and hit the target with a resounding twack. Kevin hit the water and the crowd roared. Dean found Castiel’s eyes quickly. Castiel let his grin fade and turned to make his way through the crowd.

  
**Monday**

  
Now that his insurance check was in the bank, Castiel made arrangements for his flight to Valdez. Thankfully, both of the boats he’d liked were in Alaska. One in Valdez and one just thirty miles up the Alaskan coast in a small fishing village.

  
He’d talked to the sales agent and got appointment times. If all went well, and he decided to purchase one of the fishing vessels, he’d be coming home by water. The weather was supposed to be nice for the next seven days which meant he could have her home no later than Friday. He was getting excited. He couldn’t wait to be at sea again.

  
That evening, he packed his bags. His brothers had brought hamburgers to grill out and they’d left just before seven. He got comfortable in an old pair of sweats and was going to watch some TV, but remembered he hadn’t checked his email today. He picked up his laptop and settled back on his bed. Impala67? There was only one person that could be. With an eagerness he shouldn’t be feeling, he opened the email.

  
_**TO: CJNovak@novakbrothersfishing.com**_  
 _ **FROM: Impala67@yahoo.com**_  
 _ **SUBJECT: Meeting?**_  
 _ **Mon 7/06/15 9:49**_

_**Castiel,** _

_**I want to talk. Please** _

_**Dean** _

“About what, Dean?” Castiel asked the screen. He laid his head back on the headboard. He blew out a frustrated breath. Was he going to get one of those speeches about being friends? Castiel sat up straight and blinked. Oh God, he’d done that to Will and now it was going to be done to him by Dean. Karma really was a fucking bitch. He looked at the reply icon. He gave the reply icon a dirty look. Then he clicked on it. “Friends my ass.”

**TO: Impala67@yahoo.com**   
**FROM: CJNovak@novakbrothersfishing.com**   
**SUBJECT: Meeting?**   
**Mon 7/06/15 7:39**

**Flying out to Valdez in the morning. I might be back Wednesday unless I like the boat. I’ll be in touch.**

  
**Castiel**

  
Let Lieutenant Commander Dean Winchester stew on that for a few days. “I’ll be in touch,” he chuckled and hit the send button. The email to Impala67 was gone.

Castiel smiled at Dean’s user name. They had a lot of good times in that car. He wondered if Dean was going to fix her up. He knew she was still stored in his mother’s garage. He put his laptop down and set his alarm. He was going to read for a little while and get to bed early since his flight left out of Eugene at seven a.m.

Unable to concentrate on the book, even though it was by one of his favorite authors, Castiel turned out the light. His thoughts drifted to their first time. Up until that night, they’d given mutual handjobs and even a blow job or two, but that night, Castiel wanted Dean to take him and make him his.

_“Cas, it’s colder than a witch’s tit out here,” Dean complained. It was cold, but Castiel knew they’d warm each other up. He didn’t remember what happened to Dean’s shirt. Castiel had his hand was down the front of Dean’s jeans and his boyfriend was thrusting up into it._

  
_“Quit being a pussy, Dean. I’ll warm you up,” Castiel said huskily. He could barely see Dean in the darkness. Castiel brought a whole box of condoms that he’d stolen from Luc’s house. They were on the floor near his right foot. His left foot was bent behind him on the backseat. Castiel was a nervous wreck, but Dean seemed cool with what was about to happen even if he was a virgin. Castiel wasn’t a virgin but being with one other guy didn’t make you an expert at sex. Castiel’s first had been an older man he’d met right after graduation. He’d been in Portland…a graduation gift from his brothers. They’d driven down for a concert. After the concert, his brothers went back to the hotel to drink in the bar. Castiel was still under aged, so he grabbed his bathing suit and went to the heated pool that the hotel offered. The man was nice looking, worldly and Castiel didn’t have to think twice about following him to his room. Of course, that was before he fell in love with Dean. Dean was his one and only._

  
_Castiel had pushed that memory out of his head and was kissing and biting Dean’s nipples. Dean’s nipples were really sensitive and Castiel loved driving his boyfriend crazy. Castiel loved the way Dean kissed. The first time they’d kissed, it had been comical since neither of them were really experienced._

  
Castiel’s cock was thick and hard against his belly as the memories came flooding back. He remembered using every dirty word he could think of like he was following a script in a porn movie. His hand moved to his cock and he stroked it a couple of times. He wasn’t going to think of Dean or Will…nope, someone else…someone like…Benedict Cumberbatch. He was hot. He’d have his mouth wrapped around Castiel’s cock and look up at him with those beautiful green eyes…no…no…not green. It was Dean’s face he saw, Dean’s lips around him… Castiel squeezed his eyes shut, but it didn’t block out Dean.

  
_When Dean eased his way inside of him, he’d felt full and so good. Castiel kept up his litany of filth. “Fuck me, Dean. God, you feel so fucking good. Want you, Dean…want you bad. Look how hard my cock is…come in my ass…”_

  
_Castiel’s legs were thrown up on the backs of the front and back seats, spread wide, with Dean between them…pounding into him. He was close, so damn close. Then Dean’s words echoed in the car, “I love you, Cas.”_

  
_“Don’t say that,” Cas had whispered. Love wasn’t for them. Not with Dean’s father and his own mother. Oh, he loved Dean, more than life itself, but when you said it out loud, things changed._

  
_“Why not? It’s true.” Dean was pumping into Cas, hard and fast now, unable to hold back. Cas was grunting with each and every thrust._

  
_“Shhh, just fuck me.”_

  
As he came, Castiel whispered Dean’s name and a single tear trailed down his cheek. No, he couldn’t be friends with Dean…because God damn him, he still loved him. He swiped at the tear and turned on his light. Naked, he strode through the narrow houseboat. He needed air. The woods surrounding the house were dark and the sounds of the night and the lapping of the river against the boat comforted him.

  
Dean kept telling him over and over that he loved him. A solid month went by and Castiel couldn’t stand it anymore.

  
_They were at their favorite spot by the river, leaning against the hood of the Impala._

  
_“I love you, Cas.”_

  
_“Don’t…” Castiel pushed him away and walked away from the car, down towards the river._

  
_“You don’t have to love me back.” Dean called out behind him. Castiel saw red. Dean made him so angry. He spun around. “Fuck you, Dean Winchester. I’ve loved you forever. But this…what we have…it won’t last. We can’t go on hiding, Dean. It’ll tear us apart one day.”_

  
_“Don’t be a drama queen, Cas.”_

  
Castiel’s laugh was heartbreaking. Yes, it tore them apart.

  
**Tuesday**

  
He managed to get about three hours of sleep before driving to Eugene to catch his flight. He landed in Valdez and got a rental. He drove straight to the marina using the directions the agent had given him. The owner and the agent met him there at the appointed time. The boat was about six years old and in decent shape. She needed paint and some cosmetic work, but the engine was sound. She was three feet longer than the Angel, but when they took her out to open water, she handled like a dream.  
His mind already made up, Castiel made the owner an offer. The agent handled the paperwork and by dinner time, Castiel was the proud owner of the Cindy Loo, a 50 foot troller with a 200 horsepower John Deere engine. He hated the name.

  
The next morning, Castiel packed his bag and checked out of the hotel room. He stopped at a grocery store and stocked up on what he would need for the trip home. By noon, he was gassed up and on his way out of Valdez. He set her coordinates and got out all the charts he’d brought from home. Ash had flown in last night and together they steered for home.

  
Ash slept most of the day. They’d decided to keep her to deep water so they could travel at night. Castiel had mapped out their course and their only stops were for gas and fresh food and water. As the sun began to set, Castiel daydreamed.

  
What would his life have been like if Dean never left? What if his mother was like Mary Winchester? He knew he shouldn’t complain. He had four of the best brothers a man could have. He lived in a town full of men and women who liked him because of who he really was and didn’t judge him because of his sexuality.

  
As he lay in his bunk that night, with Ash at the helm, he thought of Dean. He thought of that night so long ago. He should have stayed by Dean’s side instead of leaving him alone to face the wrath of his father. Despite John’s foul temper and alcoholism, Dean had loved his father…he constantly waited for a kind word or praise and John doled it out like crumbs to a starving dog. All those years, Castiel had questioned the part he’d played. It was his insistence that they fooled around on the Mary Kate. He’d left Dean to fend for himself. Castiel was in no way blameless.

  
**Thursday**

  
The seas remained calm and they were making good time. Wednesday had flown by as they passed the beautiful Canadian coastline. They’d stopped for gas and a good meal in Port Edward. Castiel was hoping to make it to Vancouver by early afternoon. Ash was below sleeping and he had some lines out. He was hoping to have some fresh fish for dinner that evening.

  
Luck was with him and they pulled into Vancouver around one-thirty. Castiel called Gabriel.

  
“Hey, Lil Bro. Where are you?”

  
“Just pulled into Vancouver. I’m going to top off the tank and then we’re going to keep her running through the night. I want to be home by tomorrow night.”

  
“How’s she running?”

  
“Great. She’s sucking up gas, but I’m pushing her hard.”

  
“Be careful, Castiel.”

  
“I will.” Castiel hung up. He woke Ash and they got their gas. Castiel bought a few groceries at the marina’s store and they were back to sea by three.

  
He seared the tuna he caught and filleted that afternoon. They two men ate well. As the boat cut through the water, Ash stood beside him at the helm. “Hey, Boss, can I ask you something?”

  
“Sure.”

  
“So…you and the new guy at the station used to be a thing…”

  
Castiel wasn’t prepared for that question. Because of John and his mother, most of the town didn’t know about his relationship with Dean. Were they fodder for gossip now?

  
“Dean and I were friends once. When he left, we didn’t stay in touch.” He hadn’t lied.

  
Apparently, that was enough for Ash and they kept a companionable silence until Castiel headed below a few hours later.

  
**Friday**

  
As the Cindy Loo passed the Oregon coast, Castiel became eager to be home. He knew what he had to do.

  
Castiel was about twenty-five miles away from home and he raised Gabriel on the radio. “I need a favor.”

  
“Anything for my baby brother.”

  
“I don’t want a lecture, Gabriel.”

  
“Fuck. This is about Winchester isn’t it?”

  
“I need you to deliver a message. Tell him my location and have me meet me at the dock. I need to give him the chance to…explain…things.”

  
“I’ve always supported you, Castiel. He hurts you again and I’ll kill him.”

  
“If he hurts me again, it will be my fault this time.”

  
“Fool me once…”

  
“Right. Thanks for not giving me a hard time, Gabriel.”

  
“What are brothers for?”

  
The Cindy Loo plowed through the water like she knew she was almost home. Ash gathered their things and cleaned up the galley, stowing the food in a large plastic tote. Castiel could see the inlet ahead of him. He knew Gabriel would deliver his message, but would Dean be there? His email said he wanted to talk, now was his chance.

  
Castiel’s heart beat faster when he saw Dean stand up. Castiel eased off on the throttle and the boat eased into her slip. Ash tossed Dean the bow line and Dean expertly tied it onto the cleat. He ran to the stern and Ash threw him that line as well. Ash grabbed his bag and jumped to the dock. Castiel watched him hold out his hand to Dean. Dean shook it and they exchanged a few words. Ash turned around and called up to him, “See you tomorrow afternoon, Boss.”

  
“Don’t come in until nine or so, Ash,” Castiel shouted. Ash walked down the dock and within seconds he was out of sight. It was now or never. Castiel watched Dean jump on board and hesitate. He went to the open hatch and his eyes met Dean’s and held for a few seconds. “Did you bring beer?”

  
Dean’s eyes widened. “Uhm, no…I can go…”

  
“Don’t worry about it. I have enough.” Castiel had just been fucking with Dean to throw him off his game. Castiel turned to go back into the hatch and called out, “You coming?”

  
Dean followed Castiel into the small galley. Beer wasn’t really going to be enough for this conversation, so Castiel pulled a bottle of tequila out of the cooler. He sat it in the middle of the small dining table and sat down. He hadn’t touched tequila since it put him in the hospital. It seemed only fitting. Dean sat across from Castiel. Castiel unscrewed the top of the bottle and took a large drink. “I thought I might need this.” He pushed the bottle across the table at Dean. Dean brought the bottle to his lips and hissed. Castiel studied him as he carefully sat the bottle down.

  
“Love the name of your boat.” Dean said with a slight quirk of his lips.

  
Castiel smirked, “Yeah, well, it’s being changed before we take her out.” Castiel took another drink.

  
“Bad luck to change a boat’s name,” Dean said, pulling the bottle back towards him and swallowed more of the alcohol.

  
“Not if you get a priest to do it. I think Father O’Brien will help me out.”

  
“Saw a few of your brothers’ trucks at church Sunday before last. Didn’t think y’all were Catholic.”

  
“Our mother wasn’t Catholic. We converted after she died…all but Luc. He doesn’t believe there is a God.”

  
“Didn’t stop him from getting his boat blessed.”

  
Castiel’s laugh lacked humor. “Fishermen are superstitious.”

  
Two shots in and Dean stopped drinking. Castiel took two more because he still couldn’t believe he was sitting across from Dean. So close he could see each and every freckle.

  
“All sailors are,” Dean added.

  
“I’m sorry about your…wife.” Castiel felt like it needed to be said. Dean obviously loved someone enough to marry them and have a child with them. He must have been devastated.

  
“Thanks.” Dean’s eyes cast downwards.

  
“Must be tough raising a baby by yourself.”

  
“Yeah.” Dean began picking at his fingernails.

  
“She’s got your eyes.” Castiel said softly and Dean looked up. It was Castiel’s turn to look away.

  
“Cas…Castiel, I don’t have an excuse for what I did. I should have…” Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “…I was just so fucked up…”

  
“For the longest time, I blamed myself,” Castiel admitted.

  
Dean stared at Castiel, looking shocked. “Why, Cas? I was the one who left without a backwards glance. I was the one who fuckin’ left you.” Dean used his nickname for Castiel again and this time Castiel didn’t have the heart to correct him. He would always be Cas to Dean. It was one thing they still had.

  
“You didn’t want to go to the Mary Kate that night…” Castiel whispered and Dean closed his eyes. “…if it wasn’t for me, your father wouldn’t have…”

  
“No, Cas. No. I could have said no.”

  
“Yeah, well, it took me a long time to come to terms with that. Then I heard you got married and I realized…realized I wasn’t ever…” Castiel picked up the bottle again and took another drink. Five. He was starting to feel the buzz.

  
“Cas…”

  
Castiel slammed the bottle back on the table, cutting off Dean’s words. “It took me eleven Goddamn years of waiting for you to come back…how fuckin’ pathetic was that? Your father was right. His son wasn’t a fag.”

  
“My father was wrong.” Castiel froze. Dean face looked waxen.

  
“Don’t lie to me, Dean. Don’t fuckin’ lie to me.” Castiel’s stomach rolled with a combination of the vile alcohol and Dean’s words.

  
“I married Anna because she got pregnant. I tried so damn hard to be what my father wanted…I wanted to be straight, Cas…because it was so much easier. Anna knew…or she suspected. That’s why she…took drugs. She started getting high because her husband was…was…”

  
“Did you love her?” Castiel had to ask. He didn’t want to know the answer, but...

  
“I did...” Castiel winced. He felt those words like they were a punch to his gut.

  
Dean hurried on, “…she was funny and smart. She made me forget for a little while…but I wasn’t in love with her. If I hadn’t met her…I wouldn’t have Kali. She’s the best thing I’ve ever done.”

  
Cas swallowed, his eyes boring into Dean’s. He was looking for a sign that Dean was lying…was just making this up. Dean’s face only showed years of hurt and confusion. “I met a great guy. A guy who loved me. Left his life to come live with me and then he realized I could never love him. I was too hung up on a ghost from my past. I hurt him.”

  
The hours passed as both men shared pieces of their pain, their anger and soon the bottle of tequila was empty. “You said…said…you wished I’d…never come back. Did you…you mean it?” Dean’s words were slurred.

  
“Yes.” Castiel took the empty bottle and turned it on its side and spun it around on the table. “Didn’t want to see your face. Just made all…everything…wanted to hate you.”

  
The last thing Castiel remembered was watching Dean’s head fall to the table with an audible thunk.


	4. Balmy Breezes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's brothers try to take things into their own hands. Dean is their sworn enemy. How will Castiel deal with them?

**Saturday**

Castiel woke from his inebriated slumber with a massive headache. He squinted as the morning sun came in the small porthole over the table. Dean was still across from him, head down on the table. He saw Dean’s phone and picked it up.

  
“Mary? Yeah, it’s Castiel. Dean…uhm…may have drank a bit too much last night and I’m not sure who to call about his…daughter.” With reassurances she would take care of it, Castiel hung up.

  
“I don’t fucking believe this!” Castiel groaned as his brother’s loud shout hammered into his alcohol soaked brain.

  
“Fuck,” Castiel hissed. He placed his hands on both sides of his skull to keep his head from exploding and looked up to see his oldest brother standing at the hatch.

  
“What the fuck is this sorry motherfucker doing here?” Castiel’s eyes tracked his brother as he stormed across the small space. He tried to stand to stop him from reaching Dean, who was looking around groggily, but his legs weren’t cooperating. He watched in slow motion horror as Luc grabbed Dean by the collar of his shirt and haul him to his feet. “You were warned to stay away from him.”

  
Dean, probably feeling just as bad as Castiel, couldn’t react fast enough. Luc punched Dean right in the face. Blood gushed from his nose. He looked dazed by the blow.

  
“God damn it, Luc. Leave him alone. Stop it, you asshole.” Castiel was pulling at Luc’s arm, already cocked back for another punch. Luc let Dean go and he slumped to the floor.

  
Castiel knelt beside Dean and cradled his head in his lap. He looked up at his brother and snarled. “I cannot believe you.”

  
“Castiel, this joker was warned to stay away from you. We just…” Something in Castiel’s eyes must have warned him to shut up.

  
“Get out, Luc. I don’t need your help in dealing with Dean. I don’t need you. I don’t need Michael…or Balthazar or Gabriel. Stay away from Dean. Do I make myself clear?”

  
“Crystal, Little Brother. Crystal.” Luc stomped to the hatch and turned. “Want us around or not, we’re here for you.”

  
Castiel got a plastic bag and filled it with ice from the cooler. He covered Dean’s nose with it. The sudden cold woke Dean. He groaned and looked around. “How do you feel?”

  
“Lunk my unkin nose is roken,” whined Dean.

  
“It’s not broken, but you’ll probably have a couple of black eyes. Luc can throw a mean right hook.”

  
“No hit, herlock.” Dean pushed Castiel’s hand off the bag, holding it himself and then he tried to sit up. “Uck…Kali…” He reached into his pocket for his phone and looked around wildly.

  
Castiel held up Dean’s phone. “Don’t panic. I called your mother this morning and explained the situation. Your daughter is in good hands.”

  
“Wha you tell her?” If Castiel didn’t feel so bad for him, he would have laughed at the way Dean looked and sounded.

  
“The truth.”

  
“Uck me sigh ways,” Dean muttered. “Iss.”

  
Castiel stared at him blankly, not understanding what he was trying to say. “Ake a iss.”

  
“I don’t know that one. Can you hum a few bars?” Castiel was enjoying this a little too much.

  
“Uck you.” Dean stood and looked like he was going to pass out. He grabbed onto the bulkhead to steady himself. He looked around and made for the head. He slammed the door behind him.

  
Castiel made some instant coffee and when Dean finally came out, Castiel handed it to him. Black with one sugar. Just like Dean liked it or how he used to like it. Castiel didn’t know anymore.

  
Dean sighed after his first sip. “Nectar of the gods.”

  
“You going to be okay to drive home?” Castiel took a few steps back and sat down at the table again. He picked up the ice pack and handed it to Dean again. Dean took it and placed it gingerly on his nose.

  
“Yeth.” Dean checked his pocket for his keys and picked up his phone off the table. “Cath…I…”

  
“Go home to your daughter, Dean.” Castiel knew he sounded dismissive, but he needed time to think things through. Dean nodded to him and there was something about his eyes. Was that hurt? He turned stiffly and walked out. Castiel could hear his tread on the deck above him and the slight dip as Dean stepped off the boat.

  
Castiel cleaned up the boat and made a list of things that would need to be done to her before she was ready for her first trip out. Around noon, he left for home. While the Cindy Loo had a small shower, it had low water pressure and Castiel felt he would have gotten cleaner faster had a camel spit on him. His shower on the houseboat wasn’t ideal, but at least the water pressure was better.

  
Once he was clean and dressed, Castiel sent Dean a text asking about his nose. So, yeah, he took Dean’s phone and got his phone number while he was still out this morning. He wasn’t going to apologize for it. Not to anyone. Dean’s answer came a minute later.

  
**TEXT FROM DEAN/10:46 – I’ve had worse.**  
 **TEXT FROM YOU/10:46 – Did your mom kick your ass?**  
 **TEXT FROM DEAN/10:47 – She had too many customers.**  
 **TEXT FROM YOU/10:48 – You home?**  
 **TEXT FROM DEAN/10:49 – Yes. Watching TMNT with ice on my face.**

TMNT? What the heck was that, Castiel wondered.

**TEXT FROM YOU/10:50 – TMNT?**   
**TEXT FROM DEAN/10:51 – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.**   
**TEXT FROM YOU/10:52 – Animal Planet? Mutant Turtles? Where did they find them?**

  
Castiel would really like to see pictures of a mutant turtle. Where they mutants because of pollution? Nuclear waste? How big were they? Humans were destroying the planet.

  
**TEXT FROM DEAN/10:53 – It’s a kid’s cartoon, Cas.**

  
Oh. Castiel felt foolish. It really wasn’t his fault he lacked knowledge in pop culture. His mother wouldn’t allow a TV in the house, so he never saw cartoons unless he spent the night with someone. And that didn’t happen often because Castiel’s mother assumed everyone was a sinner and didn’t want her sons exposed. He had a TV now, but he mainly watched the Discovery Channel and the History Channel.

  
Before he could change his mind at the idiotic idea that had taken root in his mind, Castiel grabbed his wallet and keys.

  
The Roadhouse wasn’t too busy since it was after the normal lunch rush. He went to the bar to place his order.

  
“I need a to-go order, Ellen.”

  
“Sure, Honey, what’ll it be?”

  
“A cheeseburger, loaded, no onions or pickles, fries and…”

  
Ellen looked up at him expectantly. “And?”

  
“What do babies eat?”

  
“Babies?”

  
“Yeah…babies…like so high.” Castiel put his hand to his kneecap. Technically, he’d never seen her standing on terra firma. She was in a mesh cage thing or a stroller.

  
“Castiel, whose baby?”

  
“Dean’s,” he admitted.

  
“Kali? Kali isn’t really a baby, Castiel. She’s a toddler. I would get her some chicken fingers.”

  
“That’s fine. And fries. Babies…Toddlers like fries, don’t they?”

  
“Everyone likes fries.” Ellen disappeared behind the swinging door that led into the kitchen. He sat at the bar and played with a couple of cocktail straws while watching CNN deliver twenty-four hour news. Ellen came back with a large, white bag and Castiel gave her his debit card.

  
He wasn’t sure which house was Dean’s. The officers of the station were given houses in a small cul-de-sac. He drove slowly past them until he saw the Jeep parked beside one.

  
Castiel stood there with his hand poised to knock. He realized his hand was trembling. He’d done it. He’d all but forgiven Dean. Now, here he was standing on the porch of the home Dean shared with his daughter. Before he could second guess himself, he knocked.

  
The door opened and there stood Dean. He was wearing a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt that had seen better days. Castiel swallowed. A pair of sweat pants shouldn’t look that good. He blinked and then spoke. “I thought that since it was my brother who punched you in the nose, I should at least check on you and bring lunch.” Castiel held up the large, white bag. “I wasn’t sure what…” Castiel looked down at the little human that was at Dean’s feet. “…she would want or what you fed her, so I asked Ellen what babies ate.”

  
“She’s technically not a baby. They’re called toddlers at this age.”

  
“That’s what Ellen said. I got her chicken fingers and French fries.”

  
“She will love you forever,” Dean said. For some reason, the word love on Dean’s lips threw him into a tailspin. He stared at the little girl. If Castiel and Dean got together…no, he couldn’t think things like that. It would make him want things…

  
“Come in.” Dean stepped aside to usher Castiel in. More panic.

  
“No, I just wanted to drop this off. I need to…to get back…to the boat.”

  
“Boat.” Castiel looked down again. The mini-Dean said the word boat. She spoke. Words. Real words.

  
“Yes, well, I should be going. Hope you feel better.” His words came out in a rush. Castiel found himself backing up and then turning abruptly. He had to escape. He’d made it to the next to the bottom step when Dean stopped him.

  
“Cas, you going to let me have the bag?”

  
Castiel looked down at his hand, still holding the white bag. Fuck. “Yes. Yes. Sorry.”

  
Dean took the offered bag and Castiel ran down the steps and sprinted to his SUV. He drove quickly away from the man that had haunted his days and nights for fourteen long years.

  
Castiel drove home and decided to clean the houseboat, hoping it would take his mind of Dean Winchester. Laundry had piled up since the trip and there was something growing in his fridge. He threw his last load of clean clothes on his bed and began to fold them. He picked up a pair of boxers. Plain white. The kind old men wore. When had he started wearing those? He opened his drawer and stared at his underwear. Two pair of boxer briefs, a dozen or so white boxers…did he buy them online? From Sam’s Club? Thoughts of his underwear segued into thoughts of Dean. Dean’s choice of underwear. Dean’s response to Castiel’s white underwear? He needed new underwear. He picked up his phone to order some from Amazon but instead, he sent a text to Dean.

  
**TEXT FROM YOU/5:01 – Do you need anything?**  
 **TEXT FROM DEAN/5:02 – A new face.**  
 **TEXT FROM YOU/5:03 – Nothing wrong with your old face, except maybe the black eyes you probably have by now.**  
 **TEXT FROM DEAN/5:04 – I look like the Staypuff Marshmallow Man after he went a few rounds with the Michelin Tire guy.**  
 **TEXT FROM YOU/5:05 – You’d look adorable in the jaunty little sailor hat.**

  
Castiel winced. He’d already pressed send. He couldn’t take it back. He was actually flirting with the man. His brothers would kill him. His phone pinged. He opened the message and groaned. An honest to goodness, loud groan that came from deep inside. Dean had sent a picture of him in his sexy as fuck uniform. Castiel enlarged the picture and cut the older man with him out of it. He saved it to his phone. Dean’s message made him laugh.

  
**TEXT FROM DEAN/5:09 – Handsome, not adorable.**

  
Handsome didn’t cover it. There were no words.

  
The banging at his door startled him out of fantasizing about stripping that uniform from Dean’s body. Running his hands down his muscular arms. Gripping that tight ass.

  
“Alright. I’m coming.” Castiel opened the door to Gabriel and Michael.

  
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Michael shouted before Castiel even got the door opened all the way.

  
Castiel gave him a smile and said sarcastically, “I see you’ve talked to our big brother.”

  
They both pushed past him. “At least Luc punched him out. I hope it messed up his pretty little face,” Gabriel said as he made his way to Castiel fridge. He pulled out three beers.

  
“I’m glad you condone violence, it will help me to sleep better at night,” Castiel said dryly. He snatched the bottles from Gabriel’s hand. “Tomorrow morning, breakfast and family meeting. You need to leave now.”

  
“Castiel, please tell me you aren’t falling for that bastard again.”

  
Castiel gave them what he hoped was a withering look. They turned to go, but Castiel could tell they weren’t happy about it and he dreaded the family meeting. He didn’t bother calling Balthazar and Luc. He knew they would get the message. He imagined he was the topic of conversation for his brothers these days.

  
**Sunday**

  
At seven, Castiel heard the sound of boots on the wooden dock. He opened the fridge and got out the orange juice and the fresh fruit. The biscuits were about ready to come out of the oven and the sausage patties were staying warm in the frying pan.

  
As his brothers entered the houseboat without knocking, Castiel looked up. They all had a look about them, the one that said their baby brother had done something they weren’t pleased with. It was time to settle this once and for all.

  
Nobody spoke, but the brothers fixed their coffee and pour orange juice in the mismatched plastic cups Castiel had gotten out of his cabinet earlier. Castiel set everything on the counter and then took the biscuits and dumped them onto a platter.  
The only sounds were the scrap of silverware as the men fixed their plates. Finally, after everyone took their plates to the table out on the deck, Luc spoke. “You’re seeing him again.” It was a statement of fact, not a question.

  
Castiel took a bite of melon and chewed it slowly and carefully. He swallowed and took a sip of his orange juice. He knew it was driving his brothers batshit crazy, but isn’t that what little brothers do? He smiled at his own humor. Balthazar was the one that broke first.

  
“I can’t believe this. You are seeing him.”

  
Castiel looked at each of his brothers in turn until he ended on Luc. “What I do with my life is my business. I’m not a kid anymore. I’m almost forty fucking years old. My mistakes are my own. Whether or not I’m seeing Dean Winchester is also…My. Fucking. Business.” The last three words were said with as much venom as Castiel could muster.

  
All of his brothers began to talk at once and Castiel ignored them to put butter on one of the biscuits.

  
“Enough!” Luc shouted and the room became eerily quiet. Castiel took a bite of his biscuit and lean back in his chair.

  
“He left you, Castiel. He left you and never once got in touch with you in fifteen fucking years.”

  
“Fourteen,” corrected Castiel. “But you are correct. He left me and never once communicated with me during all that time. What you don’t know is what happened on the boat that night after I left him. You don’t know a lot of shit. You may think you do, but you have no fucking clue. If…If I decide to let Dean Winchester back into my life, it is my decision. Not yours.”

  
His brothers didn’t comment. Luc pushed his plate away, fuming. Balthazar and Michael traded worried glances and Gabriel had his head tilted, studying Castiel like he was a bug under a microscope.

  
Castiel continued. “What you should know is he’s not the same boy that left me. I’m not the same boy he left. We talked. I’ve made peace with what happened. I’m not asking you to be his best friend, but I am asking you to respect my decisions.”

  
“Respect…” Luc started.

  
Castiel jabbed his finger into Luc’s chest. “And you…you will apologize to Dean. You will apologize and you will promise me that you will never…ever touch him again or so help me God, you will have me to deal with.”

  
Luc pushed back his chair so hard that it fell to the deck with a loud crash. He stomped over to the railing and looked at the river flowing steadily past. Castiel could see how rigid his brother’s shoulders were. “Fine.”

  
Castiel raised an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear that.”

  
Luc spun and he was in Castiel’s personal space before Castiel could react. His finger poked Castiel’s chest hard enough to hurt. Gabriel stood, ready to get between them if it came to that. “I said fine. You better not push it, Little Brother.”

  
As a unit, Michael and Balthazar stood as well. “We need to get ready for church. Gabriel, you coming?”

  
Gabriel put his hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “We’ve always supported your decisions, Castiel. If Winchester has truly changed and you forgive him, we will support you.”

  
The three of them walked out, leaving Luc and Castiel staring at each other. “You are asking a lot, Castiel. I helped pick up the pieces when he left and again after…” The words ‘your accident’ remained unspoken.

  
“I know. And I love you for that, Luc, but as pathetic as it may sound, I still…” Castiel couldn’t make him say the word, instead he bit his lip and began cleaning off the table. Without a word, Luc helped him. Castiel wrapped the biscuits in aluminum foil and put it in Luc’s hands. “Trust my judgment, Luc. Please.” Castiel knew those biscuits would be delivered to Dean and an apology would be made. He knew his brother only wanted Castiel to be happy.

  
Luc nodded briskly and turned to go. “You know I wouldn’t do this for the others,” he muttered.

  
Castiel smiled. “I know. It’s because I’m your favorite.”

  
Luc laughed and shook his head. The door shut behind him.

  
**TEXT FROM GABRIEL/11:25 – Lunch at Roadhouse. 20 minutes.**  
 **TEXT FROM YOU/11:26 – 30.**  
 **TEXT FROM GABRIEL/11:26 – Fine. Controlling asshat.**

  
Castiel chuckled to himself and decided a shower was needed before he went out in public. Gabriel was getting out of his SUV when Castiel pulled up. Ash and two of Gabriel’s deck hands were waiting by the door. The men walked into the dim interior together, loud and brash. Gabriel stopped in front of Castiel and Castiel came close to running up onto him. He looked over to find Dean sitting at the bar, his daughter in his lap. “Dude, Luc really got in a good one.”

  
“Shut up, Gabe,” Dean said roughly, his eyes were on Castiel though. Castiel was fascinated by Dean’s daughter’s actions. The tiny child had a soggy French fry and was rubbing it along Dean’s jaw. Dean didn’t even seem to notice. Was that what fatherhood was like?

  
“Luc did that?” Ash asked. “What did you do to piss him off? Luc never loses his temper.”

  
“Luc just hates it that I’m prettier than he is,” Dean said sarcastically. “He tried to take out the competition.”

  
Castiel caught himself before he grinned. Ash looked disbelieving, but Gabriel was steering them to a corner table. “Hey, Jo, we need a pitcher of beer and burgers for everyone except Castiel. He wants the grilled tuna.”

  
He tried to focus on what his friends were saying, but he had one eye trained on Dean the entire time. He watched the other man wipe his daughter’s face with a napkin. She seemed like a happy little thing. Dean sat the toddler on her sneakered feet and was pulling out his wallet when the kid took off across the dance floor making a beeline for the old piano.

  
“Kali, no!” Dean’s shout made the child hesitate and her feet got tangled and she landed face down on the wooden dance floor. She began to cry and Castiel rushed to her. Without thinking about Dean or how it would look to his friends, he scooped her up and held her to his chest. She was sobbing into his shirt and clinging to the material with tight, little fists. Unsure what to do now that he was holding her, he patted her back clumsily.

  
Dean got to them seconds later. Castil tried to pass her off to Dean, but Kali was facing away from her father and didn’t see him. She clung to Castiel, still sobbing with a few small hiccups thrown in. It was enough to break Castiel’s heart. Dean moved behind Castiel so his daughter could see him. “Kali, Baby, Daddy’s here.” He held up his hands and she finally loosened her death grip on Castiel.

  
“Shhh, Princess, Daddy’s got you.”

  
“Daddy,” she wailed.

  
“Is she going to be okay?” Castiel asked, worried about any broken bones. She was so small and felt so fragile in his arms. She could have snapped one of those tiny bones into.

  
“She’s fine. I imagine her pride is hurt more than anything else.”

  
Castiel’s eyebrows came together in a scowl. “But she fell. She could have damaged her knees or…”

  
“Cas, kids are tough. She just fell down. No need to call a trauma team. Kali, want to go get a cookie from Grandmama?”

  
Kali’s tears stopped like someone flipped a switch. “Cookie.”

  
Dean smirked at Castiel. “See?”

  
“Drama queen,” Castiel said with a grin. He couldn’t believe how quickly she’d gone from wailing to smilng.

  
“She is.” The two men were staring into each other’s eyes now. Kali had settled on Dean’s shoulder, seemingly content that her minor mishap was going to be rewarded with a cookie. The seconds ticked by and Gabe startled them both by appearing next to them.

  
“Quit eye f.u.c.k.i.n.g., you’re going to scar the kid.”

  
Dean took a step back. Castiel gave Gabriel a scathing look and stomped back to their table without a backwards glance at Dean. He was embarrassed by Gabriel’s comment. He was also pissed.


	5. Anchors Aweigh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things begin to come together for the boys. Castiel forces Dean's hand.

When Gabriel got back to the table, Castiel wouldn’t even look at him. He wasn’t going to fight with his brother…about Dean…in front of their friends. Gabriel knew his was pissed though. They finished lunch and the guys from the station left. Once they were alone, Castiel rounded on Gabriel. “Of all the…”

  
“Whoa, hold your horses, Baby Bro…” Gabriel held up both of his hands. “…I was just joking around. I’m sorry if I pissed you off.”

  
“How could a stupid comment like that not piss me off? Sometimes I wish I was an only child.”

  
Gabriel pooched his lips out in an exaggerated pout. “That is cold, Castiel.”

  
The rest of Castiel’s week flew by. There was painting to do, rigging to check, supplies to load…the Cindy Loo was now a dark forest green and her name wasn’t on the boat anymore. She was back in the water after her stint in the boatyard for painting. She looked good.

  
He wasn’t going to make a big deal out of the name changing thing. His plan was to have Father O’Brian bless her and maybe have a toast of champagne with his brothers. Only that wasn’t going to happen now. His brothers insisted that he have a ceremony…a ceremony with invitations and cases of champagne. Bastards. He’d had to order the invitations and have them Fed Ex-ed. They were hand delivered that morning by his old crew. That was the good thing about living in a small community. You could deliver stuff to everyone in town in less than twenty-four hours.

  
Castiel wondered if Dean was going to come. He’d had Ash hand deliver Dean’s invitation. It took all the willpower he had not to call or communicate with Dean in any way the last few days. While his old feelings were there, he still had to work on his trust of the man. He still didn’t know what Dean really wanted. It seemed like Dean was leaning towards friendship, not something deeper.

  
He stood on the dock and looked down at his boat. She looked good. He’d painted on her name himself. The Angel II was ready for her christening. He headed home and as he turned off the ignition, his phone pinged.

  
**TEXT FROM DEAN/8:15 – Got your invitation today.**

  
Castiel put the phone back in his pocket and got out of the truck. He unlocked the houseboat and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. He kicked off his boots and socks. Barefoot, he stepped out on the deck and sat with his feet up on the railing. He took a sip of the cold beer and sighed. Then he remembered Dean’s text.

  
**TEXT FROM YOU/8:30 – Hope you can make it.**  
 **TEXT FROM DEAN/8:31 - Kind of short notice.**  
 **TEXT FROM YOU/8:32 – Sorry about that. Wasn’t going to have a ceremony, but Balthazar and Michael have insisted. Just got the printed invitations by Fedex yesterday.**  
 **TEXT FROM DEAN/8:33 – I’ll be there.**

  
He’d be there. Castiel smiled down at his phone. Dean was going to be there.

  
**TEXT FROM YOU/8:34 – Good.**  
 **TEXT FROM YOU/8:35 – That means a great deal.**  
 **TEXT FROM YOU/8:36 – I’m having a private celebration at my houseboat later that evening. Perhaps you could get a babysitter.**

  
His brothers may pitch a fit, but it was his party. For his boat. If he wanted to invite Dean, he would. They would just have to deal with it…or leave.

  
**TEXT FROM DEAN/8:39 – Cool.**  
 **TEXT FROM DEAN/8:39 – Do I need to bring anything?**  
 **TEXT FROM YOU/8:40 – No. I have everything.**

  
He dreaded the conversation he was going to have with his brothers. He finished his beer, took a hot shower and fell asleep.

  
**Saturday**

  
“So, you just expect us to act like he threw our brother out like the trash?” Michael ranted. “We’re just supposed to make nice with him?”

  
Before Michael could answer, Luc spoke up. “We need to respect Castiel’s decisions. Maybe he has changed. I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I suggest you all do, for Castiel.”

  
Castiel looked at his oldest brother and felt a wave of love and affection for him. “Thank you, Luc.”

  
Michael and Balthazar both muttered under their breath, but the oldest had spoken and Castiel knew they all would be on their best behavior.

  
**Sunday**

  
Castiel looked around at the people gathering at the marina. He loved being a part of this town and its sense of community. Everyone came together in times of celebration or mourning, good times and bad. The cases of champagne were on ice. The plastic flutes were stacked on a table ready to be given out to everyone. Father O’Brian was in his priestly robes and ready to go.

  
His brothers were taking their places at the table and handing out the flutes. His crew were waiting by the cooler and once the priest and Castiel got by the bow of his boat, they began walking around the crowd pouring the cold champagne into plastic glasses. Next to the priest, on a table made of stacked crab traps, stood another bottle of champagne.

  
Father O’Brien cleared his throat and his voice rang out. "For thousands of years, we have gone to sea. We have crafted vessels to carry us and we have called them by name. These ships will nurture and care for us through perilous seas, and so we affectionately call them ‘she’. To them we toast, and ask to celebrate the Angel II."

  
Then everybody raised their champagne and shouted, "To the sailors of old, to the Angel II and her brave crew."

  
The crowd took a sip and then Father O’Brien continued, "The moods of the sea are many, from tranquil to violent. We ask that this boat be given the strength to carry on. The keel stay strong and she keeps out the pressures of the sea."

  
Again the flutes were raised and the assemblage shouted, "To the sea...to the sailors of old...to the sea!" Everybody took another sip.

  
"Today we come to name this lady Angel II, and send her to sea to be cared for, and to care for the Novak family. We ask the sailors of old and the mood of God that is the sea to accept Angel II as her name, to help her through her passages, and allow her to return with her crew safely."

  
For the last time, the flutes were raised, "To the sea...to the sailors before us...to Angel II."

  
The crowd took one final drink and a line formed, the last sip in their flutes was poured over the bow to appease Neptune. Castiel laid a green laurel wreath on the deck to ensure safe returns and then the priest took the bottle of champagne and broke it across the bow. The crowd cheered.

  
Castiel looked at the faces in the crowd and saw Dean. He was grinning up at Castiel and Castiel smiled. “Castiel, you’ve got a fine vessel here.” The priest’s words took Castiel attention away from Dean. He shook the priest’s offered hand and shook it firmly. “May she bring you and your good crew home safely after each voyage.

  
“Thank you, Father.”

  
He looked around for Dean after the priest walked away, but didn’t see him. The next hour was spent shaking hands and making conversation with the people who’d turned out for the event. One or two of his brothers were always standing around him and while he caught sight of Dean a few times, by the time he’d disengaged who he was talking to, the man was gone again. His phone notified him of a text.

  
**TEXT FROM DEAN/2:35 – What time should I come to your place?**

  
Castiel looked at the screen, excused himself from the mayor and his wife, and typed his one number reply.

  
**TEXT FROM YOU/2:40 – 7.**

  
By six-thirty, all of his brothers were at the houseboat. Coolers of beer were set up at random places by the dock and on the deck of the boat. The grill was ready to be started and the burgers were made.

  
Castiel looked up at each vehicle that came down the driveway. Dean wasn’t there yet, but he wasn’t worried. At seven, his phone rang. He saw Will’s name on the screen. “Not now,” he mumbled. He stepped inside to take the call. He moved into his bedroom since people were walking in and out of the kitchen and living room.

  
“Hello.”

  
“Castiel, how did the ceremony go?” Will’s voice was slightly slurred.

  
“Have you been drinking?”

  
“I’ve had a cocktail, Castiel. Just to toast you since I wasn’t there…I miss you…I wish I could have been…”

  
“I do miss you, Will. And you were invited.” Castiel didn’t need this…not now.

  
“Yes, you invited me and I would have had to share your time with your old lover. Have you made up with him yet? Have you slept with him yet?”

  
Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yes, we’ve talked. No, I’m not sleeping with him. Will, you are the one that left…”

  
“You wanted me to go. You know why I left.” Will’s voice was an irritating whine now.

  
“Yes, I know why...”

  
“I loved you so much. Wasn’t I good enough for you, Castiel. Was he so damn good in bed that you couldn’t forget him?”

  
“I’m not going to answer that question.” Drunk Will was not easy to reason with. It rarely happened. His normal conversations with his old boyfriend were sentimental…easy.

  
“He’s only going to throw you aside again, Castiel.”

  
“I know what I’m risking.” Did he?

  
“Damn it, Castiel. I’m the one who loves you, not him.”

  
“Will, please, don’t do this…why can’t we just be…”

  
“Fuck you, Castiel. I don’t want to be your God damned friend.” Castiel winced. He knew Will didn’t mean it. The line went dead. Will had either hung up or passed out. He dropped the phone on his dresser.

  
“Fuck.” He took a few seconds to count to ten. He needed to get back to the party. “I can do this.”

  
Castiel walked down the short passageway and pulled up sharply. Dean was standing in his living room.

  
“Dean, when did you get here?”

  
“Just a second ago. I didn’t realize it was going to be a party.” Dean looked at him strangely. Castiel couldn’t quite figure out the emotions playing out on Dean’s face.

  
Castiel’s head cocked sideways. “Celebration usually means a party, doesn’t it? What did you think it was going to be?” Understanding dawned. Wow, the arrogant ass thought he’d invited him over for a fuck. His anger must have shown in his expression, because Dean looked panicked.

  
“No…I didn’t expect that. I just thought we’d kick back, have a few beers…”

  
“Fuck for old time’s sake?” God, how could he have been so stupid? He thought Dean had changed, grown, matured.

  
“What? No. Hell, no. God, Cas, what do you think I am?” Emotions were still warring on Dean’s face, but Castiel didn’t bother to try to read them.

  
Castiel ran his fingers through his already messed up hair. “I must have been a fucking axe murderer in another life,” he muttered mainly to himself.

  
“Cas, look, I…”

  
“Just shut up, Dean. Just shut the fuck up.”

  
Dean looked…sad. He nodded and turned to go. He took a step and Balthazar blocked his way. Castiel couldn’t help notice how Dean’s shoulders were slumped forward. Since he’d come back, Dean had a military bearing about him. It was gone now. He just looked like a man, a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

  
“Castiel, is everything okay?” Balthazar wasn’t looking at Castiel. The hateful glare was directed at Dean.

  
“Yes. Could you give me and Dean a few minutes? We’ll be out in a little while.”

  
Balthazar sneered at Dean, but slammed the door shut behind him. Dean didn’t turn around. “I’m going, Cas. I won’t bother you again.”

  
Castiel moved to Dean and caught his arm, easily pulling the unsuspecting man around to face him. He was still angry, but they need to clear the air. “Damn you, Dean Winchester. You waltz back into town…into my life…and made me… I…I just wanted us to be friends again, Dean.” It was a lie. He was lying to himself. God help him, he wanted more.

  
“Yeah, I got that. Loud and clear.” Dean tried to pull his arm away.

  
“No, I don’t think you do. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let myself want you again. Wouldn’t risk my heart again…but seeing you again…” Dean’s face looked…shocked…relieved. “It would have been easier if…”

  
“Cas…stop…” Dean jammed his hands in the pocket of his jeans. “I don’t know if I’m capable of…”

  
“Of for the love of Christ, you both still have something…who knows if it’s lust or whatever, but this back and forth shit is driving me crazy.” Gabriel’s voice came from the doorway. Neither of them had heard the door open again. “I feel like locking you both in a room somewhere until you either fuck or decide you really hate each other.”

  
Balthazar pushed Gabriel aside. “He’s not fucking Castiel. I don’t want the bastard anywhere near…”

  
“Bal, shut up and just let them figure it out for themselves,” Luc yelled above his brother’s rant.

  
When Michael’s voice joined the fray, Castiel had enough. “Get out. All of you,” he shouted. The silence was deafening. “I want all of you to just go. Now.”

  
His brothers grumbled but they turned to go. Castiel heard them on deck telling everyone that the party was over. Dean took a couple of quick steps towards the door. “Not you.”

  
Castiel spun around and stepped into his galley. There were a few bottles of alcohol on the counter for the party. He grabbed the vodka and poured himself a shot. He downed it before he spoke again. “Maybe Gabe had it right.”

  
“What’s that?” Dean asked. Castiel shook his head and walked past him. Dean followed him to the deck. Castiel untied the lines to the houseboat and brushed past Dean on his way to the helm. He turned the keys in the ignition and the engine coughed once and caught.

  
“Cas, what are you doing?”

  
“We’re going for a ride.” The only way to hash things out with Dean was to get away from everything and everyone they knew. If he had to take his boat to China, so be it. Luckily for Dean, he kept his mouth shut. Castiel was keeping his anger at bay, just beneath the surface. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Dean move to the railing and stand there. He knew Dean was watching him.

  
Castiel steered the houseboat down the river. She wasn’t a fast boat, so it was twenty minutes before he got to the place he was looking for. He steered towards the bank and killed the engine. She drifted another few feet and her bow hit the sandy bottom. Castiel picked this place because it was in the middle of nowhere. No one lived in this area because it was in the middle of forestland. Castiel took his hands off the helm and looked at Dean. He had to give him credit, the man had been patient. Castiel motioned for Dean to follow him inside. It was dark inside, so Castiel flipped on one of the smaller lamps and sat down. Dean took a seat on the couch.

  
“I can’t go through this again, Dean. I can’t give you everything and have you walk away.” Dean opened his mouth to speak, but Castiel held up a hand. “Please let me finish.” Dean nodded. “If all you want is a fuck, let me know now and I’ll deal with it. I just want you to be honest and up front this time.”

  
Dean stood up and began to pace the small room. “Let me get this straight, if I tell you all I want from you is sex, you’ll be okay with it?”

  
“I said I’d deal with it.” Would he be okay with it? Could he be okay with it? Castiel wasn’t really sure anymore.

  
“What if…if I want…more?”

  
“You don’t,” Castiel said matter-of-factly.

  
Dean’s face reddened in anger. “You don’t know what I want!” Dean said loudly. Too loud in the smallness of the houseboat.

  
“Let me tell you what I do know. I know you got married, long after your father died. You married because you were still wanting to prove you weren’t a fag like me.” Dean visibly winced. “Say what you want about her getting pregnant and wanting to do the right thing, but you dated her…you got to take her out in public.” Dean’s eyebrows rose and he looked like he just realized something obvious.

  
“When you’re drunk, you don’t hold anything back, Dean. You don’t want a relationship with a man, Dean. I don’t think you ever did.” Castiel let his words sink in. Dean stood in silence, hands fisted at his side.

  
“I also know that you have a child now. Eventually, you will want a mother for her. I won’t fit in your life, Dean. I won’t fit into your future.”

  
“So, what, you’re offering up yourself as my fuck buddy? What happened to your self-respect, Cas?” Dean’s voice was cold with anger.

  
“I have self-respect, Dean. I’ve haven’t hidden who I was since my mother died. I won’t hide who I am. Since when does sleeping with a nice looking man mean you have no self-respect?” Castiel didn’t know where the words were coming from. They flowed out of his mouth like he was in control…inside, his stomach was clinched up tight.

  
“I’m not fucking you, Cas. If I want a quick fuck, I’ll go somewhere else…Eugene, Portland… I want…” Dean stopped abruptly.

  
Castiel could actually see Dean’s internal struggle on his beautiful face. He smiled sadly. “If you say you want to be friends, I’ll punch you myself. I can’t be your friend…not now…not after…you left me. I’m not a masochist, Dean.”

  
“But you could let me fuck you?” Dean said incredulously.

  
“Sex is sex, Dean. Surely, you know that. You said when you got to Key West, you found a lot of available men. You could separate your feelings from sex. Why do you think I can’t?” He couldn’t because he was different. He could talk big. He could tell Dean he’d be fine with a sexual relationship. It may kill him, but Dean didn’t have to know. God, he was pathetic. He was willing to take crumbs if Dean was willing to throw them.

  
“I’m not…I can’t just fuck you, Cas. And you don’t want to be friends. Where does that leave us?”

  
“There is no us, Dean.” Castiel said softly. Again, pain flashed in Dean’s eyes. Was he forcing Dean’s hand? Did the man care for him more than he could admit? Even to himself?

  
“I don’t believe that. We loved each other once, Cas.”

  
“Once, maybe…”

  
“No maybes. I was in love with you. You loved me too, unless you were lying?” Dean said carefully, like he was gauging Castiel’s reaction.

  
A stab of pain hit Castiel’s heart. “I never lied to you, Dean. Never.”

  
“Give me a chance, Cas. Please.”

  
Castiel closed his eyes and whispered, his words barely audible. “I won’t be your dirty little secret, Dean.”

  
Dean didn’t respond. He simply stood there, staring at him. That was exactly what Dean wanted. Castiel’s already damaged heart, broke a little bit more. “That’s what I thought.”

  
He walked past Dean and started the motor. Dean didn’t move a muscle. As he slipped the throttle into reverse to nudge the houseboat off the bank, Dean’s hand caught him and spun him around. His hands came up and gripped Castiel’s shoulders, hard, just this side of painful. “I want to date you, Cas. Take you out in public. Hold hands. Fuck, if you want PDAs in front of the whole fucking fleet, you got it.”

  
Castiel’s eyes met Dean’s with an intensity that scared him. He wanted to look away, afraid of what he would see. What had Gabriel called it? Eye fucking. Castiel wondered if his eyes were as expressive as Dean’s. Could Dean see the confusion, the affection, the love? Dean licked his lips and Castiel’s eyes flicked downwards. A nearly inaudible gasp escaped his lips. “I need to get us turned around.”

  
He backed up a step to give him some distance otherwise, he’d be tempted to…to what? Kiss the object of his desire? He fumbled for the helm and wrapped his hands around it so Dean couldn’t see that they were trembling.

  
“Yeah, I guess so.” Dean took out his phone and checked the time.

  
The rest of the trip back was uneventful. Castiel navigated through the dark water easily. He’d grown up going up and down this river. He could do this route blindfolded. Dean seemed content to lean against the rail next to Castiel. They didn’t talk much, just an occasional question or observation. Castiel was aware that he hadn’t answered Dean’s question. Dating? As high school as it sounded, it gave Castiel a warm feeling.

  
Dean jumped to the dock as Castiel guided the houseboat to nudge against his dock. Dean tied her off quickly. Castiel stepped over the few inches of water separating the boat from the wooden planks and quickly hooked up a large extension cord.

  
“You’ve got power all the way out here?”

  
“Yes. It cost a fortune, but it was worth it. I thought about building a house up here, but the lot is really too small for that.” Castiel’s mind drifted for a few seconds.

  
_He’d finally saved up enough money to buy the lot next to his narrow strip of waterfront property. He wanted to build a house. Nothing too elaborate, maybe a modern home with a country look. He called the owner and told him he finally had the money. The owner regrettably told him that someone else had offered him the original asking price and because he wanted the parcel sold, he’d taken it. He went on to tell Castiel he was sorry. Castiel remembered sitting there quietly while the man apologized. Finally, he’d asked. “Who bought it?”_

  
_“John Winchester. You probably know him.” Oh, Castiel knew him alright. He also knew John had found out somehow that Castiel wanted that land._

  
_It was only six months later that John went down with the Mary Kate, but the land belonged to his sons then. He couldn’t make himself ask Sam if he could buy it and Dean was out of the picture…out of his life. Not a day went by that he didn’t drive down his wooded road and curse the sorry bastard._

  
“No one else lives around here. Why don’t you see who owns the adjacent property and try to buy it?”

  
“I know who owns it.” Castiel said softly. He began walking to Dean’s Jeep. “Heard you have the Impala in Bobby’s garage.”

  
“Yeah, I want to get her running again. I missed her,” Dean lamented. He unlocked the door and stood nervously.

  
Cas chuckled because he could still read Dean. Dean wanted to kiss him and it delighted Castiel. “I don’t kiss on the first date.” He took a step back from Dean.

  
“Was this our first date?” Dean’s smile lit up his face.

  
“Yes.”

  
“Good. I’m looking forward to the next one then. Goodnight, Cas.”

  
“Goodnight, Dean.”

  
Castiel stood in the driveway and watch Dean’s taillights disappear behind the trees. Only then did he turn and go back to the houseboat.

  
**Monday**

  
The seas were calm as the Angel II cut through the water. For her first day out, she was handling like a champ. His crew were getting the rigging ready and he hoped they had good luck today. He spent most of the day daydreaming about Dean. Ash teased him since it was obvious that his head was in the clouds.

  
Their luck held and the hold was soon stacked with crates of whiting and tuna. “Let’s take her in, Ash.”

  
“Aye, Captain.” Ash began the process of bringing in the rigging and securing it. Castiel set his coordinates for home and pushed the throttle down. They were heading home.

  
Because they were at sea, the cell towers didn’t reach them until they were less than a mile out. Usually, his phone blew up with all his notifications coming in at once. Emails, texts, app updates…he usually swept through them pretty quickly. He saw the text from Dean and disregarded all the others.

  
**TEXT FROM DEAN/4:40 – Call when you get in. Dinner?**

  
It was sent close to two hours ago. He’d call him when he reached the dock.

  
As he pulled into the marina, the normal controlled chaos was in full swing. Boats were being unloaded, jokes and catcalls were shouted from boat to boat, the refrigerator trucks idled as crates of fresh fish were loaded into them. Ash tied them off and his crew went to work unloading the catch.

  
Balthazar came up to him as he was counting the crates and marking them on his clipboard. “Dean bought some fish off of me today.” Castiel’s eyes widened.

  
“Really?” He kept his tone casual. Out of his brothers Balthazar and Michael were the holdouts when it came to Dean.

  
“Seems like he making you dinner tonight.” Balthazar’s tone was just as casual.

  
“He is? What am I having?”

  
“I gave him a tuna and some of my crabs.”

  
“How much did you fleece him for?” If he knew Balthazar, his brother probably charged him a full retail price…maybe more.

  
“I said I gave it to him. He is cooking for my baby brother, after all.”

  
“Who are you and what have you done with my brother?” Castiel asked sarcastically, his smile told his brother he was teasing.

  
“Jury is still out on the guy, but he announced to the whole fucking marina that you two were dating.”

  
“What?” Castiel couldn’t believe it. He finished recording his catch and dialed Dean.  If Balthazar had given Dean even the smallest portion of his catch, then Dean must have impressed his brother somehow.

  
“Hey, Cas.”

  
“Hello, Dean. I’m at the docks now, unloading.”

  
“How did she run?”

  
“Good. She’s a bit bulkier than the Angel, but we had a good haul today.”

  
“That’s great. I was hoping you could come over for dinner. I got some crab and tuna from Balthazar and I thought I’d…”

  
“Balthazar? You…he…” Castiel couldn’t finish his question before he heard Dean laughing.

  
“He threatened me, but gave me enough food to make you a nice dinner.”

  
“I’ll need to finish unloading and take a shower. Can you give me another hour?

  
“Sure. Hurry though, Kali needs to eat at least an hour before bedtime or she…” Dean paused and Castiel waited. “…she gets cranky.”

  
“Oh, okay.”

  
“See you soon.”

  
“Goodbye, Dean.”

  
Castiel raced home and was in the shower in no time. The hot water and soap eased his tired muscles and took away the odor of fish. He dressed quickly, grabbed his wallet, phone and keys and then he was on his way.

  
He stood outside of Dean’s house wondering if he should have picked up a bottle of wine or something. He was empty handed, but it was too late now. He rang the doorbell.

  
Dean opened the door, a welcoming grin on his face. “You’re right on time.”

  
Castiel smiled in return and walked into the house. It smell wonderful. Dean’s daughter was standing in front of him and held up her arms. “Up.”

  
“Kali, come to Daddy.” Dean reached down and picked her up. “Time to eat, Princess.”

  
She kicked her feet and turned in Dean’s arms. “No.” She reached for Castiel. What was he supposed to do in a situation like this? He wanted Dean’s daughter to like him.

  
“Kali Lynn, please be a good girl. Remember, we just talked about this.” Dean gave Castiel a rueful smile and led the way to the dining room. “Let me just put her in her highchair and I’ll grab the food.”

  
Dean was wrestling the child into her highchair and it looked like the child was winning the battle. Dean looked a little flustered. “She’s normally not…” Dean took a kick to the ribs. “…like this.”

  
“Want man,” she cried, her lips beginning to tremble. Dean managed to get one leg under the straps, but by the time he got the other one confined, the first one was out again. If Castiel hadn’t felt so bad for the man, it would have been funny.

  
“Perhaps, if I were to…hold her…you could…finish dinner.”

  
Dean spun, Kali dangling from his hands, the relief on his face was comical. “You wouldn’t mind? She seems to like you.”

  
Castiel took the pouting child and she brightened right up. She even patted his face. He hadn’t shaved and she rubbed her hand over it gingerly, her eyes crunched up like she was trying to figure out what was on his face. Surely, she’d seen and touched Dean’s stubble, lucky kid.

  
Dean gave Castiel instructions on putting the child in her highchair while he got their meal on the table. It was more complicated than one would think. Castiel couldn’t figure out why so many straps were need. He didn’t need to go through his much to tie down his boat. “Is there a reason we have to tie her down? It seems a bit obsessive.”

  
“Are you kidding? If you turn your back on her, she’ll be out of that seat and falling on her head in a heartbeat. She’s a wild child.” Castiel looked down at the child. She was looking up at him with an adorable angelic smile.

  
Dean cut up her meal and sat it in front of her before serving Castiel. They ate in companionable silence for the first few minutes. Castiel watched in horrified silence as Kali took the scalloped potatoes and rubbed them into her hair. Dean didn’t seem to find it unusual so Castiel remained silent.

  
A few minutes later, Kali tossed a piece of tuna into the middle of the table. Castiel looked at the messy child in amazement. Where all children like this. A few minutes ago, she was an angel touching his face and now…now she was acting like a middle school child in a cafeteria food fight.

  
Dean’s phone rang. Castiel watched him look at the screen and frown. “Sorry, gotta take this.”

  
Dean listened for a few seconds and then said, “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

  
Dean’s answer must not have been good enough, because his next words were, “I’m sorry, I’ve got my baby here. I’ll drop her off at my mom’s and be there as soon as I can.”

  
He hung up and looked across the table at Castiel. “I’m sorry. I’ve got a person in the water.”

  
“Go, I can manage watching Kali.”

  
“Cas, I can’t ask you…”

  
“Go, Dean.” He could do this. How bad could watching a small child be? He handled several tons of boat in rough seas. It would only be for a couple of hours. She was old enough to watch cartoons, wasn’t she? And surely, she would go to bed early.


	6. Sand and Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adventures in babysitting or the miracles of duct tape.

Castiel felt his first twinge of panic when the door shut behind Dean. Kali looked at him from her highchair. “Daddy go bye bye.”

  
“Yes. Yes, he did.”

  
She blinked at him and picked up a handful of her potatoes. Castiel wasn’t quite sure if any of food made it into her mouth. The majority went onto her cheeks and down the front of her outfit. He sat back down and watched in muted horror as she ate…okay, you couldn’t call that eating…tiny hands slapped at the tray of her highchair and food particles flew in every direction. Eventually, she began to kick her feet and make soft grunting sounds. Was she trying to communicate? “What do you want, Kali?”

  
“Down.”

  
“Oh.” The very idea of touching the food covered child made his palms sweat. It wasn’t that she was gross…he dealt in fish guts on a daily basis, no, it was more of the thought that she might slip out of his hands since she was greased up with a combination of fish, scalloped potatoes and green peas. He stood, much the same as a man walking up the stairs to meet his death by hanging.

  
He swallowed, took a deep breath and reached down to unbuckle the countless straps that held her down. As he worked, Kali rubbed the food mixture into his forearms. He smiled at her reassuringly. “Almost done.”

  
“Potty.”

  
Castiel’s testicles seemed to draw up into his belly. She was a little girl. “Okay, give me a few more seconds…” There, the last buckle came undone and Castiel lifted her out. He held her at arm’s length and she dangled, seemingly unfazed by the fear in his eyes.

  
“Potty.”

  
“Yes.” Castiel looked around wildly. Was there a bathroom downstairs? Was she even potty trained? He put her down on the floor and she toddled off in the direction of the small hallway. She waited at the door of a darkened room. Castiel flipped the switch and lights came on to show a small half bath. There was a small contraption on the floor beside the toilet that looked like a toilet in miniature. Kali was pulling down her shorts, so Castiel turned his back. She was a little girl…it would be totally inappropriate to watch her pee. Oh, God, what if she had to do the other… Castiel felt sweat beading on his forehead.

  
He tried to block out the sound of the child emptying her bladder. It didn’t work. He heard the sound of the toilet paper roll being spun…and spun…and spun… How much of the stuff could she possibly…he turned around and saw the little girl stuffing handfuls of the stuff into her pottychair. “Uhm, Kali, don’t you think that is enough?”

  
“Wipe butt.”

  
“Well, yes, that is what you do with toilet paper, but you seem to be…uhm…not doing that.” He avoided looking at her naked butt, her shorts and panties still around her stubby little legs. “Can you pull up your pants?”

  
“You does it.” She waddled towards him and he thanked God her t-shirt was long enough to cover her…parts…or lack thereof. Closing his eyes, he felt around for the waistband of her pants. He pulled both garments up at the same time. He opened his eyes again. The cream sauce from the potatoes had started to form a crust in her hair and on her skin.

  
He made a quick decision. “Let’s wash you off, okay?”

  
“Bath.”

  
No…God, that would mean she had to be naked. “No…let’s just…uhm…”

  
Five long minutes later, he had a towel and the baby shampoo he found in the upstairs bathroom. He pulled the disgusting t-shirt off and tossed it on the floor. He picked her up and sat her on the counter next to the kitchen sink. “We’re going to wash your hair. Won’t that be fun?”

  
“No. No wash hair.”

  
“Sure, it will be lots of fun.” He started the tap and ran his fingers under it until the water was warm. “Let’s lay down now.”

  
“No!” Her face scrunched up. “No…no…no.”

  
“Kali…your hair is…” Fucking nasty. “…dirty.”

  
“No!”

  
“Jesus Christ,” he muttered, raking his fingers through his hair.

  
“Jez Crisp.”

  
“Crap…don’t say that.”

  
“Crap.”

  
Damn it, did the kid repeat everything? Dean used to have a filthy mouth…how did he manage?

  
Castiel needed help. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, keeping an eye on the child who was still sitting on the counter top banging a wooden spoon loudly. He prayed Gabriel would answer. He was the closest to Dean’s house.

  
“I need your help.”

  
“Well, hello to you too, Brother O’Mine.”

  
“I’m watching Dean’s…child.”

  
“Watching her do what?”

  
“No, watching like…babysitting.”

  
“Seriously? Where’s Winchester? I thought Balthazar said you two had a date tonight.”

  
“We did. He was called out in an emergency.”

  
“And he just left you to watch his kid. He’s got a big set of nuts…”

  
“I volunteered…Kali, don’t put the sponge into your mouth…”

  
Castiel heard a snort of laughter. “You volunteered…have you ever even been around a kid?”

  
“I was a kid.” As soon as the words were out, Castiel realized how incredibly stupid they sounded. By his brother’s uncontrollable laughter, Gabriel thought so too.

  
“Alright, well, I’ll leave you to it then…”

  
“No…wait…Kali…if I give you ice cream, will you let me wash your hair?”

  
“Ice Ceem.” Her grin was infectious. Castiel found himself smiling at her.

  
“Gabriel, bring me ice cream.”

  
“You got yourself in this mess…”

  
“Damn it, Gabriel, bring me ice cream or I swear to God you will pay.” Castiel knew he probably sounded like a mad man.

  
“Yeah, sure thing. Give me fifteen…”

  
“Thank you.” Castiel hung up.

  
“Okay, Kali…let’s play a game.”

  
When Gabriel rang the doorbell, Kali, still shirtless and crusted in food was sitting on the floor while Castiel entertained her by making every stuffed animal he found in her room talk in creepy little voices. He snatched the bag out of Gabriel’s hand and muttered a quick thank you before shutting the door in his face.

  
“Look, we have ice cream.” Castiel opened the bag and saw three pints. Three? There was vanilla, strawberry and chocolate. “Variety.”

  
“Ice Ceem.” Kali had gotten to her feet and was clamoring to climb his leg.

  
“We have to get our hair clean first. That was the deal.”

  
By the time her hair was somewhat clean, water was puddled on the floor, Castiel’s shirt was soaked and the bottle of baby shampoo had tipped over in the sink and more than half was down the drain.

  
He fixed a small bowl of ice cream and toddler or not, Castiel fed her spoonfuls at a time, so she stayed relatively clean. After that, he sat on the floor and built a castle out of Duplos, silently debating on buying a set of Legos for himself, because it was pretty cool. Kali pulled a electronic contraption from a basket of toys in the living room and Castiel figured out how to make it work. It was called a Leapfrog. It was like a mini-computer for kids. Castiel was amazed. Kali sat on his lap and they played a game with the device about identifying colors and shapes. She was yawning now and Castiel decided it was time to change into her pajamas.

  
Upstairs, he stood in the child’s room completely at a loss. He started with the small dresser. “Are these your pajamas?” He held up a little jumpsuit with feet.

  
“No.”

  
“What about these?” This was a matching short and top set with teddy bears dressed as doctors.

  
“No.”

  
“Where are your pajamas?”

  
“Hippo.” Huh?

  
“What about hippos?”

  
“Hippo.” Great, now the child was speaking in code. “Wait, do you pajamas have hippos on them?”

  
She clapped her hands and nodded. Castiel opened every drawer, but found nothing with hippos. He checked the hamper in the bathroom. Nothing resembling hippos in there either. He was about to have a meltdown when he walked back to Kali’s room and saw a laundry basket of clothes on Dean’s bed. He came close to shouting hallelujah. He snatched up the pajamas and a giggling Kali jumped up and down on her father’s bed. Her father’s bed…Castiel stared, pajamas forgotten in his hand. He was in Dean’s bedroom. It was very masculine, dark wood, gray and black comforter. He wondered what he would find in Dean’s nightstand. So, sue him. He was only human, after all. Kali nixed that idea though.

  
He had the pajamas, now all that was left was getting her in the pajamas. She ran back to her room and Castiel ran after her. A minute ago, she was yawning, now it was like someone flipped a switch.

  
“Pullups.”

  
“Excuse me?” What was the kid saying? Before he could question her further, she took off her shorts and panties. God, she was naked. He snatched a blanket off the end of her bed and tried to wrap her in it, but that wasn’t happening. “Kali, please…uhm…do you…crap.” He saw a large box on the top shelf of her closet. Diapers. Did she use diapers at night?

  
He opened the box and pulled one out. If he could rewire a boat motor, surely he could figure out diapers.

  
“No…not baby,” Kali said, staying just out of his reach.

  
“No, you’re not a baby. You’re a toddler.” He feigned left, but moved right and captured her in the blanket. She seemed to like the game. He laid her down on her bed and got on his knees. Closing his eyes, he moved the blanket and tried to put the diaper on by feel alone. Once she was cover, he opened his eyes. How convenient, no pins were needed. They had built in tape. Only the tape stuck to Castiel’s thumb and when he jerked away, the tape stayed attached to his skin and not the diaper. He knew one tape would not be sufficient, so he wrapped her like a burrito and ran to get another diaper before she could figure out how to get free. This attempt was worse than the first one. The pile of failed attempts was getting bigger. “Kali, I need you to calm down a bit. Please.”

  
Kali seemed to find him amusing if her laughter was anything to go by. She wiggled around like an eel. His lessons in modesty went out the window. The child was buck naked and bouncing on her bed. He picked her up and tucked her under his arm like a football and ran downstairs. He knew Dean would have duct tape…every man had duct tape. He found it in the third place he looked. Taking the roll and the naked child, he raced back upstairs.

  
“Funny man.”

  
“Yeah, I’m a real riot,” Castiel muttered. He got her down on the bed again, put the least destroyed diaper around her and wrapped her in duct table. He admired his ingenuity.

  
Wrestling a giggling child into a pair of pajamas was probably similar to catching a greased pig. Castiel had never done that, but he’d heard of it. After this, Castiel felt like he could enter the event at any country fair and win. A greased pig had nothing on this kid.

  
Once more, he tucked her under his arm and picked up the discarded diapers. She was still chattering like a magpie and Castiel found himself talking nonsense right back to her.

  
He put the diapers in the trash and though about covering them up so Dean wouldn’t see his failures, but Kali made a whimpering sound and he froze. He brought her up so she was tucked against his chest. “What’s the matter?”

  
“Seepy.”

  
Seepy? Oh, sleepy. “Come on, let’s go to bed.” Up the stairs he went …how many times was that? He wouldn’t need to run anytime soon. He put in on her bed and she clung to him and wailed. The sound was so sorrowful that Castiel that something was terribly wrong with the child. “Shhhh, it’s okay, Kali. I’m here.”

  
Once again, she was tucked up to his chest and he began to sing.

  
**_Believe it or not, I'm walking on air_**  
 ** _I never thought I could feel so free_**  
 ** _Flying away on a wing and a prayer_**  
 ** _Who could it be?_**  
 ** _Believe it or not, it's just me_**

  
She was looking up at him like he hung the moon. He stared into those green eyes, so much like her father’s and he felt his heart swell.

  
He didn’t know the rest of the song, so he repeated that verse over and over as he walked with her. Finally, her eyes grew heavy and he grew tired, so he sat down in Dean’s recliner. She yawned and her tiny fists gripped his shirt. They fell asleep.

  
When he awoke the next morning, Kali was gone and a blanket was over him. Dean must be home. Since the sun was up, it must be morning. He needed copious amounts of caffeine. He shuffled into the kitchen and saw the coffeemaker. He almost made grabby hands, but that would have been silly. He was punch drunk. He took the carafe and got water from the tap. After pulling the appliance towards him and searching for several seconds, he growled. Where in the fuck did you put the water in?

  
Castiel heard bare feet on the tile floor. He turned and glared at Dean. “Make it work.”

  
Dean just grinned at him. “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist.” Castiel hoped his face showed Dean just how displeased he was. It just made Dean chuckle, but at least he started gathering the stuff to make coffee.

  
“Time you get in?” Castiel mumbled.

  
“Two.”

  
“Rescue go okay?”

  
“He was alive when we found him. The Captain is supposed to let me know when he finds out his condition.”

  
Castiel watched the coffee drip, ready to pounce on it. “Can’t this thing go any faster?”

  
“What time did you go to sleep last night? Did Kali give you a hard time? Thanks for watching her, by the way. That meant a lot to me.” Castiel turned from the black gold filling the glass pot and furrowed his eyes. Dean was talking a mile a minute…like he was nervous about something.

  
“She has a lot of energy.”

  
Dean laughed. “Is that your way of saying she’s demon spawn?”

  
Castiel tilted his head. “No. She’s really sweet, Dean.” And he meant it. They had a few moments, but all in all, Kali was a sweet child. Not that he had any others to compare her too.

  
“Sweet? Are you talking about Kali Winchester or some other kid?”

  
“We had a few issues, but we worked them out satisfactorily.”

  
It was Dean’s turn to tilt his head. “Huh?”

  
“I didn’t want to give her a bath because she’s a little girl and I’m not her father, but the sauce from the potatoes was turning crusty. I decided to put her on the kitchen counter and use the dish sprayer to wash it out of her hair. She was not pleased, so I bribed her with ice cream.”

  
“Ice cream? I don’t have any ice cream.”

  
“You do now.” Castiel opened Dean’s freezer and three pints of ice cream, chocolate, vanilla and strawberry, were sitting on the shelf. “I made an emergency call to Gabe. He delivers.”

  
“Kali gets wound up on sugar, Cas.”

  
“I found that out when I tried to get her into her pajamas. I tried to let her put them on by herself so I would not see her naked. She insisted on something called ‘pull ups’.”

  
Dean leaned against the counter, appearing fascinated by Castiel’s adventure with his daughter. “I thought she meant diapers and I found some in her closet. When I left the room for her to change, she ripped several apart. I hated to waste them, so I found some tape in your kitchen drawer. She liked the silver color and I told her it was magic tape.” Dean was nodding sagely, but Castiel knew he was biting back laughter. He wanted to do something immature, like kick him in his shins.

  
“The pajama dilemma was difficult, but we muddled through.”

  
“The pajama dilemma?” Dean turned and began fixing their mugs.

  
“Apparently, the hippo pajamas are very important to her.”

  
Dean burst out laughing and Castiel gave him another evil look. “I came close to tearing your house apart looking for them, Dean. It’s not funny.”

  
“Sorry,” Dean choked out the word between fits of laughter. “You really don’t know how much I appreciate you watching her for me.”

  
The coffee was finally ready and Castiel added his usual buttload of sugar and milk to his coffee. “Christ, Cas, you want coffee with your sugar and milk?”

  
Castiel gave Dean another scathing look. Dean grinned. Castiel was not a morning person. There was a thin line between love and hate and at that moment in time, he hated Dean Winchester and his adorable smile…and his cute face…

  
They both drank their coffee in silence. Castiel finished first and rinsed out his mug. “I’ve got to get down to the boat.”

  
“Yeah, guess so.” Dean sounded disappointed. The doorbell rang before Castiel could wonder why.

  
“Crap. I forgot to call Missouri and tell her I was off today.”

  
“You’ve got the day off?” Castiel asked, following Dean to the door.

  
“Uh huh. Captain gave the whole crew some R  & R since we were out most of the night.”

  
“Come out on the boat with me then.” Dean froze with his hand on the doorknob. Castiel blinked. He couldn’t believe he’d just asked Dean to spend the day with him on his boat. “I mean…if you aren’t too tired and…and…”

  
“Are you sure you want me along? I haven’t worked a fishing boat in a long time.”

  
“I won’t work you too hard.” Castiel’s smile was feral.

  
Dean opened the door. “Sure took you long enough. Why aren’t you dressed yet? Oh…hello.” Missouri seemed to take in Castiel’s rumpled look and Dean’s sleep pants and ratty t-shirt. She smiled. It was a scary smile…like someone plotting to take over the world…yeah, that type of smile.

  
“Good morning, Ms. Moseley,” Castiel said politely. He knew the woman vaguely, she hadn’t been in town all that long. He’d heard the rumors that she could see the future. Castiel wasn’t sure if he believed stuff like that.

  
“It’s Missouri.” She looked from Castiel to Dean and back again.

  
“Missouri, I’m going to be working on Cas’ boat today. We’ll be back before nightfall. If you can’t stay, I’ll get Mom to come get her.”

  
“I can stay. You boys go have fun.”

  
Dean turned to Castiel. “Let me get dressed and I’ll meet you at the boat.”

  
“Alright.” Castiel nodded again to Missouri and left. He kept a change of clothes and spare boots on the Angel II and since he’d be on the boat all day, a shower was not in the cards. Ash was already on board and prepping the bait. The rest of his crew showed up and Castiel turned the key to get the engine warmed up. Dean should be there soon.

  
From the wheelhouse, Castiel saw Dean jump on board and heard Ash talking to him. He couldn’t quite here what was being said though. Ash threw off the lines and Dean began making his way towards the helm. The radio squawked and Castiel picked it up. Luc informed him of a hot spot.

  
“Yes. I’ve got the coordinates. We’ll hit there first and check it out. Ten-four. Angel II out.” He sat the radio down.

  
“Where are we heading?” Dean shoulder was resting on the hatchway.

  
“I’m heading for the Cascadia Seachannel. Gabe and Luc had some great luck yesterday.” The seachannel was ten miles offshore. Castiel stayed at the helm while Dean explored the boat and helped the crew prepare the rigging.

  
As they neared the area, Dean, Ash and the other mates got the bait ready and began rigging the lines. By noon, they had several hundred pounds of tuna. Castiel stopped the engines and the crew ate lunch on the bow. Dean seemed to get along with Castiel’s crew. Before long, they were all laughing and joking around. Every once in a while, Castiel’s eyes would meet Dean’s. Castiel made sure he was the first to look away.

  
The were all on the deck hauling in lines and rebaiting when Dean’s lack of sleep caught up with him. He was baiting a line when one of the large hooks caught the skin between his thumb and forefinger. It ripped a jagged laceration. Dean cursed and grabbed at the wound with his dirty, bait covered hand. Castiel yanked his hand away. “Get inside and let’s get it cleaned.”

  
Castiel pulled the large first aid box from under the captain’s chair and opened it up. He poured hydrogen peroxide over Dean’s hand. “Motherfucker,” Dean screamed and tried to jerk his hand away. Castiel held it firm.

  
“Be still.” Once the foaming stopped, Castiel put antiseptic on the nasty wound and wrapped it in gauze. “Why don’t you take a nap?”

  
“I’m fine, Cas.”

  
“You’re dead on your feet. I shouldn’t have asked you to come.”

  
“Why did you?” Dean snapped.

  
Castiel looked at Dean for a few seconds and then shifted his eyes away. “I wanted to spend time with you,” he said quietly.

  
Dean looked sorry that he’d snapped. Castiel blamed it on his lack of sleep. “Wake me in fifteen.” Dean stepped below decks to where the bunks were. Castiel and his crew worked steadily for the next two hours. He refused to wake Dean.

  
The sun was sinking on the horizon and Castiel turned the Angel II towards home. He was getting ready to call Ash to wake Dean when he appeared. “I said fifteen minutes, Cas.”

  
Castiel turned from the front window and shrugged. “You needed the rest.”

  
Dean made a face but didn’t say anything. He came to stand by Castiel. Castiel changed their heading and a large swell caught them, rocking the boat sideways. Dean’s body bumped against Castiel’s and he righted himself quickly. Dean was so close, Castiel could smell a hint of aftershave. He was making him feel things he didn’t need to be feeling right now. Dean seemed to shift with the next swell and he was really in Castiel’s personal space. Castiel turned to say something, but Dean’s expression stopped him. Dean’s eyes were looking at Castiel’s lips. “Cas…I want…”

  
“Hey, Cap, just tallied the catch. I think we got over a thousand pounds today,” Ash said, stepping into the wheelhouse. Dean jumped back and Ash looked from Dean to Castiel. “Am I…uhm…interrupting something?”

  
“No.” Castiel’s voice was sharper than he intended and Dean brushed past Ash in his hurry to get away from him. “Take the wheel, Ash.”

  
“Aye, Captain.” Ash looked at him speculatively, but knew better than to ask questions. He found Dean aft, watching the waves kicked up by the motors.

  
“Who’s steering this tub?” Dean didn’t look at him.

  
“Ash.”

  
Dean nodded, his hands thrust deep in his pockets, shoulders hunched forward in a defensive posture.

  
“What were you going to say?” Castiel asked, just loud enough to be heard of the thrum of the engines.

  
“Huh?”

  
“What did you want?” Castiel knew Dean was avoiding the question.

  
“Nothing.”

  
“Do you remember that I said I wanted you to be honest and up front with me this time?”

  
Dean exhaled, huffing air out between clinched teeth. “Yeah.”

  
Castiel didn’t say anything, he just watched the gulls chasing the boat in search of scraps of bait or trash fish.

  
“I wanted to know if I could kiss you.” Dean eyes never left the water.

  
Castiel was shocked and kind of amused. Dean seemed timid. Definitely not the Dean he know back then.

  
“You were going to ask permission? You have changed.”

  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”

  
Castiel turned and met Dean’s eyes. “The Dean Winchester I used to know was impulsive. He took what he wanted…damn the consequences.”

  
“That Dean Winchester was an immature boy. I’d like to think I’ve grown up a little.”

  
The engines slowed and Dean looked over his shoulder. They were nearing the entrance to the harbor.

  
“Yes.” Did Dean really think Castiel could turn him down? Castiel watched the small Coast Guard boat coming up on their port side. He wasn’t a game player, what he planned was childish, but he had to know.

  
Dean looked at him quizzically. “Yes, what?”

  
“Yes, you can kiss me.”

  
“Oh…” He hesitated for an instant, and then leaned forward, closed his eyes and let his lips touch Castiel’s. The kiss was chaste…tentative…almost innocent.

  
The whoops from the small boat startled Dean and he pulled away, spinning to see what was going on. Benny was laughing and the other two crew members were grinning. Dean’s head whipped back around. “You did that on purpose.”

  
“I needed to see if you were telling the truth about dating…being seen in public. I had to know, Dean.” He felt ashamed for treating Dean like that. It was wrong. He expected Dean’s anger.

  
Dean did look angry, but it only seemed to last a moment. Then he cupped the back of Castiel’s neck and pulled him against his chest. This kiss was anything but innocent. Dean forced Castiel’s mouth open with his tongue. His hand dug into Castiel’s hair, gripping it…pulling his head back, so his mouth was under Dean’s. Castiel was too shocked to kiss back, he didn’t fight Dean though, he just stood there wondering what in the hell to do next.

  
Benny blew the airhorn and then the PS sped away. Suddenly, Dean was no longer holding him. His eyes met Dean’s and Dean’s words thrilled him. “I’m not apologizing for that.”

  
“Now, that’s the Dean I knew and lo…” Castiel stopped midsentence. He almost said love, that would have been the end. Dean might want to date, maybe even more, but Castiel didn’t think love was in the cards. “I need to get to the wheelhouse. Ash isn’t good at docking her.” He turned and almost ran away from Dean.

  
Castiel took the boat into her berth and a large refrigerator truck was waiting. Dean help the crew unload the large crates of fish. He’d insisted even though Castiel told him not to because he was afraid it would hurt his hand. He made him wear gloves. Dean had complained, but Castiel wasn’t taking no for an answer.

  
When the boat was unloaded, Dean helped spray off the deck and put all the tackle and supplies away. One by one, the crew left until it was just Ash, Dean and Castiel. Castiel got his things out of the wheelhouse. He heard Ash say, “Don’t be a stranger, Dude.” He couldn’t hear Dean’s response. When he locked up, Ash and Dean were finishing whatever conversation they were having.

  
“It’s quitting time,” he told them.

  
Ash jumped down to the dock and gave them a cocky wave. “See you tomorrow, Cap.”

  
“Night, Ash,” Castiel called out.

  
“See you around.” Dean waved to Ash. To Castiel he said, “I guess I should get home.”

  
“It is getting late,” Castiel said with a small shrug.

  
They stood awkwardly on the dock staring at each other. The chugging sound of a boat motor caused them both to look away. Gabe’s boat was backing into the slip next to the Angel II.

  
“I guess I’ll see you around,” Dean shuffled down the dock. Castiel could have kicked himself. Why hadn’t he told Dean he wanted to see him again…soon.


	7. An Ocean of Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean become closer. A date leads to sex.

**Wednesday**

  
Castiel fell into his routine again. Up at dawn, boat out to sea by seven, a hard day hauling in fish and then back to the docks by dusk. He loved his life. The sea was in his blood and she’d been very good to him and his brothers. They had one of the most profitable fishing fleets in the state, if not the Pacific Northwest.

  
He stood at the helm as the Angel II entered the harbor. His phone began to ping with various notifications. As he steered her into the mouth of the river, he checked his texts. There was one from Dean asking him to meet him at The Roadhouse. He hadn’t heard from Dean since Monday after they’d parted somewhat awkwardly. That hadn’t stopped him from thinking about the man…or fantasizing about him in his bed at night.

  
He supervised the unloading of the catch. It was already after six, so Castiel decided to skip the shower. Since he really hadn’t handled any of the fish today, he didn’t smell like fish. As he got inside his SUV, he sent Dean a text telling him he was one his way. He stopped by the office to drop off his paperwork and locked up when he left.

  
The Roadhouse was busy with the dinner crowd and Castiel looked around quickly. He spotted Dean and made his way over.

  
“Nice hat,” Dean said with a smirk. Castiel touched the brim trying to remember which one he wore today. He remembered and felt his cheeks heat. This one had a rooster on it. He’d stolen it from Gabriel a few months back.

  
“Thanks.”

  
“Cas!” Castiel turned at Kali’s shout. She was running across the room. She launched herself at Castiel, wrapping her arms around his knees. Castiel was still terrified of the little girl. Well, no so much her as doing something wrong. What if he dropped her or touched her in a way someone might find inappropriate. There were always things on the news about people being accused of stuff like that. Gay men were given a bad reputation as being pedophiles, when if fact, it was most straight men with a fucked up head that molested children. But he was still paranoid about it. He leaned down and patted her head. “Up!” She demanded.

  
He picked her up awkwardly. Dean grinned. “You’ve got a fan.”

  
“I’m not sure why. I don’t know anything about children.” He sat down and sat Kali down on the table and then he pulled her off, looking around quickly. Was that inappropriate? Was he allowed to do that?

  
“The baby police aren’t going to arrest you for putting her butt on the table, Cas.”

  
Castiel felt his skin heat again. “There is no such thing.” But he did look around again, just to make sure no one was looking at him.

  
“You have a good day?” Dean asked.

  
“Thirteen hundred pounds.”

  
“Nice haul,” Dean said and then nodded towards the high chair. “You can park her butt in there.”

  
Castiel stood and lowered Kali into the wooden seat. “No…no…want Cas.”

  
“She wants me,” Castiel said softly. How at this small human crawled into his heart.

  
“She can get in line after her daddy,” Dean teased and Castiel knew his face was red then.

  
Dean stood up and reached for Kali. She whined, her lips pooched out in a pout. “Cas…Cas…”

  
“You’ve got to sit down and eat. Cas is right next to you.” Her lips were still poked out but she sat down without anymore outbursts.

  
Ellen brought them a pitcher of beer and took their orders. When she retreated to the kitchen, Castiel raised his eyes to Dean’s. “Did you get any fallout because of the kiss?”

  
“No. I told my C.O. this morning that I was dating a man. He didn’t have a problem with it. He thinks you and your brothers are stand up guys.”

  
“You just came out and said we were dating to him?” Castiel couldn’t believe Dean would do that. He knew the military had repealed the rules on homosexuality, but still, he was surprised Dean came right out and told his commanding officer. Maybe there was hope for them.

  
“Well…yeah. I’d rather it come from me than he hear it as gossip.”

  
“Oh…” Castiel looked down at his hands again. Did Dean think he was forced to tell because of the kiss?

  
“Cas, we are dating, aren’t we?”

  
Castiel’s mind raced and he didn’t speak for a long time. Dean seemed sincere, with both actions and words.

  
“Is this what you really want, Dean?” Castiel whispered.

  
“It is. I want to get to know you again, Cas. I want you to get to know me. We had something once and I made mistakes…lots of mistakes…but now, I just want to prove to you that I’m worth it again.”

  
Castiel didn’t speak, sensing Dean wasn’t finished. Dean continued, “I’m scared shitless, Cas. I’ve got a baby to think about now. She already likes you. If we’re going to make a go out of this, it means you’ll be a part of her life. I don’t even know if you wanted kids… shit, we never talked about that when we were together…back then. I guess that’s one of the things we need to talk about…before…before we go any further.”

  
Castiel’s mind was racing. Dean was serious. Really serious. He felt elated, but terrified at the same time. Was he ready for fatherhood? Okay, that was jumping the gun, being a part of Kali’s life didn’t mean marriage. Dean hadn’t mentioned that, but if he had…what did that mean for Castiel? He swallowed and then began to speak. “Will wanted kids. I told him I wasn’t interested.” He didn’t want to talk about Will, but in this case, he had to make a point. “But…” He looked at Kali. “…I can see myself…with a little practice…being a dad.”

  
“Well, that’s one hurtle, we’ve crossed. What’s next?” Dean looked relieved at Castiel’s words.

  
“Next?” Castiel’s head tilted in confusion.

  
“Yeah, Cas, what other things we got dangling over our heads?”

  
“I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking.”

  
“What about Will?”

  
“Will? What about Will?”

  
“Well, do you have feelings for him?” Dean looked like he was afraid of Castiel’s answer. Of course he had feelings for Will. They were together for eleven and a half months, they’d shared a bed…Castiel cared…he hurt the man deeply…and he cared. Was Dean really asking if Castiel still loved Will? Did he ever love Will? Maybe…but he wasn’t in love with Will…there was a big difference. He knew he never loved Will the way he should have…he wasn’t capable of that.

  
“Feelings?”

  
Why are you repeating everything I say?” Dean sounded irritable.

  
“I’m just confused why you are bringing up my ex.”

  
“You brought him up when we were talking about kids…I’m just curious. That’s all.” Dean was right. He had brought up Will, but it was only…only what? Whatever it was, it made Dean insecure.

  
“Will treated me very well. I couldn’t give him what he needed and he left. I do care about him, Dean, but I don’t love him, if that’s what you are asking.”

  
“Good…I mean, not good that he left you and…shit… Look, I’m just…glad…he’s not in the picture anymore. He isn’t in the picture anymore, is he?” Dean was jealous. Dean was really jealous. Castiel was inwardly pleased, even though he shouldn’t be.  
“You have no reason to be jealous,” Cas replied.

  
“Jealous? I’m not jealous.” Castiel’s amusement showed on his face and Dean shut his mouth abruptly.

  
Ellen appearing with their food. She sat down their plates and Castiel watched as Dean fed Kali off of his plate. She wound up wearing more food than she got into her mouth. Castiel watched the child eat. When did children learn how to eat without wearing their food?

  
“I can see she gets her table manners from her father,” Castiel said with an innocent smile.

  
“Bite me.”

  
“Maybe when I get to know you a little better,” Castiel fired back with an arch of his eyebrow. “I seem to recall that you liked being bitten.” Dean used to love Castiel to bite his nipples when he was right on the cusp of orgasm. It was enough to throw him over the edge.

  
Dean opened his mouth, but closed it again. Dean was blushing, actually blushing and Castiel knew he was remembering it as well.

  
Castiel walked Dean to his car and watched as he buckled Kali in her carseat. When Dean stood up again, Castiel was close enough to feel the heat of Dean’s body. “Now that we don’t have an audience, I’d like to try kissing you again.”

  
Dean smile was bright in the dim light and he moved even closer. Their bodies were mere inches apart. He reached for Castiel’s waist and threaded his fingers through his belt loops. With a small tug, Castiel was flush against him. Dean’s lips hovered above his. “I want this, Cas,” he whispered. Castiel closed his eyes, tilted his head just so and then Dean’s lips were on his. A gentle kiss, barely there, but enough to send sparks of electricity through Castiel’s veins. Castiel slid his tongue along Dean’s bottom lip, wanting more, wanting to taste. Dean opened for him, letting Castiel’s tongue inside. Castiel swept over Dean’s tongue…his teeth…his palate. It felt like coming home. His hands skimmed over Dean’s sides, around to his back. He wanted to touch Dean everywhere. Memories of smooth, hot skin flush against his had him hard and needy.

  
When they came up for air, Castiel smiled. “Friday night. Dinner at my place?”

  
“Yes.”

  
It took everything Castiel had to back away. Everything he had to turn and walk away. Staying would mean falling into bed with the man…or perhaps the back of Dean’s Jeep. As he pulled out of the parking lot, his hand moved down to rub his cock. Dean could excite him like Will never could.

  
Castiel couldn’t even wait to get onto the houseboat. He put the seat back and unzipped his jeans. He pulled out his straining cock with a sigh of relief. He spit into his hand and began to stroke himself. He was rough and fast, his fist tight…tight like he imagined Dean’s hole…he’d never experienced it, but God, how he wanted to. When he came, he rested his forehead on the steering wheel, his breathing ragged and harsh in the quiet vehicle. He wiped his hand on his jeans and without bothering to zip up, got out and climbed aboard his home.

  
**Thursday**

  
There was a rough chop and Castiel was proud of the way the Angel II handled. When it was like this, their catch was usually smaller, but something was better than nothing. As the afternoon wore on, Castiel signaled to Ash to bring up the rigging. The waves were now cresting at six feet and it would be a bumpy ride home. The crew had everything up and tied down within fifteen minutes and Castiel turned the big boat towards home.

  
After they unloaded their smaller than normal catch, Castiel went into the office. His brothers had gotten the same idea. All but Balthazar were sitting around. The wind caught the door and pulled it from Castiel’s hand. It banged against the side of the building and Castiel winced. “Sorry, damn, it’s windy today. How’d you guys do?”

  
The brothers discussed their weights and Luc told them about the new negotiations with the packing plant. The price of tuna was up again and Luc was going to make sure they got their cut.

  
“Heard you had a bit of a babysitting disaster the other night,” Michael said with a smirk. Luc covered his mouth but not before Castiel saw his grin.

  
Castiel glared at Gabriel. “Big mouth.”

  
Gabriel shrugged. “What can I say, you looked cute with a baby.”

  
That sobered Luc and he met Castiel’s eyes. “You ready for that, Castiel…to be a father?”

  
Castiel sat on the edge of the desk and shrugged. “I really don’t know. Dean says he wants me to be a part of her life, but it scares me. We didn’t have the best examples of parents. What if I fuck it up?”

  
“You aren’t going to fuck it up,” Michael said with a wave of his hand. “From what I’ve seen, Dean is a good father to that little girl. He’ll teach you.”

  
It took awhile, but his brothers were being supportive of his decision to try again with Dean. He was blessed to have them.

  
Balthazar opened the door and the wind blew Castiel’s paperwork off the desk. He helped Castiel pick them up. “Having a company meeting without me?”

  
“No, just discussing our baby brother’s impending fatherhood,” Luc said with a grin.

  
The look on Balthazar’s face was priceless and Castiel laughed along with his other brothers. “What the fuck? You having a kid?”

  
“No, Zar…” Castiel used the nickname from his childhood “…They were talking about Dean’s little girl.”

  
“Oh, yeah, well, you better get used to having a kid around, since he seems determined to court you.”

  
“No one uses the term ‘court’ anymore,” Gabriel said. “They’re dating…and probably doing the nasty.”

  
“We are not…” There was no way Castiel would use Gabriel’s terminology. “We are not ‘doing’ anything.”

  
“Yet,” Michael chimed in. “At least we know they’ve kissed.”

  
“Fuck, the entire fleet knows they’ve kissed. Ash couldn’t wait to tell everyone how you kissed him in the middle of the freakin’ harbor,” Luc said.

  
“Heard it was like a scene from Titanic,” Gabriel crowed.

  
Balthazar groaned. “Worst fucking movie ever made.”

  
Castiel left, shutting the door on his brothers’ good natured teasing. He drove home and fixed himself an early dinner. He ate his sandwich in front of the TV. The Discovery Channel was having a marathon of Yukon Men. At eight, his phone rang.

  
“Hello, Dean.”

  
“Hey, Cas. How did the Angel II do in her first bad weather?”

  
They talked until close to midnight. Topics ranged from seafood prices to television shows they both watched. Nothing was said about dating, their past or their future. When they hung up, Castiel was wearing a smile.

  
**Friday**

  
For the second day in a row, Castiel brought the boat in early. It wasn’t the weather, it was because he had a date. Ash and the crew teased him unmercifully, but he took it in stride.

  
He stopped at the grocery store to pick up the items he needed. He had most of the stuff from his last big shopping trip in Eugene. They had an Indian market there that was amazing. He hoped Dean liked curry.

  
He unloaded the groceries and got out the things he would need. Then he looked around the living room. Everything looked clean and tidy. Since it was still early, he changed the sheets on the bed…because you never know… His phone interrupted his thoughts of Dean in his bed.

  
“Hello, Dean.”

  
“Hey, Cas. Look, I can’t find a sitter for Kali, so I’m going to have to bail on dinner.” Castiel’s face fell. Dean was cancelling. Only he sounded just as bad about it as Castiel felt. He took a chance.

  
“I could always pack up the groceries and come to your house to cook, Dean. I’d have you bring her here, but the houseboat isn’t really set up for a child.”

  
“That’ll be great, Cas. See you in a few.” Dean even sounded excited. Castiel began making a mental list of stuff he would need to bring and piled it on the counter. It took him a while to get everything together. He showered, but didn’t bother to shave.

  
Thirty minutes later, Castiel rang Dean’s doorbell. Kali squealed when Dean opened the door. He had his arms full of groceries so he couldn’t pick her up and her pout broke Castiel’s heart. Dean helped him take his groceries out of the bags. “What are you going to make?”

  
“I was going to make a mango chicken curry with basmati rice and naan.” He looked at Kali and frowned. The curry was spicy. He might have to rethink his meal plans. “Does she eat people food?”

  
Dean’s smirk made him feel foolish. “No, Cas, she eats dog food. Duh! Of course, she eats people food. What else would she eat?”

  
“Baby food?”

  
Dean laughed. “She hasn’t eaten baby food in over a year.”

  
“Oh, well, I can make the curry mild.” He nodded, the decision made. He looked around Dean’s kitchen. Kali clung to his leg and after a moment, he picked her up without a second thought. He listed all the things he would need and Dean quickly sat all the pans and other things on the counter. Every time Castiel tried to set Kali down, her lips formed a tiny pout and Cas hugged her closer. That pout would be his undoing.

  
“You know you don’t have to hold her. She’ll whine a bit, but she’ll be fine,” Dean told him.

  
“I just can’t stand to see her sad face,” Castiel said honestly. He was trying to cut the chicken breasts up with one hand and he only succeeded in mangling them into strangely misshapen pieces. Dean brushed him aside and soon, Dean was the one cooking while following Castiel’s instructions. Castiel jumped up onto the counter and arranged Kali in his lap. She would occasionally pat him and giggling at the roughness of his unshaven face.

  
With the meal finished, they sat down to eat. He was delighted that Kali ate everything Dean sat in front of her. She did have a streak of the yellowish-orange curry sauce in her hair, but compared to the other night, she was almost clean.

  
Once the meal was over, Dean excused himself to bathe Kali. “Just find something on TV and I’ll be back down in a few.”

  
Castiel walked into the living room and picked up the remote, but he heard Kali giggling upstairs and Dean’s muffled baritone. Curiosity got the better of him and he went up the stairs. He stood in the doorway of the bathroom . Dean lowered Kali into the tub and he must have seen Castiel out of the corner of his eye because he said, “Bath time is a full contact sport. Don’t get too close or you’ll get soaked.”

  
Kali waved at Castiel and then splashed her hands in the water. Dean washed her and soothed her when the shampoo dripped in her eyes. Castiel couldn’t believe how Dean was with her. He was such an amazing father and if he wasn’t already in love with the man, he would have fallen hard then. Dean lifted Kali out of the water and wrapped her in a towel. He looked at Castiel and said, “What?”

  
“I just never imagined…not in my wildest dreams…that you would be such a great father.”

  
Dean blushed. “Hey, I’m definitely not father of the year material. I’m just winging it.”

  
“Don’t sell yourself short, Dean. Had I been in your shoes, I would have failed miserably.”

  
“Nah, babies are pretty good about letting you know what they need. You’d do fine. Look, you’ve already made her fall in love with you.” Kali was waving her arms and trying to go to him. Dean led the way into Kali’s room.

  
When Dean kissed her, Castiel felt his eyes burning with unshed tears. This Dean was the same, yet not the same as the man he’d loved all those years ago. This Dean was wiser…a man, not a boy. Dean laid her down on her bed. “Come on, Punkin. Let’s get your jammies on.”

  
“Hippo,” Kali yelled.

  
“No. Hippos are dirty. Tonight, it’s Batman.” Dean grabbed what looked like a diaper out of a blue box in the bottom of Kali’s closet. Castiel hadn’t seen it the other night. On the box, clear as day, were the words ‘Pull Ups’. Dean took pajamas out of the drawer.

  
“Batman? She’s a girl, Dean.”

  
“I don’t believe in gender specific labels, Cas. If she wants to play with cars and GI Joes, I’m going to let her. GI Joe is a lot more macho than Ken anyway. How Barbie likes him is beyond me. I think Ken is gay.”

  
“Ken really doesn’t have a gender.”

  
“You looked at Ken naked? What a pervert.” Dean smirked.

  
“No, I’ve never looked at a Ken doll. I’ve just heard he is genderless.”

  
Dean finished snapping the pajama bottoms and sat Kali on the edge of her bed. He rummaged in her toy box and tossed a Ken to Castiel. Castiel fumbled the catch, but looked at it distastefully. “Why are you giving me this? And why is he naked?”

  
“Kali likes her Barbies naked. Every time I dress them, she takes the stuff off. Who knows why?”

  
Castiel examined Ken, eyebrows furrowed together in a tight frown. “I don’t understand why they made him without a penis.”

  
Dean chuckled. “Seriously? You want little girls to be looking at penises at two or three years old? Then they start asking questions and pretty soon, you’re explaining to your little girl where babies come from. Kali isn’t going to learn that stuff until she’s…eighteen or so.”

  
Castiel tossed the doll back into the toy box. Dean knelt on the floor and held out his arms. “Come on, Princess. Come to Daddy.”

  
Kali shook her head and held out her arms. “Up.”

  
“Kali, be a big girl and get off your bed.”

  
“Up.”

  
Dean huffed and reached for her. “Why don’t you want to pick her up?” Castiel asked.

  
“She needs to learn how to get off the bed. It’s only ten inches from the floor, but she’s just terrified for some reason.”

  
Castiel gently pushed Dean aside. “Kali, get off the bed and come see me.”

  
The toddler looked at him and then at her father. “Down.”

  
“Yes. Get down and come here.” He held out his hands. She hesitated and then looked down at the carpeted floor. Slowly, she rolled over on her tummy and scooped backwards until her feet touched the floor. She turned around and gave Castiel a shy smile.  
“Down.”

  
“Good girl.” Castiel said, grinning broadly. She ran to him and he scooped her up and twirled her around. For once, not worrying about dropping her or holding her too tight. He felt Dean’s joy and wanted to be a part of it. Dean was smiling softly and patting his little girl on her back.

  
“Good job, Princess.”

  
He watched Dean settle her into bed after she’d brushed her teeth and went potty. He read Where the Wild Things Are to her in his deep baritone, while Castiel sat at the end of her bed listening. Her eyes drifted shut and Dean closed the book.

  
Downstairs, Dean asked Castiel if he wanted to watch a movie and Cas shook his head. He went over to Dean’s CD collection and looked through them until he was satisfied with his selection. He was surprised that Dean had their song. He slid the CD into the player and adjusted the volume.

  
The music started. Tim McGraw’s voice began to sing My Best Friend. If Castiel had to pick any song in the world to be their song, it would have been this one. Castiel looked at Dean and held out his hand. Dean took it. They moved close together and swayed to the music. Dean’s hands rested on Castiel’s hips and Castiel’s hands were a bit higher on Dean’s waist.

  
It was a shame they’d never danced together. The song ended, but they continued to shuffle slowly in a circle. Castiel’s hands roamed under the hem of Dean’s shirt. He felt the heat of Dean’s skin. All those years wasted. Neither seemed to want to stop swaying against each other. Castiel wanted Dean. There was no reason to wait…no reason to prolong a traditional dating period. He kissed Dean, it wasn’t a simple kiss…he put all his want, his need…behind the kiss. Dean responded. He kissed back with just as much passion…

  
Castiel moved his hand downwards and let his fingertips skim over Dean’s erection. Dean inhaled sharply. “Cas…”

  
Castiel hummed and ran his lips along Dean’s jaw. Dean tilted his head back and his eyes closed. Castiel let his tongue lick hot, wet trails along Dean’s neck. “Never stopped wanting you…” Castiel whispered against Dean’s skin.

  
Dean opened his eyes and caught Castiel’s face in his hands, forcing him to stop his oral fixation on Dean’s skin. “I tried so hard to stop wanting you…to stop loving you…and maybe I believed it for awhile. But seeing you…when the Angel was going down…I started thinking of all the ‘what ifs’. What if I wouldn’t have ever left? What if I would have come home after Dad died? What if I would have asked you to come with me?”

  
“What ifs don’t matter anymore, Dean.” And Castiel knew he was speaking the truth. Nothing in their pasts mattered now. They could have a future together.

  
The next song on the CD ended and a new one began, Some Things Never Change. The melody was slow and easy and Dean’s head came to rest on Castiel’s shoulder.

  
“I should go,” Castiel said softly against Dean’s ear.

  
“You could stay,” Dean’s words were equally soft. “Nothing needs to happen…”

  
“If I stay, something will happen.” He wanted it to happen, but something told him Dean might need time. He didn’t want to push to fast.

  
“Then you should probably go,” Dean gave him a half smile and pulled away. Castiel looked at him for a long time. Dean’s eyes remained steady on his and he saw the want there. Mind made up, Castiel took Dean’s hand and led him to the stairs. Dean hesitated at the bottom. “Are you sure?”

  
“No.”

  
“Cas…”

  
“I’m not sure about anything anymore, Dean. I know I want you. I know I still…have feelings for you. I’m balanced on the edge, Dean.” Yes, he had feelings for Dean, deep feelings…once in a lifetime feelings, but he couldn’t share that with Dean…not now.  
“Damned if you do, damned if you don’t?” Dean words were meant to lighten the mood, but Castiel didn’t smile.

  
“Something like that.” He gave Dean’s hand a gentle tug and together they went upstairs. Dean stopped by Kali’s room and looked inside. “Will she be confused if I stay over?” Castiel asked, his voice low as to not wake the sleeping child.

  
“Maybe if she was older, I’d be hesitant, but at two, I don’t think she’ll care one way or another.”

  
When they got to Dean’s room, Dean shut the door behind them. He reached for Castiel and pulled him close. Castiel stood still as Dean carefully unbuttoned his shirt and spread his hands his bare chest. Castiel shrugged his shoulders and the garment fell to the floor. Dean rubbed his thumbs over Castiel’s nipples. It felt so good. They hardened at his touch. Castiel was trembling. He couldn’t help it. “Hey, you’re shaking. Is this too much?”

  
“Remember when we…our first time?”

  
“Yeah.” Dean dropped his hands to Castiel’s waist.

  
“I’d only been with one person before you.”

  
“Yeah.”

  
“I’ve only been with one person since you,” Castiel confessed. He understood that Dean had more experience now, was more worldly…and it made him apprehensive.

  
Dean’s eyes widened. “What? But…”

  
“Don’t make it into a big deal, Dean. I’m fine with it. I was the more experienced back then, now, you are.”

  
“Cas, I haven’t been with anyone else since before Kali was born.”

  
Casteil swallowed and gave Dean a nervous smile. “Does that make us born again virgins?”

  
Dean laughed. “Maybe so.”

  
The mood lightened and they kissed again. Castiel made a soft sound as the kiss deepened. Castiel’s fingers skimmed over Dean’s back, up and down, languid. When the got to the small of Dean’s back, he felt the downy hair growing there. He pushed both of his hands into the waistband of Dean’s jeans, feeling the swell of Dean’s ass. “You always did like my ass.”

  
“I liked everything about you,” Castiel said before taking Dean’s bottom lip between his teeth. Dean moaned and thrust his hips forward. Castiel felt Dean’s hard cock rub against his crotch and he gasped.

  
Castiel almost groaned in frustration when Dean’s hands stopped his exploration of Castiel’s ribs and hipbones. It was only to pull of his t-shirt, but it was too long. Dean tossed it to the floor next to Castiel’s own shirt. Castiel sighed when Dean’s hands returned to his skin. Dean was looking at him like he wanted to eat him alive and he knew that same look was in his eyes.

  
Castiel steered them towards the bed and they fell in a tangle of arms and denim clad legs. There was a bit of nervous laughter, but it was soon replaced with the sound of wet, sloppy kisses. Kisses born from hunger…finesse wasn’t needed. Neither cared if their lips fit perfectly or whose tongue was in whose mouth. Castiel wasn’t sure whose hands were whose; their bodies seemed to blend together.

  
The sound of their breathing was loud in the quiet of Dean’s room. The sound of Dean’s zipper was even louder, as Castiel pulled the tab down. Dean whimpered and when Castiel reached inside of Dean’s boxers and touched the velvety, smooth skin of Dean’s cock, Dean’s mouth opened a silent ‘o’.

  
Castiel rolled up on his knees, his fingers never leaving Dean’s dick. He stared down at Dean. The man looked completely and utterly wrecked. And they‘d only gotten as far as foreplay. He released Dean’s cock so he could tug off Dean’s jeans and boxers. He didn’t want anything between them. Dean lifted his ass to help it along. Castiel tossed them to the floor and his eyes raked over Dean’s body. No, Dean wasn’t the skinny kid he was back then. Dean’s body was that of a man in his prime. A soft stomach crying to be touched. His cock hard against his belly, nestled in a nest of dark curls.

  
“You are just as beautiful as you were the first time we made love.” Dean could still take his breath away.

  
Dean got to his knees and faced Castiel, his arms wrapping around Castiel’s back and pulling him in for another passionate kiss. Their mouths fought for dominance and Castiel surrendered when he felt Dean’s hands drop lower, cupping his ass.

  
Dean fumbled with the snap of Castiel’s jeans and growled in frustration when his hands couldn’t seem to get them undone. Castiel pushed him aside and undid both the snap and the zipper. Dean eagerly pushed Castiel’s jeans down. Dean’s hands touched the bare flesh of Castiel’s ass and Castiel groaned with need. His cock brushed against Dean’s and both men looked down at the same time. Dean’s cock was dark and wet with precum. Dean brought a fingertip to Castiel’s slit, taking the drops of arousal and bringing it to his mouth. Castiel made an inhuman sound in his throat that made Dean looked up. “Still taste so fuckin’ good, Babe.”

  
Dean’s words incensed Castiel. He pushed away from Dean and almost ripped off his jeans and boxers. Dean pushed him back on the bed and gazed at him. Slowly, with an air of sensuality, Dean moved his body over Castiel’s, his thighs against Castiel’s hips…chest against chest… mouth against mouth. Castiel’s cock slid between Dean’s thighs. He could feel Dean’s sac and Dean began to wantonly rub up and down the length of Castiel’s shaft.

  
“Need you inside me, Dean,” Castiel managed to get out, his voice husky with need. Dean blindly reached for the drawer of the nightstand and brought out a bottle of lube. He smeared it on his fingers and tossed the bottle aside. He moved down Castiel’s body until he was kneeling between Castiel’s parted thighs. Castiel bent his knees to give Dean access to his hole. Dean wasted no time in preparing Castiel. His slick fingers moved in and out and Castiel started fucking himself on Dean’s hand. “Now, Dean…now. Please.”

  
Dean eased his fingers out and once again, fumbled in the drawer. This time he grunted in frustration. He rested his forehead against Castiel’s. “We can’t. I don’t have any condoms.”

  
“I thought Coasties were always prepared.” It didn’t matter to Castiel. He was in bed with the man he loved. There were other ways he could show Dean he loved him.

  
“That’s boy scouts, dumbass.”

  
Castiel chuckled and then he flipped Dean to his back, startling the man. “Plan B,” Castiel said cheekily.

  
“We have a Plan B?” Dean looked up at him, amusement on his face.

  
“We do now.” In a few moves, Castiel was sixty-nining Dean. He licked a stripe down the length of Dean’s cock and Dean moaned, thrusting up, seeking more. “Use your fingers, Dean…fuck me…” Now, he could smell Dean’s sex. The heady scent made his cock throb.

  
Dean’s fingers were inside of him again, thrusting in and out. Castiel had to be careful not to snap his hips. He didn’t want to choke Dean. His lover’s mouth felt so good on his cock. He gently rolled his hips, giving Dean a few inches of his dick at a time.  
He felt Dean’s fingers against his prostate and he grunted. The feeling was indescribable. Heat flowed through his veins and every time Dean brushed against that small, seemingly insignificant gland, Castiel cried out.

  
He was so close. To prolong the feeling, he concentrated on Dean’s pleasure. His hand worked Dean’s cock while he mouthed Dean’s balls. It wasn’t working…he felt his nuts draw up. Felt the fire in his belly. He tried to pull out of Dean’s hot mouth. He lifted his head and gasped, “Dean, coming…” Dean gripped the cheek of Cas’ ass with is left hand while his right continued to fuck into Cas. He held him tight and Castiel’s orgasm rocked him. Dizzy from the intensity, his hips rocked erratically. He felt Dean’s mouth around him, swallowing as he milked Castiel dry.

  
Once the aftershocks wore off and Castiel could function again, he took Dean into his mouth. He sucked Dean hard and fast, his hand guiding Dean’s cock down his throat. Dean’s hips were thrusting up, fucking Castiel’s mouth. He knew Dean was coming undone. He wanted Dean’s cum…wanted Dean to lose control. Dean’s fingers were still buried inside of him, still giving him pleasure.

  
“Cas…Cas…Cas,” Dean cried. His hot cum filled Castiel’s mouth. Castiel sucked it down, swallowing every single drop. Dean slowly pulled his fingers from Castiel’s body and Castiel rolled over on his side, his hand resting on Dean’s hip.

  
Dean reached over and Castiel felt his warm hand on his thigh. He listened to Dean’s breathing even out. Castiel slept.


	8. Grains of Sand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are falling for each other again...or did they ever stop?

Castiel was having a very erotic dream…Dean and he were…. “Puff!”

  
“Shhh. Cas is night-night.” Castiel grunted. He didn’t want to wake up yet…back to the dream…

  
“Cas!” Kali’s voice was high pitched and hurt his ears.

  
Castiel growled. He hated mornings. He sighed, kept his eyes tightly shut and settled back… Suddenly, the bed shook and Kali giggled. He opened one eye. “What…” Before he could finish, Kali was sitting on his chest, bouncing like she was in a horse race…with him playing the part of the horse. Castiel tried to speak once more, but this time a stuffed dragon was shoved into his face. The green fur tickled his nose.

  
“Kiss Puff,” Kali commanded. Castiel stared up at the little girl with the beautiful green eyes and shifted her so he could get his arms out from under the covers. He took the offered dragon, looking at the much loved toy carefully before puckering up and giving it a loud kiss on it’s strangely frightening mouth. Kali giggled and the sound of her laughter made Castiel happy.

  
“Kali, let’s go get breakfast.” Kali crawled across the bed and stood up so Dean could pick her up. “Breakfast in fifteen,” he called out to Castiel as he left the room. Castiel laid in bed for a few more minutes, drinking in the fact that he’d woken up in Dean’s bed. Instead of it being awkward, Kali was there, making him feel like he belonged. Like he really belonged.

  
He rolled his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. He stretched and ambled to the bathroom. He’d just flushed to toilet when Dean’s voice came through the closed door. “Cas? You decent?”

  
“Is Kali with you?”

  
“No.”

  
“Then I’m decent.” He heard Dean chuckle as he opened the door. He was naked and he was amused by Dean’s flushed cheeks and the way he averted his eyes.

  
“We left the kitchen looking like a disaster area. I made a command decision and we are going to mom’s place for breakfast.”

  
“I don’t have a toothbrush.” Castiel eyes went to the Coast Guard tattoo on Dean’s arm.

  
Dean opened a drawer and pulled out a new toothbrush and laid it on the counter. Castiel traced the outline of the inked anchor. “When did you get this?”

  
“Right after I got out of basic. I got this one…” Dean pointed to his other bicep, “…right before I started officer training school.”

  
“I like them. It makes you look badass,” Castiel said as he unwrapped the toothbrush.

  
“I’ve always looked badass.” Dean smeared toothpaste on his own brush.

  
“Dean, you were a total twink when we dated. Twinks are so not badass.”

  
“I was not a twink,” Dean’s pout was adorable.

  
“A cute twink, but a twink none the less.” Castiel began to brush his teeth. Dean stuffed the brush in his mouth, still pouting. Side by side, they brushed, spit, brushed again and rinsed. It was very domestic and Castiel wondered what their lives would be like in five years…ten years…would they still be together. He didn’t want to think about their future, one day at a time, that’s all.

  
Castiel dressed in the same thing he wore last night with the exception of a pair of boxer briefs from the laundry basket at the foot Dean’s bed.

  
Dean called for Kali and scooped her up when she came running down the hall. “Ready to go?”

  
“Grammama,” she said with a toothy grin.

  
Dean buckled Kali in her carseat while Castiel studied how the straps went. It looked complicated. Did every place you put a child have to have all those straps. He felt like he would fail at Parenting 101. Castiel crawled into the passenger seat of Dean’s Jeep. It was nice and looked fairly new. He thought about Dean’s Impala and asked, “Are you going to get the Impala up and running?”

  
“I hope to soon. I’ve moved her to Bobby’s garage, but I really haven’t had a whole lot of time to see what needs to be done. Between work and Kali, it doesn’t give me much spare time.”

  
“I loved that car.”

  
“Yeah, me too,” Dean said wistfully.

  
Mary’s bakery was the only coffee shop in town and one of the few places that served food. The place was crowded. Castiel spotted a small two-top table and they made their way to it. Dean handed Kali to Castiel and went to get the wooden highchair in the corner. Mary waved from behind the counter.

  
_He was standing in Mary’s kitchen, watching the woman take a cake out of the oven. Not just any cake. It was Castiel’s birthday. His mother never celebrated her sons’ birthdays. She would give them a ‘gift’ of something they needed…underwear, socks, new sneakers for school, but it wasn’t a celebration. Birthdays were a call for celebration in the Winchester household. He sat down on the barstool at the center island and watched her work._

  
_“Castiel, Sweetheart, you can go watch TV with the boys. You don’t have to keep me company.”_

  
_“I love this kitchen, Mrs. Winchester. I feel at home here…like I belong to a family.” The look she’d given him wasn’t pitying. She’d smiled and touched his arm. You are family, Castiel. I look at you like another son.”_

  
_She let him help her fix his birthday meal of her special meatloaf. He’d learned to cook in Mary Winchester’s kitchen._

  
_After he found out Dean wasn’t coming back, he drifted away, losing the relationship he’d once had with the woman who was more of a mother to him than his own._

  
Looking at Mary now, behind the counter, Castiel felt stupid for pushing her out of his life. He knew in his heart that the woman would never question him and she would let him back in…no questions asked.

  
Becky came out to take their order, pulling Castiel’s thoughts back to the present.

  
“Two coffees, a dozen assorted donuts and a milk,” Dean told the perky blonde.

  
“Coming right up, Dean. Hey, Cas.”

  
“Good morning, Becky,” Castiel replied. Castiel nodded and waved to several people he knew, fisherman and townspeople alike.

  
Becky brought a plate of donuts and sat it in the middle of their table. “So, I heard you two were dating. I think that is so fabulous. You both look like models…it really isn’t fair to the women of Winchester Bay, but I’m really shipping this relationship.”

  
“Shipping?” Dean asked, brow cocked upwards in a look of mild confusion.

  
“I’ll explain it later, Dean,” Castiel said quietly. He hadn’t known what shipping was either until he’d spent a few minutes in Becky’s company at a party one night. “Thank you, Becky.”

  
Castiel leaned across the table after Becky left them. “Shipping is a term that loosely means people like the idea of the two of us in a romantic relationship…a ship is the shortened version of relationship.”

  
“O….kay,” Dean drew out the word. “So, Becky likes that we are in a relationship?”

  
“Yes,” Castiel replied, handing Kali a simple blueberry cake donut. He bit his own maple donut and sighed. Anything Mary baked was amazing, but her maple donuts were his personal favorite.

  
“So…uhm…what are you doing the rest of the day?” Dean asked.

  
“I’m going out today. The crew is meeting me at the dock at eleven.” Castiel had given his crew a small reprieve by setting the time later in the morning. They’d only be out about seven hours today.

  
“Oh…yeah, right, I forgot you usually fish on Saturdays.” Dean looked like he wanted to ask Castiel something, but he seemed almost afraid.

  
Castiel tilted his head. “Did you want to do something together…today?”

  
“Well…I didn’t have any plans…” Dean let his sentence fade, before looking at Castiel pensively. “Hey, Cas, I’m…like…not dating anyone but you…are we exclusive?”

  
Castiel couldn’t help it, laughter bubbled up and he roared. People turned their heads to look at them. Dean was frowning like he was the butt of a joke and he didn’t like it.

  
Finally, Castiel collected himself. “Dean, the gay dating pool in Winchester Bay is six. Six people, Dean, and two are lesbians. That leaves four. I’m not really worried about you dating anyone else unless you have a thing for eighteen year olds or bears.”

  
Dean face blushed scarlet. “No…uhm, not into them.”

  
“You could always come out on the boat with me,” Castiel changed the subject quickly because Dean was looking out of sorts.

  
“I can’t take Kali.” Crap, Castiel had briefly forgotten about Kali. He looked at her, happily eating her donut and waving at the people sitting around them. Dressed in the pretty little dress with the bumblebee embroidered on it. Now that they were dating, Castiel needed to remember things like babysitters, meal planning, nap times. It would make things a little more difficult, but Castiel was willing. If he dated Dean, Kali was a part of the package. A big part that he was falling for more and more with every time he was around her. “No, we can’t risk anything happening to Little Miss Bumblebee,” he said in a playfully childlike voice. After all, he was talking to a little girl. “Maybe we can do something tonight?” He suggested in his normal speaking voice.  
“Dinner and a movie?” Dean suggested. “I’ll cook this time.”

  
“That’s fine. I’ll give you a call when I dock. I usually shoot for five or so on Saturdays.”

  
They finished up their breakfast, waved goodbye to Mary and got back into the Jeep. They drove back to Dean’s house. “I’ve got to get going…”

  
“Yeah, I know.” Dean leaned over and kissed Castiel. Castiel was still smiling when he pulled the SUV into the parking lot of the marina.

 

Despite the short hours today, their catch was good. The salmon were plentiful in warmer waters of the late summer. As they pulled into the marina, Castiel sent Dean a text that he’d be there soon.

  
Fifteen minutes later, Castiel was standing at Dean’s front door. He may have been presumptuous, but he had a change of clothes and his toiletries inside a duffle. “I brought a change of clothes. Do you mind if I shower and get the smell of fish off?”

  
“Sure. You know where everything is.” Castiel stood under the spray in Dean’s shower, taking longer than usual because…water pressure…real water pressure. He didn’t often complain about living on his houseboat…but water pressure…. He had to force himself to get out of the shower. He dressed in a pair of jeans and a plain black tee.

  
Castiel helped Dean set the table and it wasn’t long before they sat down to a great steak dinner. Castiel watched Dean cut up a few bites of steak into small pieces and set them on Kali’s plate. Castiel looked down at his plate. He cut up some of his baked potato and placed it on the toddler’s plate. Kali reached for the potato and Castiel took her hand in his. “No, Bumblebee, it’s hot.” He got a bite on his fork and blew on it a few times before holding it out to her. She opened her mouth and took it from him. He didn’t see Dean’s lovestruck face, or he would have been overwhelmed.

  
After the dishes were done and Kali was bathed, the three sat on the couch. Dean had put in a movie called Finding Nemo. Soon, Castiel found himself deeply invested in the little lost fish. Kali fell asleep between the two men and Dean reached for the remote. “What are you doing?”

  
“Turning of the cartoon.” He looked at Castiel like he was dense.

  
“No, the movie isn’t over,” Castiel said sternly. He was vaguely aware of Dean taking Kali upstairs.

  
“Hey, Cas, we can finish this another…”

  
“No, Dean.” Castiel loved the turtles and Dory. “Isn’t Dory funny…she kind of reminds me of Garth.”

  
“Yeah, freakin’ adorable,” Dean said morosely. Castiel was very aware Dean was trying to get him in bed. Dean made several attempts at seduction, but Castiel made him wait. Dean’s fingers traced seductive circles on Castiel’s neck. He scooted right up to Castiel’s side and nuzzled his jaw. When he brought his palm up to cup Castiel’s crotch, Castiel actually hissed at him. “I’m trying to watch the movie, Dean.”

  
Castiel wasn’t immune to Dean’s advances, his cock was half hard. Dean didn’t need to know that though. The closing credits began to roll and Castiel looked over at Dean, who by this time had his arms crossed and was wearing a sullen expression. Hiding a smile, Castiel asked innocently, “Do you want me to spend the night?”

  
“Yeah,” Dean said, petulance still in his voice.

  
“Are you pouting?” Castiel asked with a chuckle.

  
Dean glared at him. “You have no idea what I had to do today to buy condoms. I will pout if I want too.” Aware Dean would be embarrassed buying condoms at any of the local establishments, he reminded himself to get the story out of Dean later.

  
Castiel began to laugh. Dean scowled and jumped onto Castiel, pushing them both off the couch and onto the floor. Castiel landed on top of Dean. His laughter died and he wore a smile as he leaned down to kiss Dean. They kissed for a few moments, Castiel relishing in the fact that they could take their time…do what they wanted. And right now…he wanted Dean. He could feel Dean’s erection against his thigh.

  
“Upstairs,” Dean said huskily.

  
By the time they got to Dean’s room, they’d left a trail of shoes and clothing up the staircase and down the hall. Their jeans were undone and hanging off their hips. Dean dropped down to his knees and pulled off Castiel’s pants and boxers with one swift motion. Castiel looked down at the man he loved…on his knees…his beautiful mouth so close… When Dean took Castiel’s cock into his mouth, Castiel gripped Dean’s hair. “Fuck, Dean.”

  
Dean’s hands were cupping Castiel’s ass tightly as he worked up and down Castiel’s cock. When he looked up through his eyelashes at Castiel, Castiel thought he was the most beautiful person in the world. He wasn’t perfect, but God, he was close enough for Castiel. Dean dropped a kiss on the tip of Castiel’s dick and stood up. He shoved his jeans and underwear to the floor and kicked them off. Castiel pulled him into his arms, one of his hands cupping the back of Dean’s neck and one gripping his waist so hard that he knew he’d leave a bruise. He didn’t care. Dean was his and his alone. He wanted to leave his mark. He kissed Dean’s jaw and dragged his lips up to Dean’s ear. “Don’t make me beg for it, Dean.”

  
The sound that came from Dean’s mouth was feral, a low growl that started deep in his chest. It made Castiel’s balls tighten. Dean put his hands on either side of Castiel’s face and took his mouth, hard and wet. Castiel whimpered and Dean took his lower lip and dragged his teeth over it. When he pulled back, his words were raspy with need. “You will never have to beg…”

  
Dean pulled Castiel to the bed and all but shoved him to the mattress. Castiel gazed up at Dean, standing over him. The man was stroking his cock and Castiel couldn’t take his eyes off of it. Engorged with blood, it was heavy and has a reddish hue. Castiel wanted it…wanted it so bad he could taste it.

  
Dean reached over and opened the drawer to his nightstand. He pulled out the lube before he picked up the box of condoms off the dresser.

  
Castiel was so hard, he ached from it, his arousal making the dark hairs traveling from his navel to his bush wet. Dean knelt over him and licked it up. When he was done, he moved up to lap at Castiel’s nipples. With a small push, Castiel rolled Dean over on his back and latched onto one of Dean’s nipples. He used his teeth to nip at the tight bud. Dean arched his back and cried out, “Yes.”

  
Yes, Castiel remembered…he remembered Dean loving his nipples bitten and sucked hard. He remembered and he took advantage of it. His mouth suckled Dean…nursed at him…all the while his hand held Dean’s cock in a loose fist and pumped up and down, catching the drops of precum on his thumb and rubbing around the head of Dean’s cock with every upstroke. With his other hand, he cupped Dean’s balls and rolled them with his fingers. He put just enough pressure that Dean gasped as he rode the thin line between pain and pleasure. “Stop…please…don’t want to come…like this…” Dean begged.

  
“Shhhh,” Castiel whispered and blew a puff of air over Dean’s sore nipple. He released the tight hold he’d had on Dean’s sac. “How do you want me, Dean?”

  
“Huh?” Dean asked, obviously blissed out.

  
“I’m assuming you want to fuck me…knees, back, how do you want me?” Castiel was happy to bottom for Dean, but he hated giving up control. Dean might think he was calling the shots, but Castiel was guiding his choices.

  
“Back. I need to see you, Cas.” Castiel moved to take his position, but Dean was suddenly above him holding his finger to Castiel’s lips. “Don’t move.”

  
Dean stood up and picked up something off the dresser. Castiel saw it was a lighter when the man began lighting candles. He must have lit a dozen or more. When he was done, he touched the button on his iPhone and soft music started. Castiel was touched. Dean was making this romantic. Castiel lay on his back, propped up on his elbows, a look of wonderment on his face. “When we’re old and gray, you can never say I wasn’t a romantic bastard,” Dean said shyly.

  
Dean’s words…when they were old and gray made Castiel’s heart melt and he couldn’t help it when the tear made its way slowly down his cheek. God, he was getting sappy in his old age. “Hey…Cas…what’s wrong?” Concern made Dean’s baritone rough.  
Castiel shook his head and tried to find words. Dean crawled up the bed to pull him into his arms. “Sorry…happy tears…God, I sound like a girl….”

  
Dean chuckled. “Yeah, you do. But that’s okay.” Soft music played and they continued to just hold each other. Castiel’s eyes flicked from the romantic candlelight to Dean’s profile. Dean’s fingers combed through Castiel’s hair and it was soothing. Castiel’s hand was flat on Dean’s belly, just below his navel and he could feel the small trail of hair there. Dean broke their silent thoughts by placing a light kiss at Castiel’s temple. “I want to make love to you, Cas.”

  
Castiel tilted his head up so his lips met Dean’s. Their cocks had softened but weren’t completely flaccid and Castiel let his fingertips stroke the underside of Dean’s shaft. “Feels good, Cas.”

  
Dean shifted so he was over Castiel’s body, looking down into his eyes. Slowly, excruciatingly slow, Dean’s mouth lowered to Castiel’s. It was merely a brush…the softest of touches. Castiel felt Dean’s cock line up with his and he spread his thighs, lifting them up to wrap around Dean’s waist. Dean smiled and let his hips roll, the velvety slide of his cock against Castiel’s felt exquisite. Dean angled his head and brought his lips down again. This time, he used his tongue to open Castiel’s pliant lips. His tongue swept the inside of Castiel’s mouth, felt along his palate, drifted over his teeth…slow, languid, loving. Castiel was lost in all the sensations Dean’s hands and mouth brought him.

  
Dean pulled away and let his mouth moved down to the scruff along the line of Castiel’s jaw. Dean continued his tour of Castiel’s body by licking and sucking on Castiel’s nipples before brushing delicate kisses down his sternum to his navel. Dean dipped his tongue inside the small indention and swirled it around. Castiel’s legs released their grip on Dean’s waist and he let them fall to the mattress.

  
“Dean…tickles…stop…” Castiel’s hand made a half-assed effort to push Dean away.

  
Dean kissed each of Castiel’s hip bones, ignoring Castiel’s cock. He flattened his palms against Castiel’s thighs and pushed them apart. Castiel looked down into Dean’s eyes and lost himself there. “Give me a pillow, Cas.”

  
Without taking his eyes off Dean, Castiel reached over and grabbed the corner of a pillow and pushed it in Dean’s direction. “Lift your hips, Babe.” Castiel complied and Dean pushed it under his hips. The tip of his tongue pressed against the skin under Castiel’s balls and Castiel shivered. Was Dean really going to rim him? That was one thing they never tried in their youth. It was the ultimate act of intimacy…Will had done it for Castiel, but Castiel hardly ever…thoughts of Will disappeared when Dean finally lapped at Castiel’s hole Castiel gasped as Dean’s wet, hot tongue licked around his entrance.

  
Castiel could not control the sounds coming out of his mouth. He whimpered, mewled…soft sounds begging Dean and urging him on. He’d never felt closer to anyone. This was Dean…this was his soulmate.

  
“Dean…” Castiel keened, “…please…”

  
Dean pushed his tongue in further. Castiel couldn’t take it…he needed to feel Dean’s lips under his. He clawed at Dean’s hands and dragged him up. His kiss was almost frantic. Their body heat scorching…hot skin against hot skin.

  
“You’re so beautiful, Cas. God, I can’t get enough of you.” Dean whispered, looking into Castiel’s eyes. Castiel projected each and every emotion he felt into his eyes, wanting Dean to see his love. “Cas…I…I…”

  
Castiel put his finger over Dean’s lips, hushing him. “No promises.” If Dean ever said those words, Castiel wanted to make sure he meant them.

  
Castiel couldn’t read Dean’s face. Emotions flashed by too fast…much too fast. Then Dean shocked him. His heart shuddered as Dean picked up the bottle of lube and placed it in Castiel’s hand, physically closing Castiel’s fist around it. “Get me ready, Cas. I need to feel you…inside of me.” Castiel didn’t need Dean’s words…he knew right then…Dean loved him. More than that, Dean trusted him.

  
“Dean, what…what are…” He needed Dean to be very sure…there could be no regrets…not now…not ever.

  
“Do it, Cas.” Dean moved off Castiel and rolled to his back. Castiel sat up, lube still clinched tightly in his fist. He was unsure…scared. As far as he knew, Dean had never… Dean took Castiel’s other hand and placed it on his cock. “See what you do to me?” Dean groaned and fucked up into Castiel’s palm. Castiel closed his eyes and leaned in to kiss him softly. Then he knelt between Dean’s legs. Dean spread his thighs. Castiel looked from the juncture between Dean’ thighs to his bright green eyes. He looked just as nervous as Castiel was.

  
Slowly, carefully, Castiel prepped Dean. He wanted this to be so good for Dean. He took his time, whispering, touching, running his mouth over Dean’s balls, up his cock. He had two fingers inside of Dean and Dean was rocking on them. He’d located Dean’s prostate and he purposely brushed against it over and over, making Dean mewl like a kitten. “Can I…”

  
“Yeah…another,” Dean panted out. Castiel poured more lube onto his fingers and added his third finger. Soon Dean’s body got into the rhythm again. Castiel’s other hand caressed Dean’s thighs, his balls, his hard cock…roaming over Dean’s heated skin, not staying in one spot long. Dean grunted when Castiel added another. Castiel was patient. He worked Dean’s hole until it was open and slick, still teasing Dean’s prostate enough to make Dean shiver.

  
“I’m going to pull out now, Dean. It’s going to feel strange.”

  
Castiel knew the feeling well, the emptiness…the need to be filled again. Dean licked his lips. He was watching every move Castiel made. Castiel rolled the condom down his shaft and poured more lube into his hand. He stroked it up and down. He met Dean’s eyes. “Once the head is in, it will be easier. I’ll go slow and you tell me if you want to stop.”

  
Dean nodded, still watching with apprehensive eyes. Castiel lined the head of his cock against Dean’s hole. “Dean, when I start pushing in, you push back…okay?”

  
“Yeah,” Dean said breathlessly.

  
Castiel pressed inside and he felt Dean tense up and then push back. Castiel paused, letting Dean adjust. Dean finally nodded and Castiel pushed in another inch…then another. When his balls were against Dean’s ass and he was fully inside, he didn’t move. He rubbed his hands over the tightly bunched muscles of Dean’s thighs. Dean was breathing through the discomfort and Castiel felt his muscles relax under his touch. Dean was the one to begin moving his hips. “Okay…I’m okay. Do it, Cas.”

  
Castiel pulled out just a few inches and pushed back in. He wanted Dean to feel loved and cherished. This wasn’t a quick fuck, for the first time Castiel understood the term making love. He saw the exact time that Dean’s pain subsided and a warm pleasure took its place by the look in Dean’s eyes. Their movements got faster and faster. Soon Dean was begging Castiel to fuck him harder…faster… Castiel moved his hands up Dean’s thighs…over his stomach…fingers spreading over Dean’s chest. His fingers pinched at Dean’s nipples, pulling on them. “Come for me, Dean. Come on my cock.”

  
Dean’s hips bucked as each of Castiel’s thrusts hit that one delicious spot…again and again. Dean reached for his cock and pulled on it. He worked it roughly. “God…God…Cas…Love you…Love you….”

  
Castiel’s rhythm faltered. His eyes were huge. Had Dean really said… “Dean.”

  
“Goddamn it, don’t you fuckin’ stop now.” Dean body was writhing under him. Castiel slammed into him, skin slapping against skin. Castiel drove into Dean, his thrusts frenzied...erratic. Dean’s release made him scream Castiel name. His cum erupting onto his belly and chest. His body tightened around Castiel’s cock, milking him… He tumbled over the edge seconds after Dean.

  
Castiel lifted off of Dean. He smiled, Dean looked almost comatose. He pulled off the condom and sat on the edge of the bed, his back to Dean. Dean pressed up against his damp back. “I meant it. It wasn’t just the heat of the moment.”

  
Castiel let his head fall back and Dean kissed his bared throat. “I love you, Cas.”

  
“I never stopped loving you, Dean.”

  
Dean wrapped his arms around Cas. “I know…”


	9. Oceans Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a night of lovemaking, Castiel takes on fatherhood.

**Sunday**

  
Sometime around two, Castiel awoke. He wasn’t sure why. At first, he wasn’t sure where he was. Dean’s house. Dean’s bed. He was wrapped around Dean’s body, the big spoon. He let his fingertips skim along the surface of the warm skin of Dean’s back.  
“Hmmm?” Castiel smiled, he hadn’t meant to wake Dean, but he was glad he did.

  
“By my calculations, we have two more condoms to use,” Castiel said, his voice husky with sleep.

  
“Yep. But you get to buy the next box.” Castiel murmured his assent. His cock was fully erect and lying in the cleft of Dean’s ass. He reached over to the nightstand and picked up the lube and carefully worked Dean open. It didn’t take much since it had only been a few hours. Castiel lifted Dean’s thigh and took him from behind. Sliding into Dean’s hot, slick body took Castiel’s breath away. He raked his teeth raking over Dean’s shoulders. Their bodies moved slowly against each other. They came with soft gasps and then Dean fell right back to sleep. It took Castiel longer, he was content to cradle Dean against him.

  
“Cas.” Kali’s high pitched voice woke him. He felt movement beside him and knew Dean was awake as well. Kali was on standing beside the bed, her face inches from his. She patted his face with her hand. Castiel took her little hand in his and brought it to his mouth. He pretended to bit her fingers, making growling noises like a fairy tale beast. Kali giggled and that was all he could ask for.

  
“Hey, Kiddo. Daddy’s going to get jealous,” Dean said from behind him. Castiel turned over to look at Dean. Even this early, the man was exquisite. Hair standing on end, a red crease across his cheek from where he’d laid on his pillow…still beautiful.  
“Bumblebee is a child of exquisite taste. Don’t fault her for that.” Dean’s response was a swat with his pillow against Castiel’s face. Before he could retaliate, Kali’s voice rang out.

  
“Poop.”

  
“Was she just commenting on my statement or does she have to…you know?” Castiel peered at her inquisitively.

  
“Poop,” Kali repeated, now with a hand on the seat of her pants.

  
“Kali, go to the potty. Daddy will be right there.” Kali turned and fled. Dean got up and snatched a pair of sweats from his dresser drawer. “Poop means poop. I think she is a little young to be calling you out on your bullshit. Give her a few years.”

  
Dean followed his child out of the room. Castiel roused himself to rummage through Dean’s drawers until he found a pair of sleep pants. They were a size to big, so they rode low on his hips. They’d have to do for now. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror above the dresser and saw love bites along his neck and shoulders. Dean had marked him. He looked up when Dean came back in the room. Castiel’s smile faded when he saw Dean’s expression. Stormy would be the word he’d use to describe it. “What is it?”

  
“I just never want to share you with…anyone else.” No, not stormy…possessive.

  
Dean was feeling possessive and Castiel liked it. He cocked his head sideways, a slow smile on his face. “Ditto.”

  
Castiel decided to make pancakes and even found some chocolate chips to create a smiley face for Kali. “Cas, she can’t have chocolate in the morning. She’ll be zinging off the walls.”

  
“Dark chocolate has less sugar than the donuts you let her have yesterday,” Castiel retorted matter-of-factly. He expertly flipped a pancake in the air much to Kali’s delight.

  
“What are your plans for the day?” Dean asked casually.

  
“I’ve got to take care of a few things on the boat…grab supplies…check some of the rigging. What are you doing?”

  
“I was going to work on the Impala.”

  
“Good. I’m glad,” Cas said sincerely, giving Dean an encouraging look.

  
They cleaned the kitchen together and Castiel was emptying soap into the dishwasher when Dean spoke. “Cas, after I left. Did my father…say anything…to you?”

  
Castiel took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Despite all he’d done, John was still Dean’s father. Speaking ill of the dead was never a good thing. He didn’t stop wiping off the stove and didn’t look at Dean. “He went out of his way to avoid me, but sometimes…he spread rumors…a few things happened…”

  
“Like what?” Dean’s tone was steady, but Castiel knew him…knew him intimately. He heard the slight tinge of anger in his words.

  
“Sugar in my gas tank, lines cut on a few of the boats, the word fag spray painted on my mother’s house…I could never prove it was John, but I knew.”

  
“Motherfucker!” Dean was furious.

  
“Dean, it’s history. Don’t worry about it.”

  
Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist and rested his chin on Castiel’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry. I left without even thinking that he would take it out on you.”

  
“You couldn’t have stayed, Dean. Not with the way his was.” It took Dean coming back for Castiel to be able to say those words and mean them. They stayed like that for awhile, Dean quietly holding him. Kali finally made a fuss because they weren’t paying attention to her and Castiel swung her up into the air. “What are you going to do with Bumblebee while you work on the car?”

  
“Mom is going to watch her.”

  
At the door later, they kissed goodbye and Dean whispered, “Come by tonight?”

  
“Sure. I’ll be here around five.”

  
Castiel did some maintenance on the Angel II’s engine and checked the lines for wear before heading over to Michael’s. Michael was watching a baseball game.

  
“How’s it going?” He asked, handing Castiel a cold Coke from the fridge.

  
“Good.”

  
“Just good?” Michael asked.

  
“Okay, so Dean told me he loved me last night,” Castiel gushed, a grin splitting his face.

  
Michael smiled and shook his head. “You know I’m happy for you, right?”

  
“I know. And I know you worry, but this time…this time it’s different. I don’t know…I can’t explain it.”

  
“It seems like he’s changed…grown up. Are you ready to be a dad?”

  
Castiel looked away and shrugged. “It’s not that far along yet, Michael. We love each other and I love Kali, but becoming her stepdad…not sure about that yet.”

  
“If he asks…”

  
“If he asks, I’ll say yes.”

  
Castiel was pulling to Dean’s house when a loud boom rocked the SUV. He jumped out of the truck and looked west. Black smoke could be seen above the tree line. Far enough away to be in open sea. Dean called down from his porch, “What the fuck was that?”

  
“No sure. Too big for a boat.” Castiel said and joined him on the porch. They stood side by side on the porch looking at the smoke getting higher and thicker.

  
Dean’s cell began to ring. He looked at the screen and groaned. “We are fixing to find out.”

  
“Lieutenant Commander Winchester.” Dean barked into the phone. Hearing Dean say his rank and name in that commanding voice sent a shiver of desire through Castiel. He watched Dean intently while he responded in short, terse words to the caller. When he hung up, he looked haggard. “Oil rig explosion. I’ve got to go. Could you get Kali to my mom? I’m not sure when I’ll be back in.”

  
Castiel squeezed his hand. “Don’t worry about Kali, Dean. Go. And please be safe.”

  
Dean nodded and ran upstairs. When he came down he was dressed in his regular work uniform. He kissed Castiel goodbye and then Kali, who was in Castiel’s arms. “I love you both.”

  
“I love you, Dean.”

  
He’d watched Dean enough to know how to get Kali fed, bathed and ready for bed. Afterwards, he watched television for awhile until he got too tired to keep his eyes open. The news reported on the oil rig fire and a few people had lost their lives. Footage from a news helicopter showed several Coast Guard vessels in the waters surrounding the burning rig.

  
**Monday**

  
When he awoke in Dean’s bed, Dean wasn’t there. He knew his…boyfriend…would have had a rough night. It was early still, so he checked on Kali and then went downstairs to make coffee. When he went back upstairs, he noticed his phone on the dresser and checked it. Sure enough, there was a message from Dean. It was sent a little after six and just said he was okay.

  
At seven, while he was pouring a cup of juice for Kali, his phone rang. Dean. He wondered if he was back in port. “Hello, Dean.”

  
“Cas, where’s Kali?”

  
“She’s with me.”

  
“Daddy.”

  
He moved the phone away from his mouth and answered the child. “Yes, Bumblebee, it’s daddy.”

  
“Cas, I told you to take her to Mom’s. You didn’t have to stay with her last night.”

  
“It’s okay, Dean. We had pizza and apples and then we watched Toy Story. I love Mr. Potatohead. I can’t believe I’ve missed all these wonderful movies. Now, me and Kali are heading over to Balthazar’s place to have breakfast.”

  
“Huh? Don’t you have to take the boat out?”

  
“No, due to the explosion, we are staying in port today out of respect. We are having breakfast and then I have the rest of the day off.”

  
“Unfortunately, I don’t. With Captain Crowley still out of town, I’m running the show and we’ve got a lot to take care of. Missouri should be at the house soon. Can you hold on until she gets there?”

  
“She just pulled up. Call me later.”

  
“Okay. Love you.”

  
“Love you too.”

  
Missouri knocked and Castiel met her at the door. “Good morning, Missouri.”

  
“Well, good morning to you too, Castiel.”

  
“I didn’t have your number or I would have called. Dean was called out for the explosion last night and I babysat Bumblebee, and since I’m off today, I thought she could spend the day with me…if you wouldn’t mind.”

  
“I think that is a glorious idea,” the woman said, beaming at him.

  
“Could you…uhm…stay for a few minutes and teach me some stuff…about…babies…toddlers?”

  
He dressed Kali in a pair of jeans and a tiny t-shirt that had a fluffy kitten on it. Getting her shoes on was quite the ordeal, but he managed. Missouri observed the entire time, giving him encouraging words.

  
They arrived at Balthazar’s for the impromptu breakfast and it was funny to see four grown men acting like idiots around Kali. Gabriel kept trying to give her candy and Castiel had to threaten him with paying her dental bills for the rest of her life. He finally had to pull her out of Balthazar’s arms to leave. He went to the houseboat to pick up a few more clothes and stopped at the park to push her on the swings for a little while. It was close to lunch time by then.

  
“Want to go see Grandmama?”

  
“Granmama.”

  
“I’ll bet she’ll feed us lunch.”

  
After he left Mary’s, he drove to the office. He gave Kali a few highlighters he found stuffed in a drawer and some copier paper. While she sat on the floor and colored, he took care of some invoices. Out of the five brothers, Castiel was the one who handled the bookkeeping.

  
“Now, just a quick trip to the grocery store, Bumblebee.” He put her in the cart and pushed her through the small store. Several women cooed at her and a few people gave him speculative looks. He had to run back to the office to drop off the coffee, sugar and creamer he’d picked up and then he could head back to Dean’s.

  
He was setting the bag down on the counter by the coffeemaker when his phone rang. “Hello, Dean.”

  
“Cas, where are you? And why didn’t you leave Kali with Missouri?”

  
“Are you mad?”

  
“No…no, I’m not mad. I just…you didn’t have to do that, Cas. Kali isn’t your responsibility.”

  
Dean’s words cut Castiel like a knife. Dean said he loved him, but obviously not enough to share his daughter. He looked down at the floor where Kali stood playing with his truck keys. He knew his tone was several degrees cooler. “Do you not trust me with your daughter, Dean?”

  
“What? God, no. Cas, no, it’s not that…it’s just that she’s a handful and you’re…you’re new to the whole parenting thing.”

  
Had he jumped to conclusions? His tone was warmer when he responded, “Then it’s time I learned, isn’t it?”

  
“Where are you? I’m home.”

  
“Kali and I are down at our office. Why don’t you stop by and then we can go to dinner.”

  
“I’m wiped out, Cas. I just want to grab a bite, shower and sleep.”

  
“I’m sorry, Dean. Of course, I wasn’t thinking. You’ve been up all night. We will be home in a few. I’ll stop and get dinner from The Roadhouse. Go ahead and take your shower.” Castiel pushed the stroller to The Roadhouse and ordered for them. He sat at the bar with Kali in his lap while he waited. Ellen looked at him warmly.

  
“You look good with her, Castiel.”

  
“She’s…she’s amazing.” He found himself blushing under her stare. He couldn’t wait to get out of there.

  
When he got to Dean’s, he let himself in and looked around. Dean wasn’t downstairs, so he put dinner on the table and put Kali on the floor with her blocks. “I’ll be right back, Baby Girl.” He stepped over the baby gate at the bottom of the stairs and made his way to Dean’s room. Dean was sprawled out on the bed in a pair of sleep pants bearing the logo of the Dallas Cowboys. There were still shadows under his eyes and Castiel hated to wake him. He went back downstairs to feed Kali.

  
Around seven forty-five, Castiel washed Kali off with a washcloth and got her ready for bed. After a quick story, she was out like a light. Dean was still sleeping, but he needed to eat something.

  
“Dean? Dean, you need to wake up and eat something.” Castiel murmured. He got no response, louder he said, “Dean, wake up.”

  
Dean blinked up at him. Castiel sat on the edge of his bed, his hand rubbing Dean’s back. “Time is it?”

  
“It’s after eight.”

  
Dean sat up. “Eight? Kali?”

  
“Shhhh. Don’t worry about anything. Kali’s been fed, bathed and is asleep. I read her a story.”

  
“Ah, Cas, you’ve done so much with her today. You didn’t need to do all that. You should have got me up.”

  
“Why? You were exhausted, Dean. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of Kali.”

  
“You’re going to spoil me,” Dean said, pulling Castiel down for a kiss. He tried to deepen the kiss, but Castiel pulled back.

  
“Later. Now, you need to get some food on your stomach.”

  
Dean followed Castiel downstairs and saw the plate on the table. A beer sat beside the baked chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans. There was steam coming off the food. “I microwaved it before I came upstairs.”

  
“Thanks, Cas.” Dean shoveled the food into his mouth like he was starving. When he finished his beer, Castiel brought him another one. Castiel sent Dean back upstairs after insisting on cleaning up the kitchen.

  
When he came upstairs, Dean was under the covers. He crawled in beside him and realized Dean was naked and sound asleep. He watched him sleep for a few minutes and then turned off the lamp.

  
**Tuesday**

  
He’d been aware of Dean’s alarm going off, but he went right back to sleep.

  
“Cas, you need to get up. It’s seven.” Dean was shaking him. He opened his eyes. Dean was showered and freshly shaven, dressed in his uniform.

  
“Five minutes,” he replied grumpily.

  
“No can do. I’ve got to leave.” Castiel opened one eye. “Fine.”

  
Dean kissed him. “I’m going to go see Kali. Missouri should be here in about ten minutes.”

  
Castiel made a shooing motion with his hand and Dean left the bedroom. A few minutes later he heard the doorbell peal. That would be Missouri. He pulled on some sleep pants and made his way downstairs. Dean was still in the front hallway with Missouri. They both looked up at him. Missouri looked amused and Dean…well, Dean looked like he wanted to eat him. Missouri whispered something to Dean that made his boyfriend snort with repressed laughter.

  
He walked over to them and kissed Dean and smiling at Missouri. “Good morning, Missouri.”

  
“Good morning, Castiel.

  
Still in his sleep pants, he walked Dean to his Jeep and they kissed again. “I’m staying at my place tonight, Dean.”

  
“What? Why?” Dean didn’t appear to be happy with that news.

  
“You need to rest and spend time with Kali. She missed you yesterday.” Even though he’d miss them, he knew Dean needed to spend time with his daughter.

  
“But…” Castiel put his finger to Dean’s lips.

  
“I have a few things to take care of, Dean. Just relax. I’ll see you on Wednesday.”

  
“I love you.”

  
Castiel wrapped his hand around Dean’s neck and pulled him in for another kiss. “I love you, Dean.”

  
He went back inside the house. Missouri sat on the couch knitting something. Kali was in her highchair eating cereal. “I’m just going to go get dressed.”

  
“Take your time. I trust you saw your man off with a kiss,” she said knowingly.

  
He blushed and nodded before bounding up the stairs. It seemed like the entire town was shipping them. Damn Becky for teaching him the meaning of that word.

  
That evening, the Angel II and the Sheba were side by side coming into the harbor. The crews shouted insults at each other as the made their way to their berths. Castiel saw that his other brothers were already docked and unloading.

  
He was shutting down the engine when he saw Dean standing on the dock holding Kali. He grinned and called through the open window. “What are you doing here?”

  
“I’ve got some good news,” Dean yelled up to him and held up a bottle of champagne. Castiel jumped to the deck and then onto the dock. He wrapped his arms around both Dean and Kali. “I could get used to you two meeting me at the dock.” Castiel thought of centuries of men coming home from the sea to their loving mates and families. Yes, he could get used to it…very quickly.

  
“So, what’s the news?”

  
“You are looking at the new commander of the Umpqua River Coast Guard Station.”

  
“What? No way…that’s fantastic, Dean.” Castiel whooped and spun them around. He was so proud of Dean. “Does this mean a promotion in rank too?”

  
“No, but having my own command is freakin’ awesome.”

  
“What does your awesomeness want to do to celebrate?”

  
Dean winked at him. “I’m sure we’ll think of something.”

  
“Maybe you can drink champagne out of my belly button?” Castiel teased.

  
Luc snatched Kali out of Dean’s arms. “Not in front of the baby. Jesus Christ.” He took the little girl to where the crews were loading the trucks.

  
Castiel stared after him, amused and then he turned back to Dean. Dean raised an eyebrow and whispered, “I just want to lick you all over.”

  
Castiel grinned. “Deal. Let me go home, shower and grab a few things.” He kissed Dean goodbye and watched as Dean went to take his kid back from the Novak brothers who were gathered around her and making her laugh.


	10. Below the Surface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will pays a visit. Dean man's up and Castiel deals with the pain he caused.

Castiel raced home, excited for Dean. Castiel had lived around a Coast Guard Station his whole life, he knew what this meant. The only drawback was that Dean could be stationed somewhere else. What would that mean for them? Would he ask Castiel to come with him…to leave his home, his brothers and his business? Castiel paused, sat on the edge of his bed and stared down at the shoes he was getting ready to put on. Would he leave for Dean? He would have gone with him fourteen years ago, if he’d had the chance…if he’d been asked. Resolved in his answer, he finished getting ready. As he was getting a change of underwear out of his dresser, he heard his door open and shut. “It’s me.” Came the sound of his brother’s voice.

  
“Back here,” Castiel called out and Balthazar appeared at his bedroom door.

  
“Getting ready for your big date?”

  
“Yeah.” Castile zipped up his duffle bag and looked up at his brother. “What brings you by?”

  
“Can’t a brother stop by to see if his baby brother is doing okay?”

  
“He can…but he doesn’t do it often…” Castiel gave Balthazar and amused look. “Is this going to be another one of ‘the big brothers are worried about me’ speeches?”

  
“No. I know I’ve said it before, but when Dean left you, I wanted to hunt him down and kick his ass. But…now that he’s back and since you two seem to be an item, I just wanted to tell you that I’m happy for you, Castiel. You deserve all the happiness in the world.”

  
Castiel’s soft smile said it all. Balthazar rolled his eyes. “Don’t get all mushy now. Now, change of subject. What are you wearing?”

  
Castiel looked down. “Clothes,” he said sarcastically.

  
“That won’t do. You two are celebrating tonight.” Balthazar ruffled through Castiel’s closet and picked out a dark blue chambray shirt and tossed it at Castiel. Castiel sighed and took of his t-shirt. “Matches your eyes.” Before Castiel could put on the shirt, his brother had picked up a bottle of cologne off Castiel’s dresser and lifted Castiel’s chin with his hands. He sprayed it over Castiel’s neck and chest. “There, if that shirt and the way you smell doesn’t make Dean Winchester want to throw you over his shoulder and take you to bed…well…there’s just no hope.”

  
Castiel was still shaking his head as he pulled out of his driveway. All his brothers were acting strange. That was crazy. Suddenly, they were Dean’s biggest fans.

  
He held up his hand to knock, but the door opened before he could make contact. Dean stood there staring at him, unmoving. Castiel stood for a few seconds and then cleared his throat. “You going to invite me in?”

  
Dean was blushing. What was that about? “Sorry…you just look and smell awesome.”

  
“Thank you, Dean. Balthazar sprayed me with cologne before I left. He knows I don’t wear the stuff.” Castiel made a face and shrugged. Though Balthazar had been right about Dean’s reaction. “Must be something in the air, because they’re all acting weird.”

  
Kali waddled towards them and held up her arms for Castiel to pick her up. He obliged and sat her comfortably on his hip. “Something smells good.”

  
“Missouri left some beef stew.”

  
Castiel took Kali in the living room and sat down on the floor with her. She automatically started handing him some wooden puzzle pieces. He pointed to her pajamas. “You’ve already fed her?”

  
“Fed, bathed and got her ready for bed. I figured she would want to tell you goodnight. Speaking of…” Dean held out his arms. “…Kali it’s night night time.”

  
Her lower lip began to tremble. “No, Daddy…Cas.” She wrapped her little arms around Castiel’s neck like he was going to save her from a fate worse than death. And he wanted to…he would have gladly slew dragons for the little girl. He struggled to stand with a two year old clinging to him like an octopus.

  
“Want me to read you a story, Bumblebee?”

  
“Story…Cas…Daddy.” The two men went upstairs and sat down on Kali’s bed. Dean made sure she was tucked in and Castiel began to read the Cat in the Hat, complete with sound effects.

  
Once they were sure she was asleep, Dean took Castiel’s hand and led him downstairs. Dean opened the china hutch in his dining room and pulled out two crystal champagne flutes. Castiel grabbed a dish towel and wrapped it around the bottle of champagne and opened it with a resounding pop. He poured the sparkling wine into the two flutes. He handed Dean his before picking up his own. “Congratulations, Dean. You deserved this and so much more.”

  
“I’ve got everything I’ve ever dreamed of,” Dean said softly, his eyes fixed on Castiel’s. They downed the champagne and Castiel poured them another glass. They sipped and stared into each other’s eyes. Like Gabriel so crudely put it, eye fucking. By the time the champagne was gone, they were both a little lightheaded. Castiel giggled when Dean couldn’t seem to get his boots off. When Castiel poured the last few drops into his glass he made a sad face. “Oh no.”

  
“Whatsa matter?”

  
“We drank all the champagne…none left for my belly button.” Dean frowned and picked up his flute. Castiel saw a few drops left in the bottom.

  
“Quick. Get naked.”

  
Castiel quickly stripped off his clothes and stood there in the middle of the living room buck naked. Dean stepped forward and ran his hands down Castiel’s chest and over his belly. “You’re perfect, Cas.” Castiel’s cock was starting to pay attention and Dean looked down at it. He ran his fingertip up the underside of it from base to the slit, now beading with precum. It sent a shiver up Castiel’s spine.

  
“I’m just me…not perfect.”

  
“Perfect for me,” Dean said, kneeling and pulling Castiel down to the carpet with him. Dean pushed Castiel down until he was laying on his back. He took the flute and poured the few drops into Castiel’s navel. Castiel chuckled as the cold liquid overflowed and ran down his sides. It tickled. Dean dipped his tongue in and lapped it up. Then he nuzzled Castiel’s bush before licking the head of his cock. He pushed his tongue into the slit. Castiel moaned, his eyes on Dean.

  
Dean seemed to be making love to Castiel’s cock. He licked and kissed and sucked until Castiel couldn’t think straight. “Come here,” Castiel whispered.

  
Dean crawled up Castiel’s body. “Cas…” Castiel cut him off with a searing kiss. Dean moaned into Castiel’s mouth. Castiel deepened the kiss like he wanted to crawl inside of his lover. Castiel reached for Dean’s waist and with a flick of his wrist, he had Dean’s jeans unsnapped and unzipped. Without taking his lips from Dean’s, Castiel shoved Dean’s jeans down to mid-thigh, enough to free his cock and wrap his hand around it. Dean pumped into Castiel’s fist. “Cas…need you…want you.”

  
“Fuck me, Dean,” Castiel said before dragging Dean in for another kiss.

  
“Upstairs…”

  
Castiel growled and sat up. “Fuck.” He stood and pulled Dean to his feet. Dean’s hands gripped Castiel’s hips and pushed his cock against Castiel’s.

  
“Love your cock…so beautiful…” Dean murmured, nipping at Castiel’s lower lip.

  
“Upstairs,” Cas repeated Dean’s word for seconds ago, but instead of moving he let his head roll back, exposing his neck to Dean’s teeth.

  
“Upstairs,” Dean said again. He pulled his pants up so he could walk and let Castiel go in front of him. Castiel was halfway up the steps when Dean tackled him from behind. He spread Castiel’s cheeks and ran his tongue over Castiel’s hole. Castiel moaned and tried to find purchase on the wooden stairs. Soon, he was on his knees and Dean was fucking him with his tongue. Damn, Dean was driving him insane. He moaned and pushed his ass wantonly against Dean’s tongue. He knew he sounded like a wannabe porn star, but he couldn’t help it.

  
Dean finally slowed down and then lightly kissed each cheek. Castiel turned around to look at him. Dean’s smile was feral. “Hurry, Cas.”

  
Castiel stood on trembling legs and stumbled up the few remaining stairs. Dean shut his door behind them and pulled his shirt over his head. He shoved his pants and boxers down.

  
Castiel stared at the man. He was so fucking beautiful. And he was Castiel’s. Castiel stroked his cock in anticipation of what was to come. Dean finally got his pants off and pushed Castiel down onto the bed.

  
The sex was almost savage. They bit and scratched each other, both fighting for dominance. Dean’s fingers were buried inside of Castiel and Castiel was fucking himself on them while he sucked and bit at Dean’s nipples hard enough to bruise. “Fuck me, Dean. Now.”

  
Dean groaned as he picked up the last condom. He quickly rolled it down. Castiel positioned himself on his knees , hands on the top of the headboard. Dean got behind him and pushed in. Castiel felt the pressure and the burn and began to pant. He pushed back to take Dean deeper. Dean had hold of his hips and holding him still. “Easy, Babe…”

  
“Can’t…need you to fuck me…”

  
He eased in a little more, but Castiel was not interested in his slow entry. He bucked his hips until he forced Dean to fuck him hard and fast. Dean slammed his hips against Castiel’s ass and he hissed, “Yessss.” Being taken like this…by Dean…Castiel couldn’t imagine himself with anyone else. It was like a burning need inside of him. Castiel had his hand on his cock, stroking in rhythm with Dean’s powerful thrusts.

  
Dean pounded into him at a furious pace, both men dripping with sweat and grunting from the exertion. “Want to you to come on my cock, Cas.” Dean reached around and wrapped his hand around Castiel’s fist. Together they stroked Castiel. He was so close. His balls were tight against his body, the white heat burned as he chased his orgasm. He cried out as he emptied himself on the headboard. Dean slammed into him again and again, needing his own release. His hands were digging into Castiel’s skin. “Cas…fuck…Cas…Cas.” Dean froze and Castiel could feel his cock throbbing as he came inside of his body. He rested his forehead on the back of Castiel’s neck. Castiel’s muscles were shaking and Dean rubbed both his arms. “You okay? Did I hurt you?”

  
Castiel shook his head. “No, Dean,” his said softly. He was wrung out, wrecked, but not hurt.

  
They stayed like that for a few more seconds, Castiel’s arms holding the headboard supporting them. Dean was softening and he pulled out. Castiel hissed at the slight burn and the feeling of emptiness. Cas gasped when he felt Dean’s tongue there, “Dean!”

  
“Shhhhh, let me take care of you, Babe.” Dean kissed and licked his way up Castiel’s spine. “I love you, Cas.”

  
“I love you, Dean.”

  
Dean eased away eventually and which allowed Castiel to lay down. Dean reached for his boxers and used it to wipe Castiel’s cum from the headboard. Then he curled up next to Castiel. Dean chuckled.

  
“What’s so funny?” Castiel mumbled from his pillow.

  
“It’s only nine and we’re in bed. I feel like a fuckin’ old man.”

  
“You don’t fuck like one,” Castiel said, patting Dean on his ass.

  
“I’m thirsty. Want anything from the kitchen?”

  
“Water.”

  
Dean kissed Castiel on the cheek and got out of bed. “Be right back.”

  
Castiel was amazed at what a wonderful lover Dean was. Considerate and the way he used his tongue on Castiel’s ass…damn, he never wanted to leave the bedroom. He lay in Dean’s bed and realized this was where he’d always belonged.

  
He heard Dean’s tread on the stairs. He was running. God, he sounded like a herd of elephants. He hoped Kali slept through it. Dean stopped at the doorway. The look on his face was fierce and he threw Castiel’s phone on the bed. “Will’s calling.”

  
Castiel sat up and stared down at the phone. He looked up at Dean. “I don’t need to answer it.”

  
“You can if you want to. This is the second time he’s tried, sounds like he really wants to talk to you.” Dean sounded sullen. Was Dean jealous of Will? Will was his past.

  
“Dean, I never loved him.”

  
Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. “I know. I’m sorry.”

  
Castiel picked up his phone and put it on the nightstand. “Come to bed, Dean.”

  
Dean crawled under the covers and handed Castiel a bottle of water. They drank in silence for a few moments. “I’m trying not to even think about him…” Dean whispered.

  
“I can’t help you with that, Dean. No more than you can help me stop picturing you…married. We can let the past eat away at what we have or we can bury it.”

  
Dean nodded. “I don’t want anything coming between us, Cas.”

  
“Then don’t let it.”

  
They were both silent for awhile, Castiel could almost hear Dean’s thoughts, but finally Castiel couldn’t stay awake any longer.

  
**Wednesday**

  
When the alarm sounded the next morning, both men got up and showered. The soapy handjobs made them later getting dressed, but neither seemed to care. They shaved side by side. Castiel enjoyed having a routine with Dean now. It was so domestic that Castiel let himself imagine a future…a real future with mortgages, Kali going to school…dating…the prom. Castiel ran downstairs to fix the coffee while Dean got Kali up.

  
Once Dean and Kali got downstairs, Castiel handed Dean his coffee in his travel mug. He grinned at Castiel. Castiel smiled back while he poured poured Apple Jacks onto the tray of Kali’s highchair. He took his own travel mug and kissed Dean before dropping a soft kiss to Kali’s head. “See you tonight?”

  
“Yeah. I’ll figure out something for dinner.”

  
“Okay, bye, Dean. I love you.”

  
“Love you too. Be careful.” Castiel opened it just as Missouri was coming up the walk.

  
“Good morning, Castiel. It’s a lovely morning, isn’t it?”

  
“It is. Have a good day with the little princess.” Castiel may have been whistling when he got into his SUV. It was going to be a good day. And it was. The seas were calm and the catch was plentiful. It got even better when he pulled into his berth that evening and Dean was standing on the dock with Kali. He grinned. “I’m going to get used to this, Winchester,” he called down from the pilot house.

  
Dean hung out while the boats were offloaded and the tally sheets filled out. Castiel couldn’t help but let his eyes drift to Dean and Kali again and again. Ash elbowed him when he caught him. “It’s great to see you so happy, Boss.”

  
When he finished for the day and walked over to them, he kissed Dean and then Kali. “I need to go home and shower.”

  
“I’ll come with you.”

  
Castiel’s brow furrowed. Something was off. Dean wasn’t acting right. “There’s no need for that, Dean. I’m just going to shower and pack some clean clothes for tomorrow.”

  
“Cas, Will’s in town.”

  
“Damn.” Castiel closed his eyes. Not this…not now. Why would Will do this to him? “Have you seen him?”

  
“Yeah.”

  
Castiel stared at Dean intently. Did they meet? What was said? It made Castiel really nervous. “Dean…”

  
“Don’t worry. I didn’t say anything. I won’t say anything. He’s your past and I…I trust you to…take care of it.”

  
Castiel couldn’t help but smile. “Thank you, Dean.” He clasped Dean’s hand. “Is that why you wanted to come with me, in case Will is there?”

  
“I said I trust you to handle it…and that’s the God’s honest truth, Cas, but I’m only human. I want him to see me by your side.” This was a side of Dean Castiel had never seen.

  
Castiel simply nodded. “Come on then. I guess I can’t put this off any longer.”

  
They decided to ride together and left Castiel’s SUV at the docks so they wouldn’t have to change out the carseat. “Dean, you have to understand that I cared for Will. He helped me through a rough time.”

  
“Yeah, I got that.” He knew Dean didn’t like it, but he didn’t have to…he did have to accept it though.

  
“I’d hoped after things settled down after the accident…I’d hoped we could be friends. That’s all it will ever be, Dean. Can you accept a friendship between Will and I, if it comes to that?”

  
Dean took his eyes off the road to glance at Castiel. Dean nodded, but his lips tight. Castiel knew he could trust Dean to let him handle things and that made everything okay.

  
Castiel took Dean’s hand in his, interlacing their fingers.

  
Will’s car was parked near the dock. Dean’s hand in his felt clammy. “He’s here,” Castiel whispered.

  
“Cas, you don’t have to see him. We can turn around and I’ll take care of it.”

  
“No. I’m okay.” Dean parked the Jeep next to Will’s red Miata. Will was leaning against the railing of the dock and he straightened when he saw Castiel get out of the Jeep. Dean opened the back door to get Kali out, but Castiel beat him to it. He stood aside and let Castiel unbuckle her. This was something Castiel had to do. He had to let Will understand that they were a family now. That it wasn’t just a thing that would run its course. This was real.

  
Castiel picked her up and sat her on his hip. Dean walked at his side.

  
Will looked at Dean briefly and then turned his attention to Castiel. “Castiel…you look good.”

  
“Thank you. Will, this is Dean and his daughter, Kali.” He knew Will…he used to know him intimately. He saw the sadness in Will’s eyes, but he saw acceptance too.

  
“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Will said to Dean. His words were stiff and Dean looked uncomfortable, but he held his own.

  
“I’m doing my best to make up for what you probably heard,” Dean replied. Kali began to get fussy. Was she picking up on the tension? Castiel patted her back and made a cooing sound to sooth her.

  
Will turned back to Castiel. “I tried to call you last night and when you didn’t answer, I got worried,” he said quietly.

  
“I’m fine, Will. I’m sorry I didn’t answer. I was…busy.”

  
Will winced like he knew what Castiel had been busy with. “I shouldn’t have come.”

  
He stepped off the dock and made a move to walk past them. “Will, please…” Castiel started. But what could he say?

  
“Castiel, I love you enough to want you to be happy…even if it’s not with me,” Will said softly and Castiel knew he meant them. He was hurt, but he would be okay. Castiel blinked back tears.

  
Dean surprised him by touching Will’s arm. “I love him. And I will spend the rest of my life making up for the pain I caused him.”

  
Will nodded curtly. “You do that. You hurt him again and you won’t be able to find a place to hide from me.”

  
Dean’s mouth twitched, but Castiel saw a hint of admiration too. No, Will didn’t stand a chance against Dean. Dean knew it. Will knew it, but the message behind it was real. Dean was being challenged and Castiel needed to say something.

  
“Will…” Castiel began, but Dean shook his head.

  
“No, Cas. Will has the right.” Dean turned back to Will. “I won’t hurt him…and look, Cas…Cas cares about you. I hope you know that.”

  
Castiel knew his face relayed his shock at Dean’s words. He looked at Dean, mouth slightly agape. Will raised his chin and straightened his shoulders. “I…thank you…Dean. I wish you both the best.” He began walking to his car.

  
Castiel felt like his heart was breaking into. Will had meant so much to him at one time. He had been a friend, a confidant, a lover. He’d hurt him before, now he was doing it again. Dean took Kali from him and nodded towards Will. “Go tell him goodbye, Cas.”

  
Castiel smiled his appreciation at Dean for understanding and he ran after Will. He reached him just as the Will was opening his car door. “Will, wait.” Will turned. “I was such a shit…”

  
“Shhh. Castiel, you never made me promises. I always knew I couldn’t ever have your heart. At least I know now that you are happy. I could see it when you looked at him. And when he looked at you. He loves you, Castiel. You make a…beautiful…family.” Will’s voice broke on the last word and Castiel took him in his arms. The hug lasted only moments, but Castiel knew he and Will would be okay…if not now…soon.

  
“I do love you, you know,” Castiel whispered in Will’s ear.

  
“Yeah, but you aren’t in love with me.” Will broke the hug and looked into Castiel’s eyes. “I hope he knows how lucky he is.”

  
Castiel looked back towards Dean. Dean was walking down the dock towards the houseboat. His back to them. He pursed his lips, Dean loved and trusted him enough to give him privacy. He looked back at Will. “We are both lucky. He loves me. He really loves me.”

  
“Please stay in touch.”

  
“I promise.” Castiel clasped Will’s hand. “I don’t want to lose your friendship.”

  
Castiel watched Will’s taillights go around the bend in the driveway and sighed. It had gone smoother than he ever imagined it could. Dean was…well, Dean was perfect tonight. He walked down the dock towards him…towards his future. Kali saw him over Dean’s shoulder and called out, “Cas.”

  
Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist. “I love you so Goddamn much, Dean Winchester.”

  
“I love you too, Cas.” Dean leaned back into him. “Things go okay with Will?”

  
“I hurt him deeply, Dean. He says he still loves me, but he said he wants us to be happy. I don’t think he’s ready to be friends yet, but maybe someday.”

  
Dean turned into Castiel’s arms and kissed him. “Grab your stuff, I’m starving and I know Miss Priss here is.”

  
Dean stayed in the living room as Kali toddled around while Castiel packed some stuff. A few minutes later, they were in the Jeep heading towards town. Castiel was turned around in his seat tickling Kali to make her laugh when Dean dropped his bombshell. “Hey, Cas, you wouldn’t happen to own a tux, would you?”

  
Castiel actually snorted at the seemingly dumb question. “Why, yes, I wear it on Fridays. The fish love it.”

  
“Sarcasm doesn’t become you, Asshat.”

  
“What would I need a tux for?”

  
“You are my date for the change of command ceremony on Friday. You need to wear a tux.”

  
“Fuck, Dean….” Castiel was pissed. Nothing like dropping something like this on him at the last minute.

  
“Fuck,” came a small voice from the backseat.

  
“Way to go, Babe,” Dean said in a stage whisper.

  
“Sorry…God, with your mouth, how do you keep her from cussing like a sailor?”

  
“If you ignore it, she forgets. The secret is not making a big deal about it.”

  
Then Castiel remembered what he was angry about. “It’s Wednesday night, how in the hel…heck am I supposed to get a tux before Friday?”

  
“Well, I asked Mr. Google and he said there is a tux shop in Eugene. You’ll have to rent one and we’ll see about buying you one later.”

  
“Why would I need to buy a tux, Dean? It’s not like we have a lot of formal events in Winchester Bay.”

  
“You belong to the station commander now. There will be a lot of things you’ll have to attend with me. Not just here, but other stations’ events too. Change of Commands, Hail and Farewells, funerals, retirement ceremonies…weddings…yada, yada, yada.”  
“I belong to you now?” Castiel said with a lifted brow.

  
“You know what I mean, Cas. We’re together now and you’ll have to attend certain events with me.”

  
Dean explained all his duties as the new station commander and Castiel listened intently, asking an occasional question here and there. It was a lot to take in. ‘Belonging’ to someone in the military was apparently a big deal. Once home, they tossed some grilled cheese sandwiches together and made tomato soup from a can. Castiel made calls to his crew, letting them know they’d be going fishing without him, because he had to make the drive into Eugene. He bitched about the drive to Dean, but Dean kissed him and took his hand to lead him upstairs and suddenly, the thoughts of the trip were forgotten.

  
That night, their lovemaking was tender and slow. Dean got up to put on sleep pants and tossed a pair to Castiel. Late, he made Castiel be the little spoon and he was okay with it.

  
**Thursday**

  
Castiel couldn’t help but grumble the next morning. Dean gave him head in the shower to make up for it and Castiel decided to remember that bitching could be a good thing. Castiel still had to go to the docks and get his crew ready for the day. Both left the house at the same time. Missouri stood at the door holding Kali while the little girl waved to both of them.

  
Castiel found the shop that rented tuxedos and stood silently while the older woman measured him and he swore she brushed against his balls on purpose. His ‘ick’ meter was pegging out. It took almost an hour for them to get everything pulled together, right down to the shiny, black dress shoes. His next stop was a drug store where he bought condoms. If he had to listen to Dean whine about buying condoms in a town where everyone knew him one more time, he may strangle the man.

  
Back at the houseboat, he hung the tux behind his bedroom door. He opened the fridge to grab a bottle of water and the smell made him cringe. He was eyeing a few plastic containers suspiciously when his phone rang. “Hey, Babe. You get your tux?”

  
“Yes, it’s powder blue, I hope that’s okay,” Castiel said, just to fuck with Dean.

  
“Uhm…Cas…please say you’re joking.”

  
“I’m joking.”

  
“God, you’re a bastard sometimes.”

  
Castiel just laughed.

  
“Where are you now?”

  
“I’m at the houseboat. I haven’t been here for a few days and I have a few science projects growing in the fridge. You heading home at the normal time?”

  
“Uhm, no. I’ve got to work a little late tonight…getting things ready for the thing tomorrow night…you know? I cancelled dinner plans with Mom. I told her we’d come by Sunday.” Castiel had been looking forward to family dinner at Mary’s house.

Disappointed, he poked his finger at an aluminum foiled wrapped packet. He didn’t bother opening it. Into the trash it went.

  
“You want me to go relieve Missouri?”

  
“That’s alright, I already asked her to stay later.”

  
“You want me to come over tonight?” Castiel said hesitant. It almost sounded like Dean didn’t want to see him tonight.

  
“Of course, why wouldn’t I?”

  
“No reason…just give me a call when you get ready to leave the station and I’ll meet you at the house.” Okay, so he was being stupid. Dean really had to work late. No big deal.

  
“Okay, love you.”

  
“I love you too, Dean.”

  
It was close to seven when Dean called. “I’m leaving the station.”

  
Castiel drove to Dean’s place, leaving behind a clean refrigerator. Dean’s Jeep was already in the driveway when he pulled in. Missouri was just pulling away and she honked her horn. He honked back before getting out of his SUV. He ran up the sidewalk and kissed Dean, who was waiting on the porch. “You are so lucky I love you. Being fitted for a tux is demeaning. Some little old lady felt me up.”

  
“Do I need to go defend your honor? Challenge her to a duel?” Dean was smirking. It wasn’t a good look on him.

  
“Bite me.”

  
Dean snagged his arm and pulled him in for a hug. “Maybe later…after Kali goes to bed.”

  
Much later, after Kali was asleep and the nightly news played in the background, Dean lay on the couch with his head in Castiel’s lap. His fingers were combed through Dean’s short hair. “Cas?”

  
“Hmmm?”

  
“What happened the night of your accident?” Castiel’s fingers froze and he inhaled sharply. He blew the breath out slowly. He wasn’t expecting that question. Not in the least.

  
“I was stupid.”

  
Dean didn’t speak. He just waited for Castiel to continue.

  
“I heard someone say you got married…to a woman.” Castiel paused, looking but not following what was happening on the TV. “I bought a bottle of tequila on the way home that night. Will had made dinner. He’d just finished his book and he wanted to celebrate.”

  
Dean reached out and took Castiel’s hand. He brought it to his lips and kissed each knuckle. It gave Castiel courage to go on.

  
“I started drinking…and Will…needless to say, he wasn’t pleased. He tried to get me to tell him what was wrong…I…I…don’t know how we wound up in bed…he was angry…I was…I felt like my heart was being shredded…”

  
“Go on,” Dean whispered.

  
“I called out your name…when I…” Castiel couldn’t finish. He’d called out Dean’s name when he came. He’d put himself in Will’s shoes many times since then. He would not have been as forgiving as Will had.

  
“Will started packing…I should have tried to stop him…tried to fix things.” He laughed bitterly. “Like I could have fixed that… While he was getting his things together, I got dressed and took my keys. I needed to get away from him. I couldn’t stand to see the pain I’d caused. I was too drunk to stand, let alone drive. I barely made it a mile. I woke up in the hospital.”

  
Dean sat up and pulled Castiel into his arms. “I’m so sorry, Cas.”

  
“He came to see me.” Castiel gave Dean a wry smile. “He came in and said he’d forgiven me and wanted to stay and make our relationship work. He promised to take care of me and make me forget you.”

  
Dean continued to hold Castiel, stroking his face, staring into his eyes. “I told him that I’d never love him and he needed to go back to Portland. I was cruel. I said some hurtful things.”

  
“Shhhh, we don’t have to talk about it anymore.”

  
“I wanted him to hate me. I thought he wouldn’t hurt so much if he hated me.”

  
Dean kissed Castiel lightly…chastely…like he was trying to take the hurt away.

  
“I apologized to him. I was a bastard and I had to make him believe it was nothing he'd done.”

  
“Water under the bridge, Cas. We make mistakes and we learn from them. I hurt you…and you will never know how grateful I am that you gave me another chance.”

  
Castiel nodded. “I guess love is like that…you can forgive someone just about anything.”

  
Dean stood up and clasped Castiel’s hand. He gave him a tug. “Come on, let’s go to bed. You need to get some sleep.”

  
They quietly undressed and brushed their teeth. Dean pulled out a pair of sweats to sleep in, but Castiel took them and tossed them on the dresser. “You won’t need those for awhile.”

  
“Cas, we don’t have to…” He knew Dean was giving him space after having retold his painful story, but he didn’t want space. He needed Dean’s touch.

  
Castiel slid his hand to the back of Dean’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss. “Cas…” Dean groaned, “…I didn’t pick up any….”

  
“A tux wasn’t the only thing I got in Eugene,” Castiel murmured.

  
“Thank God,” Dean said, relieved.

  
Dean tugged Castiel towards the bed and they crawled under the covers. Dean drew him into his arms and took his mouth in a searing kiss. Their hands explored each other in the darkened room. Castiel’s erection pressing against Dean’s thigh and he felt Dean’s at his hip. Dean rolled them over so Castiel was lying on top of him, his legs straddling Dean’s hips. Their kisses were wet and hot. Dean’s hand ventured to the nightstand for the lube. Not breaking the kiss, he reached his hand, now coated with the slick gel, behind Castiel and parted his cheeks. He rubbed the cool lube around Castiel hole before pushing one finger inside. Castiel moaned into Dean’s mouth and rubbed his cock along Dean’s length.

  
Their breath was coming in small gasps now. Castiel sucked on Dean’s tongue, drawing it deeper into his mouth. Dean had three fingers inside of him now and he rutted against him. “Easy, Babe…I want to be inside you when I come.”

  
“Then hurry,” Cas whispered impatiently.

  
“Condom?” Dean said huskily. Castiel growled and leaned over to the side of the bed. He’d thrown the bag from the drug store down there earlier. Castiel used his teeth to rip open the foil packet and hurriedly rolled the condom onto Dean’s length.

  
He lifted his body up so Dean could guide his cock into him. Castiel let his body slowly sink down, impaling himself on Dean’s hard shaft. He lifted up and sank down, over and over…riding Dean’s cock hard and fast. Castiel let his head lull back. Back arched, he fucked himself on Dean’s dick. His cock slapped Dean’s belly every time he sank down onto him. “God, Cas…that’s it, Babe….fuck me…ride my cock.”

  
“Touch me, Dean….please.”

  
Dean wrapped his fingers around Castiel’s cock and pulled on it, jerking it just as hard and just as fast as Castiel was riding him. “Come for me, Cas. That’s it, Baby…come on…”

  
Castiel shuddered and he grunted as his hot cum painted Dean’s belly and chest. Dean thrust his hips up and into Castiel, over and over. He pounded into Castiel erratically. Castiel knew he was close. He whispered encouragement and watched Dean’s face as the man he loved gained his release. So beautiful.


	11. Cool Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean pulls out all the stops on his proposal.

The plan was for Castiel to bring his tux to Dean’s house, so they could get ready and leave from there. Castiel was nervous about this ceremony. According to Dean, top brass from all over the Pacific Northwest were coming to this thing. And here he was, the new commander’s date. For Dean to bring Castiel as his date told Castiel a lot about Dean’s feelings. This was one of those ‘out and proud’ moments…in front of the US Coast Guard for Christ’s sake.  
Dean’s Jeep was in the driveway and Castiel knocked, but didn’t get an answer. He opened the front door and walked up the staircase. He stopped at the door to Dean’s bedroom. Dean was standing in front of his uniform which was lying on his bed. An array of medals and ribbons decorated it. Castiel was both impressed and proud.  
“You going to stare at it or wear it?” Dean jumped and spun around. “I knocked, but you must not have heard me.”  
A soft smile lit Dean’s face and he looked into Castile’s eyes. “I love you, Cas.”  
“Hey…I love you too. What’s wrong?”  
“Nothing. Just a little nervous about tonight I guess.” Dean shrugged.  
“I guess it’s not every day you get to put on a spiffy uniform and accept the key to a Coast Guard station.” Castiel moved closer.  
“I don’t get a key…well, I get a bunch of keys, but not a special gold key or anything.”  
Castiel chuckled. “Hurry up and get dressed. I want to see you in that virginal white uniform, so I can imagine what I’m going to do to you in it later.”  
“You developing a uniform kink, Cas?” Maybe he was. Dean was damn fine in that a uniform.  
“Maybe. You’ll just have to wait and see.” Castiel hung up the tux behind the bathroom door and began to strip off his clothes. He gave Dean a come hither look and disappeared into the bathroom. He heard Dean groan behind him, but the man followed him into the shower.   
They kissed and washed each other. Dean shampooed Castiel’s hair. “Have I ever told you how much I love your hair?”  
“My hair? Seriously?” Castiel looked over his shoulder at Dean to see if he was teasing.  
“Yes. It’s just so…it always looks like you just had a round of hot sex.”  
Castiel snorted. “You aren’t right, Dean.”  
“Hey, I’m serious.” He ran his fingers through the wet strands. Then he gripped a handful and pulled Castiel’s head back, so he could kiss Castiel’s neck.   
“I thought you said we had to hurry.”  
“We do,” Dean murmured. Then he growled and playfully pushed Castiel away from him. “You are too fuckin’ hot for your own good.” Dean stepped out of the shower, leaving Castiel with an erection and cooling water. His boyfriend was going to pay for that later.  
A short time later, Dean stood at the mirror, adjusting his cummerbund and bowtie. Castiel was already dressed and came up behind him. He looked at Dean’s image and it took his breath away.   
Castiel kissed the back of Dean’s neck and whispered huskily, “I hope this thing is fast because I might not be able to resist taking off that uniform, Lieutenant Commander Winchester.”  
Dean shot his cuffs and turned. He kissed Castiel lightly on the lips. “You’ll just have to keep your hands to yourself tonight.”   
They had to arrive early because Dean had to make sure everything was going smoothly. Dean formally introduced Castiel to Captain Crowley, who Dean would be replacing.   
“Novak, I’ve got a lot of respect for you and your brothers.”  
“Thank you, Captain Crowley. I wish you well at your next assignment.” Much to Castiel’s dismay, Dean excused himself to check on the caterers and the bar. He was left to make small talk with the captain.  
“You must be proud of Winchester. He will make a good commander.”  
“I’m very proud of him,” Castiel said, his eyes following Dean around the large room.  
“Ahhh, young love,” the captain chuckled. “Can’t keep your eyes off of him, huh?”  
Castiel blushed. Dean returned to them, saving Castiel from further embarrassment. Dean escorted him to their table. It was on a dais and Castiel felt as if every eye in the room was on them. And unfortunately, that was the case. The ceremony started and Captain Crowley took the podium. “Station’s Company, Attention!” All those in uniform stood at attention. Castiel stood next to Dean, hands at his sides.   
The Change of Command seemed to take forever. Castiel tried to follow along, but he was too distracted by Dean. Seeing him like this was so different. It was almost like he was a different person. The way he carried himself…the commanding way he spoke…Castiel almost wished John Winchester was alive to see this Dean. The bastard never respected Dean…Castiel could only hope that wherever he was…heaven or hell, he could see Dean now.   
What seemed like an hour later, Dean took his place next to Castiel and the meal was served. Castiel wasn’t sure about the protocol about speaking, so he remained mute. He was still in awe of Dean. Dean leaned over and whispered in his ear. “You’re beginning to look constipated, Cas. Snap out of it.”

Castiel smiled tentatively. “I’ve just never…I couldn’t begin to imagine…Dean, I am so proud to be…” Castiel drew a blank. What could he possibly say to express the way he was feeling?

“I’m still me, Cas. You’ve seen me naked.”

Rufus Turner, an older man who’d been introduced to Castiel before, coughed. “Unbecoming.” Cough. “an officer.” Cough, cough. Dean grinned across the table at him.

“Well, he has,” Dean said just loud enough for Rufus to hear.

Turner looked up at the ceiling. “Lord, give me strength.”

Dean left the table and made his way to the bar. He came back with a drink and sat it down in front of Castiel. “Drink it. It’ll make you feel better. You look like you want to bolt.”

Castiel felt like he wanted to bolt. Every time some high ranking officer came up to talk to Dean, he felt like a deer in the headlights. He couldn’t embarrass Dean, so he remained silent. Dean sensed his discomfort and he took Castiel’s hand under the table. Castiel felt Dean’s thumb rubbing over his knuckles, grounding him. “Easy, Babe, just imagine them all in their underwear. That’s what I do.”

Finally, it was over and Dean stood at the door saluting each military member and shaking hands with the civilians. Castiel stood at his side, murmuring ‘nice to meet yous’ and shaking hands. When the last person walked by them, Castiel sighed. “Is it over?”

“Yep.”

“Thank God. Let’s go home.” Castiel couldn’t wait to get out of the restricting tux and get his man in bed.

“Well, there is one more step,” Dean murmured apologetically.

Castiel growled. “What now?” He knew he sounded petulant, but he was tired of watching everything he said and did.

“I…uhm…have to go aboard the Chinook and officially take command of her.” Castiel rolled his eyes at the back of Dean’s head as he led them across the lawn and up the gangway. The crew, still in their white uniforms stood at attention when Dean boarded and Castiel had to admit, it thrilled him. Dean took Castiel up to the bridge. Everyone was in their places. “Come on, I’ve got to go to my office for a second.”

Obediently, Castiel followed Dean down the ladder to below decks. There was a placard on the wall with Dean’s name and rank. So, this was Dean’s office… Castiel looked into the small room at the cluttered desk and was about to comment when he felt the deck vibrate below his feet.

“Did someone start the engines?” Castiel asked, looking at Dean in confusion.

“Sounds like it. Maybe maintenance is doing some routine repairs or something.” Dean was lying. Castiel knew him long enough to sense it. 

“At eight o’clock at night?” Dean quickly snatched Castiel into his office and kissed him. Castiel couldn’t react. His hands groped for purchase on Dean’s desk behind him. The noise he made was not manly in the least, more like a startled pig. It took a second, but he finally got into the kiss. And what a kiss it was…Dean’s tongue was almost down his throat. He gave Dean a slight push. He needed to breath. Castiel laughed softly and murmured demurely, “Why, Lieutenant Commander, what would your men say?”

“That I’m the luckiest man alive,” Dean said seriously. 

Castiel’s smile faded. Dean’s face was so serious, so full of love. “Oh, Dean…”

“I am, you know? I love you so much, Cas.”

Bells rang and Castiel furrowed his brow. Something was going on, but he didn’t understand what Dean took his hand. “Come on.”

“Is it time for the ceremony?”

“Something like that,” Dean said noncommittally.   
Dean led him up on the deck. Castiel looked around, the damn boat was under way. The deck was deserted and strings of twinkling lights were all along the railings. “Dean? What’s going on?”

Dean didn’t answer him. He tugged at Castiel’s hand until Castiel let himself be led to the bow of the big boat. He noticed they were almost to the entrance to the harbor. He faced Dean and opened his mouth to demand answers, but Dean was looking at him…he looked scared.

Dean reached into his pocket and held something small in his hand. When he dropped down on one knee, Castiel’s heart seemed to stop. The world disappeared until it was only Dean, kneeling before him. Castiel looked down into Dean’s eyes, shiny and dark in the twinkling lights. “Cas, I know it hasn’t been long since we…since I found you again. But…but you are the only man I could ever love. I want to spend the rest of my life proving to you how much I love you. Will you marry me?”

Castiel couldn’t stop the damn tear. He couldn’t find his voice either. His lips trembled and all he could do was nod. “Is that…was that a yes?” 

Castiel nodded again. Dean stood up and pulled Castiel’s face to him. Castiel could almost taste Dean’s desperation. Did he really think Castiel could have said no? That he could have denied Dean anything? Surely he wasn’t that dense… Castiel responded to the kiss, pushing Dean’s tongue aside, so he could assault his man’s mouth. Dean was the one who finally pulled away, leaving Castiel breathless…from the kiss or the proposal, he couldn’t have told anyone.

“Cas?”

Castiel held out his left hand. “I…I think…you are supposed to give me my…ring…now.” Dean grinned and slipped the simple band on Castiel’s finger. It fit perfectly and Castiel stared down at his hand. He was engaged…to Dean. A cheer erupted and Castiel turned to look. Dean’s entire crew seemed to be standing at the rail, all in their crisp white uniforms, clapping and cheering. Castiel caught Dean’s eye and grinned. 

He gave Dean a quick peck on the lips. Dean gripped his hand and called out. “Petty Officer Turner, take us home.”

“Aye, Lieutenant Commander, taking her home.”

Castiel and Dean stood at the rail as the boat turned around a harbor buoy and headed back to port. Castiel couldn’t seem to stop looking at his hand. Dean had gone through so much trouble to make this night memorable. “I can’t believe you did all this. This was supposed to be your night, Dean.”

“It is my night. I have everything I’ve ever dreamed of…right here.” Castiel knew he couldn’t love Dean any more than he did at that moment. Castiel was in a dreamlike state and he let Dean lead him back to the Jeep. Once inside, he ran his fingertip over the ring on his left hand. He wasn’t paying any attention to the route they were taking, assuming they were headed back to Dean’s house. Dean’s house…would it be their house soon? They would need to pick a date….did Dean want a big wedding or something intimate? So much to think about. He looked up. Dean turned off the ignition. They were in the parking lot of The Roadhouse. He frowned.

“Dean, as much as I love this place, I really want to go home and celebrate with you.”

“We are going to celebrate, Cas. There are a lot of people who wanted this for us and I couldn’t leave them out. We have the whole weekend to celebrate together.”

Castiel wasn’t convinced and he wasn’t very happy. Did it make him selfish that he wanted Dean all to himself? Dean took his hand and led him into the bar. It looked like most of the town was here. Streamers and balloons hung from the rafters and everyone was milling around. Castiel was stunned. Bouquets of flowers adorned the bar and the tables. A few local musicians were on the small stage strumming guitars. There was a small buffet of hors de oeuvres and the beer and wine were flowing. 

Someone noticed them and there was complete silence for a moment and then everyone cheered. Dean was grinning and he held Castiel’s hand aloft, pointing at the ring. All of his selfish thoughts flew out the window when he saw Dean’s mom coming towards them. Her eyes were wet with tears and she hugged her son. She turned and pulled Castiel into her arms. She was looking at him when she said, “I love you both so much.” Dean wiped his mother’s tears away with his thumb. Castiel fought tears of his own. 

“You were supposed to keep this simple, Mom,” Dean chastised gently. Ellen came up to stand beside Mary.

“Leave her alone, Dean Winchester,” Ellen cut in “…Jess’s parents handled Sam’s wedding. It’s your mother’s turn to put yours together.”

“Does this make Dean the bride?” Castiel asked innocently, a teasing glance sent to Dean. 

Dean shot daggers at him. “You shut up.”

Castiel smiled at Mary. “I’m honored that you did this for us, Mary…Mom.” It was official, he was part of Mary Winchester’s family. 

Mary’s tears were flowing freely now and she hugged Castiel like she never wanted to let him go. Dean rolled his eyes at the two of them. “Now you’ve done it.” Ellen cuffed him on the back of his head, making Mary and Castiel chuckle.

Loud and boisterous, the Novak brothers descended on them. Castiel hugged each of this brothers and they took turns slapping Dean soundly on the back. Sam and Jess joined them and soon, Castiel lost track with how many people came up to offer congratulations to them. Dean’s Coast Guard buddies arrived and soon champagne was flowing freely. He drank to each and every toast until he was well on his way to a good buzz. Castiel and Dean had gotten pulled in different directions, but Castiel never lost track of his boyfriend…he grinned to himself…fiancé. Dean Winchester was his fiancé. 

He wondered over to the bar and saw Jo. She was holding Kali and he felt a strong need to hold her. “Hey, Bumblebee.” She held out her arms to Castiel and Jo had no choice but to hand her over. He pulled her against his chest and smelled her shampoo and a sweet smell that was hers alone. He had a daughter. He closed his eyes and kissed the top of her head. 

“I guess she’s going to be yours now,” Jo whispered and something in her tone made him look up. “I guess so. Does it bother you?”

Her chin lifted and she met his eyes. “No, not really. I used to have the biggest crush on Dean and imagined I’d be the one giving him children one day. He never saw me that way though. It was always you. I know that now. I’m happy for you and Dean. Really.” He tilted his head, she meant it. He could tell. 

“Thank you, Jo. You know, Victor has always had a thing for you.” It was true. Victor, Winchester Bay’s police chief, had been eyeing Jo Harvelle since she graduated high school. She was a wild child though, but it looked like she was finally growing up. Victor might have a chance.

“What?” Jo blushed and she found the police chief across the room.

“He would never say anything because of the age difference, but the feelings are there, Jo.”

She stood on her tiptoes and kissed Castiel on his cheek. “What did Dean do to deserve someone like you?”

Castiel touched Kali’s soft hair and his eyes found the toddler’s father standing in a group of men and women in uniform. Castiel smiled dreamily and said, “He just loves me.”

“God, y’all are disgustingly happy. I want to barf,” she said with a snort. Castiel laughed joined hers. His brothers found him again and they took turns holding their new niece. They weren’t officially her uncles yet, but it didn’t stop them from trying to get the little girl to call them by their names.

“Come on, Kali….say Uncle Luc.”

“No, baby, say Uncle Gabe.”

Castiel just shook his head and walked away, knowing she was in good hands. He found his future husband and entwined his fingers through Dean’s. He nodded towards Kali, who was yawning. Castiel couldn’t help it, he yawned as well.

Dean kissed his temple and went to collect his daughter. Within minutes she was asleep on Dean’s shoulder. “She’s had enough excitement for one night.”

Mary reached up to rub her small back. “Take her home. You and Castiel go home and plan for your future.”

It only took a few minutes to get to Dean’s house and while Dean got Kali ready for bed, Castiel turned on her nightlight. He looked down at her sleeping form and realized he was just as much in love with this child as he was with Dean. When had this tiny human found such a big place in his heart? He leaned down kissed her cheek. “Cas, are you prepared for this?”

Confused, Castiel looked up. “Prepared for what?”

“Being her dad.” Castiel frowned moved close to Dean. Her dad? Dad. He was going to be a father.   
“I’ve fallen in love with her. I think I started thinking of her as mine when you had to leave her with me. I knew nothing about taking care of a child, but she was yours and I felt so protective of her. The first time she said my name…” Castiel turned away from Dean. He was emotional. It wasn’t often a man got a proposal and became a father in the same day.

“I know. The first time she said ‘daddy’, I couldn’t imagine my life without her. Now, when I see you with her…I feel like the luckiest guy in the world.”

In the bedroom, Dean lit the candles. Dean really was a hopeless romantic. He had a way of make Castiel feel cherished in bed. Raw and dirty or slow and easy, it didn’t matter. Dean turned to Castiel and held out his arms. “Come here.”

Castiel settled into his arms, his forehead resting against Dean’s. “Have I told you how fucking hot you look in that uniform?”

“Once or twice.” Dean chuckled and tightened his arms.

“Good, but you’d look even hotter out of it.” Castiel wanted to take Dean’s uniform off one piece at a time. It seemed like Dean wasn’t in a big hurry either. Pieces of Castiel’s tux and Dean’s uniform were strewn all over the floor. Both were aroused and Castiel let his eyes move up and down Dean’s perfect body. The light from the candles made Dean’s tanned skin shimmer. They moved together and Castiel let his mouth move over Dean’s throat as his hands gripped his hips, needing to hold on tight just to prove that Dean was really his. A soft gasp escaped when Dean’s cock brushed against his. Dean took them both in his strong hand and stroked them. Their precum making it slick and easy. Dean moaned and Castiel pushed into his fist, his hips rolling, needing more.

“Need you in me, Dean.” He ached with need. He tried to pull Dean to the bed. 

“Want you so bad,” Dean whispered, but he dug his heels in. “Stay here.”

Castiel watched Dean get the supplies out of the nightstand. When he guided Castiel to the dresser, Castiel knew what was getting ready to happen. He was on board with it. They’d never watched each other before. Dean carefully placed Cas hands on the wooden surface and looked over his shoulder. Their eyes met in the mirror. “I want to watch us…watch you…” Castiel’s lips parted slightly. Nothing could prepare him for seeing their bodies together like this. He gave Dean a slight nod.

His gaze was fixed on Dean as he watched him open the lube and pour it over his fingers. Dean’s eyes were hooded and there was the smallest of smiles on his lips. Dean was enjoying this…enjoying watching Castiel. Desire heated Castiel’s blood and small beads of sweat appeared on his brow. When Dean’s finger breeched him, he whimpered and undulated his hips. So relaxed and still pliant from the champagne, it didn’t take long to ready him. Dean’s lips rained small kisses over his shoulders and neck. 

Dean picked up the condom and Castiel stilled his hand with his own. They were getting married, nothing should be between them now. “I’m safe…and I know you are.”

Castiel threw back his head and arched his back ass Dean pushed into him. He rode the fine line between pleasure and pain for a minute…maybe more…maybe less. Castiel watched himself in the mirror. This is what Dean saw when they fucked… Dean must have been reading his mind. His body was flush against Castiel’s and he kissed his neck…once…twice and then he sucked on Castiel’s tender skin right between his shoulder blades. He smiled at Castiel’s image. “So beautiful…”

Castiel let his head fall back onto Dean’s shoulder in total supplication. Dean began to move, slowly at first but then he moved faster, his thrusts harder. Castiel moved with him, meeting each thrust, grinding his ass against Dean. “Watch us, Babe.” 

Castiel slowly lifted his head and met Dean’s eyes. Castiel released a soft grunt with each thrust. He was so turned on by watching their images that he could feel his orgasm building in his belly. His hands gripped the edge of the dresser…wanting to touch himself, but knowing instinctively that Dean would take care of him.

Dean was sucking on his neck, leaving love bites that would be impossible to cover tomorrow. He drove into Castiel faster…harder. “Baby…fuck…so tight…love you…want to come inside you…need you…feels so fuckin’ good…Cas…Cas…” He bit down on Castiel’s neck once more and growled softly, “Mine…you’re mine.”

“Always.” The word was said with a sigh as Dean cupped Castiel’s balls. They felt so tight…Castiel couldn’t seem to catch his breath.

“Come with me, Cas.” 

Castiel took his cock into his fist and stroked it hard and fast. Dean was gently squeezing and rolling his balls as he continued to pound into him. “Now…Cas…Cas….” Dean cried out. Castiel felt Dean’s cock throbbing…he felt the wet heat of Dean’s cum… He gasped and came, his semen stark against the dark wood of the dresser. They held each other up, neither able to catch their breath. “Love you,” Dean mumbled softly against Castiel’s ear.

“I love you, Dean.” Dean met his eyes again, a soft smile meant for Castiel alone. Castiel’s own smile was filled with satisfaction. “Always will.”

Dean’s softened cock slid out of Castiel and Dean looked reluctant to step away from him. Castiel felt Dean’s cum in hot rivulets down his thighs. Dean had made him his.

After Dean gently cleaned him and they curled up together in bed, Castiel was barely hanging on to consciousness. The excitement of the evening, the champagne and the wonderful sex made his limbs feel heavy….his mind drifting off to sleep. “When do you want to get married?” Castiel’s brows drew together. He was aware that Dean asked a question, but he was so sleepy. 

“So sleepy,” he mumbled into his pillow.

Dean bit down on Castiel’s earlobe and he growled. “Ow.”

“Were you going to sleep?”

“Yes,” he muttered petulantly. It was well after midnight.

“No, we need to decide on a few things,” Dean said impatiently.

“Talk tomorrow…” Castiel’s words were barely audible as he drifted off to sleep.


	12. The Sea Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has proposed, but will his insecurities ruin their engagement. Castiel has private time with his brothers.

**Saturday**

Over a breakfast of scrambled eggs and bacon, they discussed wedding plans. The wedding was set for the first weekend in September, just five weeks away. They agreed on a small ceremony, so Castiel wasn’t worried about the lack of time. He would have settled for a quick wedding in the county courthouse, but Dean’s mother would have had a fit. Castiel would do nothing to hurt Mary Winchester

Castiel sat on Dean’s bed watching him wrestle Kali into a cute dress and sandals. Talk of the wedding had segued into a discussion of the honeymoon. “I’ll be able to take a week’s leave and we can go anywhere you want,” Dean said, lifting Kali off the bed.

“Salmon season will be starting up, Dean. I don’t think I can take a whole week then. Why don’t we do a weekend and then we’ll plan a vacation over the Christmas holidays. Maybe someplace warm,” Castiel offered, picking up Kali to carry her downstairs.

“A weekend? What kind of honeymoon can we have in a freakin’ weekend, Babe?”

“Dean, it’s not like I’m taking my virginal bride somewhere to consummate our marriage. We’re all but co-habiting now.”

“I’m not the bride,” Dean said petulantly.

“And you’re damn sure not virginal,” Castiel retorted, with a teasing smile. “We can go to Portland or Seattle…get the honeymoon suite at a fancy hotel and never leave our room.”

“Fine. But I get to plan the vacation this winter.” Dean said, following Castiel down the stairs.

“Yes, Sir…Lieutenant Commander Winchester…Sir.” Castiel’s salute was meant to be funny, but he saw the lust flair in Dean’s eyes. He’d have to remember to be a bit submissive in bed sometime in the near future.

Dean looked at Kali and sighed. Castiel kissed him, offering a promise of sex later. “I’ve got to get a move on it,” Casteil stated, clearing off the breakfast dishes.

“What? Where are you going?” Dean looked up, confusion written on his face.

“Out.” At Dean’s crestfallen face, Castiel sat back down. “Dean, I missed Thursday. I need to get out there today.” His crew may have gone on a run without him, but Castiel needed another day. With future wedding plans, Castiel knew he wouldn’t be spending near enough time at sea.

“I know…I just thought that we’d spend our day together.” Dean took Castiel’s left hand and ran his finger over the ring he’d put there. Castiel almost gave in. Almost.

“Dean, if I’d known you were going to proposal, I would have taken the day, but I’ve got a crew waiting for me.”

“I know. It’s okay.”

He felt Dean’s disappointment, but Dean came from a fishing family. He understood. Weather permitting, he had to fish. He had people depending on him. A crew that needed to feed their families.

Castiel caught himself staring down at his ring several times during the day. A smile would crease his face and once he even had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. The man he loved had come home…they’d fallen in love again and now, they were going to get married. He was going to be a father.

The sun was dipping low in the west when Castiel steered the Angel II into her berth. As he and his crew set about unloaded the catch, he saw Dean and Kali coming down the dock. Dean called out to the other fisherman, throwing up his hand to wave.

Castiel grinned and looked down at the clipboard. He mentally tallied the numbers before he signed off on the forms, just as Dean jumped on board. “Have a good day, Babe?” He leaned in for a kiss and got a lot of catcalls from Castiel’s crew and the surrounding boats.

“Not bad.” Castiel gave Dean a quizzical look. “Where’s Kali?”

“Your brother kidnapped her,” Dean said nonchalantly. It was nice to know Dean trusted his brothers with his daughter.

“Which one, I have four, Dean.”

“Balthazar. We’re grilling hamburgers tonight. Hope you’re hungry.”

“Always.” Castiel moved away from Dean to take care of his business and Dean stepped off the boat onto the dock again. He watched Dean head for The Rose and disappear into the wheelhouse. A good ten minutes later, Castiel called up to them from the dock. “Shake your ass, Winchester. I’m starving.”

Dean, with Kali in his arms, jumped off his brother’s boat and landed next to Castiel. He looked like the cat that swallowed the canary. “What are you grinning at?”

“Just wait,” Dean said mysteriously. They got to the end of the dock and Castiel stopped in his tracks. His grin matched Dean’s. The Impala sat in the parking lot. She gleamed with fresh wax.

“She’s beautiful.” Memories…good memories came flooding back. They’d fallen in love in this car.

“Want to take her for a spin?”

“Hell, yes.” Castiel walked to the passenger side as Dean opened the back door to put Kali in her carseat. Castiel closed the door and ran his hand over the leather seat and dashboard. He heard Dean talking to someone and turned his head around. Instead of buckling Kali in, Dean was unbuckling the carseat. Craning his neck, he saw Luc take the carseat from Dean and walk away. He frowned when Luc met Michael by his SUV.

 

Dean got into the car and Castiel looked at him quizzically. “What was that all about?”

“Uhm…I think Luc just gave me his blessing to take you parking.”

“Parking? Like when we were…” Oh, wow, his own brothers were interfering with his sex life. Not that having sex with Dean would ever be a chore. But still. Because his brothers took Kali so they could…there was a bit of ick factor there.

“Yeah.” Dean grinned and the sleek, black car roared out of the parking lot. Castiel sat back to enjoy the ride. Windows down, AC/DC blaring out of the cassette deck. Castiel hid a smirk as Dean took the old logging road. When he parked the car facing the fast moving river, Castiel chuckled.

“Dean, we aren’t teenagers anymore. Fucking around in the backseat of a car isn’t my idea of a good time. Give me a nice, soft mattress any day.” Not to mention, they were both a bit bigger. Folding himself into the backseat was going to be a lot harder than it used to be.

“Where’s your sense of adventure, Cas?”

Dean opened up the car door and got out. Castiel followed. The sound of the river was a nice backdrop. Dean pushed Castiel up against the hood of the Impala. “I can’t wait to make you mine,” he whispered into Castiel’s ear. His tongue snaked out and licked it, making Castiel shiver. He was a bit ticklish there.

Dean pulled back and looked into his eyes, his forehead coming to rest against Castiel’s. “Do you ever see yourself doing anything else…besides fishing?”

Castiel tilted his head, wondering what made Dean ask that question. “Like what?”

“I don’t know…write a book, open your own business or maybe even…go to school…get a degree.”

Castiel laughed. “Fuck, Dean, I’m way too old to go to college. Fishing is what I know. I love it…love knowing my brothers and I are successful. Why? Do you ever think about doing something else?”

Dean shook his head adamantly. “No…no…I was just curious. I mean…if you wanted to…you know I’d support you in whatever you decided.”

“I know that, Dean, but I’m happy with my life. If it isn’t broke, why fix it?” Castiel rested his hands on Dean’s waist, wanting to get back to making out, but Dean took one of Castiel’s hands and brought it to his mouth. He pepper light kisses on Castiel’s knuckles.

“No reason to, I guess.” Castiel leaned into Dean as his fiancé’s lips came down on his. The kiss deepened and Castiel moaned into it. Dean’s hands dug into his hips. Castiel pushed his fingers under the waistband of Dean’s jeans, wanting to touch his sweet ass. Without losing the kiss, Dean opened the back door of the car. Castiel started to giggle. He couldn’t believe they were doing this. Dean gave him a playful shove,

“This is so high school,” Castiel said, grabbing for Dean’s hand to pull him inside.  
“Shut up. This is going to be awesome.” Dean pulled his shirt off before crawling in on top of Castiel. They were both getting into it now, Dean had his hand down Castiel’s unzipped jeans while his mouth was doing wonderful things to Castiel’s right nipple. Castiel was begging Dean to suck his cock when the sound of a siren being turned on and off startled them both. Their heads popped up over the seat and Dean groaned. Winchester Bay’s police chief was walking towards them, his police car was parked with blue lights flashing.

“You both better be decent by the time I get over there,” he called out to them. Dean looked mortified and snarled, “Son of a bitch.” Castiel couldn’t help it and a small huff of laughter escaped. “Don’t you dare say I told you so.”

“Me? Why would I say something like that?” Castiel said sarcastically, trying hard to keep his laughter inside.

Victor stood just outside the back door. His hands were on his utility belt and he looked every inch the small town police chief. “Hey, Vic. Cas and I were just admiring the view…of the river…”

“Right. Like I’d believe that.” He snatched Dean’s shirt off the top of the Impala and held it up. “You always go sightseeing topless?”

“We are very sorry, Victor. We’ll just get dressed and go home…to bed…won’t we, Dean?” Castiel said to the chief, a look of complete innocence on his face.

“Sure. Because everyone knows Vic can ruin a wet dream,” muttered Dean.

Victor exhaled slowly and drew himself up to his full height. “Winchester, don’t make me slap handcuffs on you.”

“Kinky,” Castiel said, unable to keep his straight face any longer.

Victor broke into a grin. “Get your asses home before I call dispatch and tell them y’all were up here. It’ll be all over town before morning.”

“Asshat,” Dean said, grinning. He got out of the backseat and took his shirt away from Victor. Castiel followed, tucking his own shirt into his unzipped jeans.

On their way back to town, with Victor’s cruiser right on their tail, Castiel called his brothers to find out where Kali was. “She’s at Michael’s place.”

Dean turned and drove out to the large log cabin east of town. Michael had the place built six years back. Four of the SUVs were in the driveway, which meant all his brothers were there.

When Castiel opened the door, he saw Kali playing on the floor with a pile of poker chips. Dean shook his head. “Poker chips?”

“Not like we keep Legos and dolls lying around,” Gabe said from his seat on the couch. Cartoons were on the massive plasma TV. Luc and Michael were sitting on the floor Kali and Balthazar was cleaning up a bowl of spaghetti-os off the coffee table. Castiel raised an eyebrow. He’d give his brothers a week before they all had toys at their homes.

Luc looked up at Castiel. “Guess what they say about older men lasting longer is a lie. You two weren’t gone long. Dean a little quick on the draw?”

“Kiss my ass, Luc,” Dean snarled without much venom. “Victor showed up and made us leave.”

The four brothers laughed long and loud, much to Castiel and Dean’s embarrassment. He watched in amusement as each of his brothers took turns kissing the little girl goodnight. Yep, Kali was going to be one spoiled little girl.

After bathing and putting Kali to bed, they finished what they’d started by the river. They lay in each other’s arms while their breathing returned to normal. Dean was quiet. Too quiet. Castiel wasn’t surprised when Dean started talking. He started out by saying that his father was a bastard for buying the land out from under Castiel, then he shocked Castiel by declaring that he’d had Sam put his name on the deed making Castiel the official owner of the land adjacent to Castiel’s small, narrow lot. “I was going to wait and give it to you when we got married, but I thought…if you wanted to…we could build a house up there.”

Castiel, still riding the high from Dean’s lovemaking, sat bolt upright. “Dean, what? God, you are so…fucking…perfect.”

Dean laughed. “Yeah, I am. Adorable, smart, sexy, amazing in the sack…”

“Okay…” Castiel shook his head, a teasing smile on his face. “…conceited, stubborn…”

The next hour was spent designing their dream house. Castiel feel asleep to dreams of walls of windows overlooking the river.

**Five Weeks Later…**

Castiel spent most nights at Dean’s these days. The plans for the wedding were being handled by Mary with the men being asked an occasional question or two, at least that’s how it was supposed to be. Castiel stayed busy as one fishing season reached its end while another was ready to begin. It meant changing rigging, ordering different types of bait.

Dean on the other hand was driving him nuts. Castiel thought that having his own command would keep his fiancé busy…and in some ways it did, but Dean had underlings to carry out his orders. When he got home from work, he tended to get obsessive about the smallest things. It was so bad, Castiel chose to sleep on the houseboat a few nights. Giving both of them a break from each other. Did it cause fights? Oh, yes. Dean got his feelings hurt and when Dean’s feelings were hurt…well, Castiel’s life was miserable.

“I don’t give a flying fuck. It’s insane,” Castiel snarled at the cost of their new licenses. His brothers all stared at him, their faces ranging from mild amusement to full on smiting.

“Castiel, it’s only ten dollars more than last year,” Michael said, trying to appease the youngest of the siblings.

“And ten dollars more for each boat…that’s a fifty dollar increase.”

“I paid more than that on…” Gabe began, but Castiel’s look of ire stopped him.

“What is this really about, Castiel? Because I would bet my next catch that you aren’t this pissed off about the cost of our licenses,” Luc said, his arms crossed.

Castiel scraped his hands down his face. “Dean is driving me fucking nuts. This whole wedding thing…he’s treating it like it’s the Normandy Invasion. He’s gone all prima donna. Everything’s got to be just perfect. I don’t see how Mary has kept from killing him. It was supposed to be easy. Mary would handle everything…”

It wasn’t just the wedding plans that was causing friction. Dean hadn’t come right out and asked Castiel to stop fishing, but he’d read between the lines. Dean didn’t want him to go out in the boat any more. It was like he had an irrational fear that Castiel was going to die at sea. Castiel changed the subject quickly whenever he felt Dean building up for another discussion on the dangers of commercial fishing. Last week, he’d left a Portland newspaper on the dining room table about five men drowning after their fishing vessel was capsized in rough seas.

Another bone of contention was Dean’s constant questioning of Castiel’s readiness for fatherhood. It wasn’t like he didn’t think Castiel loved Kali, no, he never questioned that. That in itself would have driven a stake in their relationship. Dean was more subtle. “Kids get sick, Cas. Kids are expensive, Cas. Kids are messy, Cas. Kids are loud, Cas. Privacy is a premium when you have kids, Cas.”

The least of their worries should have been the house. They’d hired a wonderful architect. They’d gushed over the plans he’d come up with. It was the perfect house. Until a week ago, then Dean began wanting to change things, form the color of paint to the size of the laundry room. Each change cost money, not to mention the architect’s time.

Thankfully, they’d made up quickly. Okay, makeup sex defused any disagreements. There was still underlying tension, but Dean was trying.

Forty-four hours and counting, Castiel was at the houseboat trying to read after another fight about Kali. He looked at the clock and imagined Dean putting Kali down for the night. He hated missing that small ritual. They took turns reading to her and then both kissed her goodnight before making sure her nightlight was one. They always stood at her door, hands clasped, looking at their sleeping daughter. When had he started thinking of Kali in those terms? His daughter. She was his daughter too. They hadn’t talked about it, but he wondered if Dean would let him adopt Kali?

His phone rang and he frowned. Why was Dean calling this late? Unable to keep the hurt and anger out of his voice, he answered. “Dean.”

“Cas…look…I’ve been a dick.” Castiel was silent, unable to come up with a reply. “I’m sorry. I love you and I won’t ever question your judgment again.”

“Bullshit.”

“Cas…”

“Dean, you will always question my judgment and I can live with that. You are a stubborn, arrogant jackass…but I love you. I love you so much it hurts.” Castiel closed his eyes as tears threatened.

“Giving up fishing would change you and then you wouldn’t be the man I fell in love with. The house is perfect just the way it is. We’ll call the architect in the morning and tell him to bid it out. And…I do know you love Kali and want her…” Dean’s voice cracked and knowing Dean was hurting just as badly helped.

“Can I come home?” Castiel asked quietly, he barely whispered, but he knew Dean could hear.

“Please.”

Castiel wasted no time in getting his stuff and speeding along the dark roads to his future husband’s house. After a heartfelt reunion at the front door, Castiel needed to go upstairs and see Kali’s sleeping form. Dean wrapped his arms around him from behind. “You love her.”

“More than life itself,” Castiel replied.

The day of the wedding dawned clear and sunny. A miracle in itself for the Pacific Northwest. Keeping with tradition, they’d spent last night apart. Standing in Balthazar’s bedroom, he stared at himself in the mirror. He was in his new tux. As an officer’s spouse, he would be attending events that required formal attire. It was a charge of over six hundred dollars on his credit card, but it did look good on him.

Luc came into the room. He walked up to Castiel and made a show of straightening the bowtie that was already straight. “Hard to believe that the baby of the family is marrying first. I thought I was going to be the first.”

“Maybe you should ask her,” Castiel said with a soft smile for his oldest brother. Luc had been seeing a woman from a neighboring town for a quite a while. Castiel liked the soft spoken woman and thought she would be the perfect mate for Luc.

“Maybe I will, but we need to get you married off first.” He looked into Castiel’s eyes. “You can still walk away.”

Castiel smiled. “Why would I do that, he’s the love of my life.”

“Yes, he is.” Luc gave him a hug and walked out of the room. Michael was the next to come in. Castiel smirked. Were they doing this in order of their ages?

“You look sharp,” he said, straightening Castiel’s bowtie. Again. “You’re probably the best looking one in the family.”

“No probably about it,” Castiel teased.

Michael didn’t share his smile. “I’m happy for you, you know?”

“I know.”

“I had my doubts. I hated Dean Winchester for what he did.” He paused, but Castiel knew he had more to say. “I could have killed him with my bare hands when I saw you lying in that hospital bed.”

“Michael…”

Michael held up his hand. “No, it’s true. But the Dean Winchester that came back…he grew up…became a man. A good man, finally deserving of my brother’s love.”

“You’re going to make me cry.”

“You always were a big baby.” Serious talk was over now. Michael slapped him on his back and left him to try to tame his unruly hair.

“Baby Bro, you clean up nice.” Gabe stood in the doorway, dressed in a tux that matched his three other brothers. They all looked very nice.

“Amazing what a little soap and water can do,” Castiel replied blandly. Gabe smirked and came forward. Castiel waited for it. He didn’t have long. Gabe’s nimble fingers came up to his bowtie and gave it a sharp tug.

“You and Dean are going to have a great life, Castiel.” When Gabe called him by his given name, Castiel knew things were going to get emotional. “You marry that man today and make us uncles again and again. I kind of like spoiling Kali…maybe want to have a few more to spoil.”

“You’re a softy. Kali knows she’s got you wrapped around her finger.”

“Nothing wrong with being a softy…unless it’s in the bedroom.” Okay, serious and emotional talk was over. Castiel groaned. “I guess it’s a little late to give you the birds and the bees talk, huh?”

“Luc gave me that a long time ago,” Castiel said, chuckling. “I’m not sure which of us was the most embarrassed.”

“Luc,” Gabe said. The brothers shared a look, a smile and then Gabe hugged Castiel tightly. “Love you, mean it.”

“I love you too, Gabriel.”

Alone again, Castiel sat on the bed and waited. Balthazar strode into the room. “Are you ready?”

“I think so.”

“Nervous?”

“Terrified,” Castiel confessed.  
“No reason to be. Dean loves you.”

Castiel stood and Balthazar reached for his bowtie. Castiel slapped his hand away. “It’s straight, leave it alone.” Balthazar turned him around to his dresser mirror. Castiel groaned. The bowtie was crooked. He let his brother fix it and their eyes met in the mirror. “We’re proud of who you are, Little Brother.”

So, Castiel’s eyes were a bit red when they got into the SUV a few minutes later. In the backseat, Castiel reached for his cell phone. It wasn’t in his pocket. “Luc, stop, I’ve lost my phone. Has anyone seen it?”

Luc held it up and waved it in the air. “I’ve been holding it. You don’t need a phone on your wedding day.”

“But…” Castiel started, wondering if Dean had tried to call.

“No buts. You future husband just needs to be patient. He’s got a bit of a potty mouth when he doesn’t get his way.”

Castiel groaned.


	13. Beyond the Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So begins their lives together as husbands. Take a look into their future.

The harbor parking lot was full, but Luc drove to the end and pulled into a reserved spot. The sign attached to a stack of crab traps read, ‘Reserved for the groom, the pretty one.”

  
Castiel laughed. They all got out of the SUV and walked down the dock. Luc and Michael led, with Gabe and Balthazar flanking him. His eyes rested on the hundred and ten foot Coast Guard cutter tied at the end. White and blue streamers fluttered in the breeze. They stopped at the gangplank. “Still time to back out,” Balthazar teased.

  
“Not a chance,” Castiel said, staring up. Dean waited for him on board. All their friends…this was it. The day he’d been waiting for all of his life. He nodded at Luc and they started up.

  
Castiel was the last to step aboard. The scene was surreal. Rows and rows of rented chairs were lined up on the dock, but he only had eyes for Dean. In his dress whites, he looked beautiful. Sam stood next to him in a tux, and next to him were Dean’s friends, Benny, Garth and Chuck. All five stood proud and tall. He was nudge from behind and he walked slowly up the aisle, following his brothers. Only when he got to the front did he see Kali, held in Missouri’s arms. Their little girl looked like a princess in her white lace dress. She clapped her hands when she saw him.

Castiel took his place by Dean’s side and they shared a soft smile, their eyes locked on each other until the chaplain got their attention.

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Lieutenant Commander Dean Aaron Winchester and Castiel James Novak.”

This was really happening. Dean was staring into his eyes and his hand was trembling as it took Castiel’s. The chaplain addressed Dean. “Lieutenant Commander, would you like to say your vows now?”

Dean cleared his throat. “Cas, I promise to honor the commitment we make today, whether I am far from home or wrapped in your arms. I acknowledge and honor the sacrifice you make by choosing a partner who serves his country. I am so lucky to have found you…again…and I promise to do what I can every single day to make you feel my admiration and love.”

“I will do everything I can to stay safe when I am away from you because I understand that I have a responsibility not just to my country, but to our life together. Every moment we are apart, trust that I am thinking of you and counting the moments until we can be back together.”

Castiel was trying so hard to hold back his tears. He knew if he started to cry, he’d never be able to get his vows out. Chaplain Franklin smiled at Dean and then turned to Castiel. “Castiel, would you like to say your vows now?”

“Dean, I promise to honor the sacrifice you are making for the sake of our country. I will abide by our commitment today even when we are far apart. I will show my love for you whether we are oceans apart or in the same room. I will cherish the time we have together and make it my duty to make you feel my love when we are away from each other.

“I will do everything in my power to stay safe at sea so I will always be able to come home to you. I vow that there will never be a day when you will not feel my love for you. You have my word that I will love and cherish Kali as my own. I promise to always adore, honor and encourage you for the rest of our lives.”

Chaplain Franklin turned back to Dean. “Do you, Lieutenant Commander Dean Aaron Winchester, take Castiel James Novak to be your husband, to cherish in friendship and in love today, tomorrow and for as long as you both shall live? To trust him, to honor him, to love faithfully, through the best and worst of times and if you should ever doubt to remember your love for each other and the reason why you stand here with him today?”

“I do,” Dean’s voice was clear and strong.

“Do you, Castiel James Novak, take Lieutenant Commander Dean Aaron Winchester to be your husband, to cherish in friendship and in love today, tomorrow and for as long as you both shall live? To trust him, to honor him, to love faithfully, through the best and worst of times and if you should ever doubt to remember your love for each other and the reason why you stand here with him today?”

  
“I do,” Castiel own hand was shaking as he joined his other hand with Dean’s.

  
The chaplain took their rings and held them aloft. “The wedding ring is the outward and visible sign of an inward and profound bond which unites two loyal hearts into one endless love. It is a seal of the vows Dean and Castiel have made to one another. Bless these rings, that Dean and Castiel, who give them, and who wear them, may ever abide in thy peace. Living together in unity, love and happiness for the rest of their lives.” Dean pushed the band onto Castiel’s finger and Castiel repeated the motion. He stared down at their clasped hands, rings glittering in the sunshine.

  
“By the powers vested in me by the United States Coast Guard and the State of Oregon, I now pronounce you married. You may kiss your husband.”

  
A loud sigh could be heard as Dean leaned in and met Castiel’s lips. Castiel smiled into the kiss when the applause broke out. Dean and Castiel both looked up and grinned out at their friends. He found Mary. She was wearing a soft smile and there were tracks from tears down her face.

  
As Dean and Castiel took their first step as husbands, a Coast Guard color guard drew their sabers. The silver blades glinted in the sun as they made an arch with the ceremonial weapons. Castiel looked at Dean in amazement. Dean winked. “Cool, huh?”

  
As tradition ruled, hand in hand, they walked to the first pair. The men lowered their sabers with perfect timing and Dean stopped and kissed Castiel. The sabers were raised slowly and they moved to the second pair, again the sabers were lowered. Dean smiled and kissed a confused Castiel. He wasn’t aware of what was going on, but it was pretty amazing. Dean whispered, “Just follow my lead, Babe. As they came to each pair, the sabers were lowered and Dean kissed Castiel. At last, they reached the end of the aisle and Castiel turned around to see the raised sabers behind them. He couldn’t wait to see the video and the pictures. He felt like he’d missed so much because his eyes never left Dean’s.

  
Dean turned them so they faced the men. Kevin Tran, the men’s friend and one of Dean’s ensigns, looking incredibly young in his dress uniform, called out a command and the men lowered their sabers as one and sheathed them. Those still seated clapped and cheered. Castiel turned to Dean with a huge grin. “I love you.”

  
“Love you more, Babe.”

  
The reception was at The Roadhouse and it was festooned with balloons, ribbons and flowers. A beautiful four tier wedding cake sat on a small table in the center of the dance floor. They broke apart when the entered the huge room. Castiel was met by his crew and was congratulated by one and all. Mary waited her turn and when he saw her, he scooped her up into his arms. “Thank you for this. Everything is perfect.”

  
“You and Dean deserve this, Castiel. You deserve this and so much more.” Castiel’s brothers joined them and the talk turned to the new house plans. When Sam jumped up on the small stage and picked up a microphone, Dean was suddenly at his side.  
“Hello, Everyone, most of you know me and for those that don’t, I’m Sam Winchester, Dean’s younger brother.” All the guests clapped. Dean took Castiel’s hand and stood at the edge of the dance floor. They both looked up at Sam.

  
“Several years ago, I remember asking my mother why people got married. It seemed like a pain in the ass and why would anyone want to give up their freedom. She told me that yes, marriage was a pain in the ass, but she said marriage is sharing your life…sharing those special moments with someone you love. To seize the day is another way of saying to share the day. I found out what she meant firsthand, now my brother will find out too. When I look at Dean, I see why he is the perfect husband for Castiel. When I look at them together, I am struck that the future looks promising. The way they look at each other, the way Dean is always touching Castiel, the way they finish each other’s sentences and yes, the way they bicker like an old married couple, all the other little ways they show how much they love each other. I want to welcome Castiel into our family as my brother. Castiel understands Dean in a way I only thought his family understood him. May they have a lifetime of happy memories. Here’s to Dean and Castiel.”

  
He raised his glass of champagne and everyone took a sip. Sam laid the microphone down and jumped off the stage. He stepped into Dean’s arms. The two brothers hugged. Castiel was glad that he’d gained another brother.

  
Luc touched Castiel’s arm before taking his turn at the mic. “We drew straws to see who would give this speech and I drew the short straw.” Everyone laughed. “With five brothers in a household, we had our share of fights growing up, but Castiel was always the peacemaker. He wanted everyone to be happy, sometimes at the cost of his own happiness.” Luc paused and held up his champagne glass to Castiel. “When Dean moved back here, I had my doubts, but he proved how determined he was to win my brother’s heart again. So, Dean, you take care of him…love him…or I’ll kick your ass.”

  
Dean grinned and everyone laughed. Castiel shook his head at his brother. Luc held his glass aloft and looked down at them. “To Castiel, my brother by birth, and to Dean, my brother by chance, I wish you both all the happiness in the world and may you bring each other patience, understanding, strength, loyalty and love from this day forward, until death to you part.”

  
Dean clinked his champagne flute with Castiel’s and they sipped. Mary came up to them a few minutes later and informed them that it was time to cut the cake. Much to Castiel’s and everyone else’s delight, Dean unsheathed his saber and sliced the first piece. Despite Mary’s warning, both men shoved a huge piece of cake into the other’s face.

  
Castiel was talking to Benny and Garth when Dean came up behind him, resting his chin on Castiel’s shoulder. “Babe, it’s time to go.”

  
They said their goodbyes and got in the Impala. Castiel was shaking birdseed out of his hair and Dean growled. “Dude, not cool, not in the car.”

  
Castiel’s eyebrow rose. “Dean, they make this thing called a vacuum. It’s a pretty cool invention. Maybe I should have gotten you one of those for your wedding present.”

  
“Smart ass.”

  
They drove to the small airstrip. Castiel watched the passing scenery, but looked down when Dean took his hand. He ran his fingertip over the two rings on Cas’ finger. “Are you really happy?”

  
“I am. Happier than I’ve ever been.”

  
“Me too,” Dean said, as he pulled the Impala to a stop outside of the metal building that served as a terminal. They each grabbed their duffle bags and walked inside.

  
“You must be the Winchesters. Congratulations! I’m Cole Trenton and I’m going to be your pilot.” The nice looking man led them out to a single engine Cessna. They boarded and watched as the pilot went through his checklist. “We’ll be arriving in Portland at six-thirty and I’ll be picking you up Sunday night at eight, is that correct?”

  
“Yes,” Dean answered stiffly. Castiel saw how Dean’s hands were clutched to the armrest so tightly that his knuckles were white.

  
“You okay?” Castiel eyed Dean with concern.

  
“Fine.”

  
“You don’t look fine.”

  
Their pilot turned in his seat. He squinted at Dean. “You scared of flying?”

  
“Not scared,” Dean said through gritted teeth. Castiel covered Dean’s hand with his own. He wanted to say something to make his husband feel better, but instinctively knew making a big deal about it in front of the pilot would have embarrassed Dean.

  
Turning back around, the pilot began to flip switches and the prop began to turn, the engine whined and soon they were rolling down the short runway. Dean looked positively green and Castiel had to look away. He leaned against the door and looked at the ground as it flew by his window. They’d been in the air for a while when the pilot informed them they’d be landing soon. Castiel turned to Dean, but he seemed like a million miles away and by the looks of things, it wasn’t a good place. “Dean?”

  
Dean’s eyes were wide. “Huh?”

  
“The pilot said we will be landing in about ten minutes and wants to know if we have someone meeting us with a car.”

  
Dean forced his attention on the pilot. “I’ve arranged for a rental.”

  
“Great. Where are y’all staying?”

  
“The Vintage,” Dean answered.

  
Castiel gaped at him. “The Vintage? Dean, that’s really expensive.” Even Castiel had heard of The Vintage. It was a five star hotel with a five star price.

  
“We’re only getting married once, Cas.”

  
Once the plane was on the ground, they thanked the pilot. Dean was playing it cool, but Castiel knew how relieved Dean was to be on the ground. They entered the terminal and picked up the keys to their rental. It was a midsized sedan and they quickly stowed their bags in the trunk.

  
“Want to eat before we check in?”

  
“Sure,” Castiel answered. Besides the piece of cake and a few hors de oeuvres, he hadn’t eaten since breakfast. Dean was typing something into his phone. “What are you doing?”

  
“Finding a restaurant,” Dean replied and then smiled to himself. Castiel wondered what that was about. He found out when they pulled up in front of El Gaucho.

  
“Dean, we’re never going to get in here on a Saturday night.”

  
“We can try. Besides, we both look pretty hot right now.” Castiel grinned. It was true. In their wedding attire, they both looked pretty damn good.

  
The host greeted them with respect when he saw Dean’s uniform. “What can I do for you this evening?”

  
“We got married today and I was hoping you could find us a table?”

  
“Congratulations. Let me see what I can do.” The sharply dressed man disappeared.

  
Castiel looked around. “Dean, you know I’d be happy with a burger or pizza.” And he would have been. This restaurant was well known for amazing steaks. It was also incredibly fancy.

  
“Cas, it’s our honeymoon. We have a kid at home, do you think we’re going to be able to do this sort of thing often? I just want it to be memorable.” Castiel gave Dean a warm smile and leaned in for a chaste kiss. Dean was nothing if not a romantic.

  
The maitre’d returned. “I do have a table for you. If you will follow me.” Dean and Castiel followed the man through the restaurant and he led them to a semi-private table near the back. He opened the menus and placed them in their hands. “As you may know, we are famous for our steaks. Your server will be Charlie. She will be with you shortly.”

  
A cute redhead came to their table and her smile lit up the room. Castiel and Dean both grinned up at her. “Married today, huh? That is awesome and don’t you to look spiffy. What are you? An admiral or something?”

  
Dean chuckled. “No, just a Lieutenant Commander.”

  
“That’s still pretty darn cool. So, you guys want some champagne? Wine? Beer?”

  
“Cas?”

  
“I’ll just have a Coke please.” He didn’t want anything alcoholic. He had plans for their wedding night and wanted to be very sober.

  
“Same here. We’re about champagned out.”

  
“Gotcha. How about an appetizer. We have fresh oysters…not that you need help or anything.” The redhead blushed a startling shade crimson.

  
Castiel roared with laughter. The girl was great. Dean just shook his head. “Oysters are definitely not needed, have you looked at him?”

  
Charlie did look at Castiel, then back at Dean. “He is pretty, you’re a lucky guy.” Castiel felt heat color his cheeks.

  
Charlie’s service was impeccable. She remained attentive without being obtrusive. Castiel adored her. When they were leaving, Castiel told her if she ever got to the coast, he would take her out on the Angel II. He really hoped she’d take him up on it. Rarely did he meet someone and form a bond with them like he’d done with Charlie. Castiel gave her his business card and she actually squealed.

  
Castiel’s eyes were wide with wonder. The hotel was beautiful. But it was their hotel room that left him speechless. There was a massive skylight that let the night sky into their room. The kingsize bed had a memory foam mattress that Dean sunk into with a sigh. “Aren’t you going get out of your uniform?” Castiel asked as he pulled on his bowtie.

  
“Eager to get me naked, Mr. Winchester?” Dean asked. Mr. Winchester. Castiel loved the sound of that. Dean was his husband. Dean Winchester was his husband. There had been a small argument about the name thing. But after finding out the red tape Dean would have to go through, logic won out. Castiel was now Castiel Winchester.

  
“I’m always eager to get you naked, Dean.” Castiel took off his cufflinks and laid them carefully on the dresser next to the huge TV.

  
Dean clasped his hands behind his head and watched Castiel undress. Castiel put a little bump and grind into it and once he was down to his boxers, Dean was looking awfully horny. He was rubbing his hand over his erection and Castiel lifted an eyebrow. “Horny?”

  
“Way past that,” Dean replied.

  
“Then I suggest you get that sweet ass out of bed and get naked because I want to make love to you under the stars tonight.” Castiel looked pointedly at the skylight.

  
Dean rolled off the bed in one swift and graceful motion. He made short work of removing his uniform and even shucked off his boxers. His cock jutted out in front of him and Castiel’s eyes fastened on it. Hard and thick, it was beautiful.

  
Dean took Castiel’s hand and pulled him close. His kiss was tender and he explored Castiel’s body slowly. He took one of Castiel’s hands and brought it to his mouth. Pornographic noises escaped Castiel’s mouth when Dean sucked on each of his fingers. Castiel’s hand was wet with Dean’s spit and Dean pushed Castiel’s hand down to his cock. “Touch me.”

  
Castiel didn’t have to be told twice. He trailed his fingertips along Dean’s length, from base to slit and back again. He looked at Dean. His eyes were closed, his dark lashes fanning over his cheeks. He dropped to his knees. Castiel loved giving head. He felt powerful and he knew he was good at it. He worshipped Dean’s cock, kissing it, licking it…tasting it.

  
“Cas, Baby…bed…” Castiel looked up at Dean, his lips wrapped around his cock. He knew how he looked and by the look in Dean’s eyes, Dean was already close.

  
He released Dean’s cock and Dean pulled helped him to his feet. Dean brought his lips down on his, and he took…he took Castiel’s mouth, there were no other words for it. Castiel opened his mouth and gave in to the kiss. It was Castiel who guided them to the bed. He have a shove and Dean landed on his back.

  
Castiel took a few seconds to locate the lube in his bag and bring it with him. He knelt on the end of the mattress and crawled up until he was between Dean’s legs. “I love you.”

  
“Love you,” Dean whispered. Castiel spread Dean’s legs, his heavy cock lying against his stomach. Castiel gazed down at him, his fingers moving lightly up and down Dean’s inner thighs. Dean lifted his hips when Castiel pushed a pillow under him. His husband was pliable, letting Castiel do whatever he wanted. Dean bent his knees to open himself and Castiel let his tongue trace circles around Dean’s entrance. Dean moaned softly. Castiel took his time licking Dean open. Without taking his mouth off Dean’s hole, he popped the top off the lube and poured it on his fingertips. He let his fingers take the place of his mouth. Lovingly, he began to work inside, one finger at a time. He hadn’t topped since before they stopped using condoms. Dean was going to get to experience what it felt like to have hot cum spurting inside of him. The hot, wet feel of cum between his thighs…

  
As he worked him open, Castiel rained kisses along the crease of this thighs. Castiel watched as Dean slowly came undone. His head moved from side to side, his fingers clinched and unclenched the sheets, his breathing was labored. Castiel thought he was the most beautiful man in the world.

  
Castiel continue to work into him, four fingers now…his mouth stayed busy kissing Dean’s balls, his cock, his belly. Dean was pushing back against his fingers, rolling his hips…Castiel knew Dean was ready. He shifted his body and guided his cock to Dean’s opening, now slick with lube. At the initial push, Dean tensed up and Castiel stopped. “Easy, Dean, just relax.”

  
Castiel waited as Dean took a few deep breaths. He gave Castiel a brief nod and Castiel continued to ease in. Castiel’s eyes never left Dean’s…another nod and Castiel began to move slowly…out and then in again. When Dean began to fuck him back, Castiel drove into him over and over. Dean lifted his hips to meet each thrust. Dean jerked and gasped and Castiel knew he’d found the perfect angle. He let his cock brush over Dean’s prostate again. “Fuck…Cas…harder, Baby.”

  
Castiel didn’t need any more prodding. He slammed into Dean, setting a fast pace. Dean was stroking his cock, rocking his hips in a rhythm as old as time. Castiel looked down to watch his cock disappearing into Dean’s tight body. He stared…so fucking erotic…he moaned softly. The sight alone was driving him close to his release. His thrusts became more erratic, his breathing harsh and fast. Dean was so tight. It felt like his cock was in a vice. “Dean…Dean…Dean…” Castiel orgasm racked his body and he cried out. Castiel continued to thrust weakly, pumping his cum deep within his husband. Dean’s hand moved up and down his cock. Through hooded eyes, Castiel watched thick ropes of cum lay stripes on Dean’s stomach and chest.

  
Not able to stay up any longer, Castiel collapsed on top of Dean, his cock sliding out easily now that he was spent. Dean nuzzled against Castiel’s neck murmuring nonsensical words against his skin.

  
They showered in the large bathroom and returned to bed. Castiel grimaced at the stains on the comforter. He didn’t think Dean would get his deposit back. Dean wrapped Castiel in his arms and they looked through the skylight. Stars twinkled above them. Dean brushed his lips along the shell of Castiel’s ear and whispered. “I’m so glad you gave me another chance, Cas. I can’t imagine my life without you.”

  
“I’d have no life without you, Dean.” Castiel mumbled against Dean’s chest. He heard Dean’s steady breathing and knew he was asleep. He followed soon after, held in Dean’s strong arms.

  
**Monday**

  
They got back from their honeymoon late Monday afternoon. After letting themselves in Dean’s house, they groaned. Their wedding presents were boxed up on the dining room table and had spilled over onto the kitchen counters. Castiel looked from the gifts to Dean. “Do we want to tackle this now, or wait until we go get Kali?

  
“As much as I dread her being in the middle of all this, I miss her.”

  
“Me too.” Castiel took Dean’s and his bag upstairs and tossed them on the bed. He raced back downstairs and they drove to Mary’s house. Mary was feeding Kali dinner when they arrived. The tiny child squealed and struggled to get out of her booster seat. When Mary released her, she ran to them. Dean picked her up and swung her into the air.

  
“I missed you, Princess,” he cooed, hugging her tightly. She let herself be held by her father for a few seconds, but then held out her arms to Castiel. He took her and breathed in her scent. God, he’d missed this feeling. Her weight in his arms…her smell…her butterfly kisses on his cheek. He closed his eyes and simply hugged her.

  
Mary offered to help them with their gifts, so while they unwrapped each one, Mary wrote the names on a tablet. Dean volunteered Castiel to write the ‘thank you’ cards. “No, we will both do it,” Castiel said sternly. Dean frowned but backed down with a muttered, ‘fine’.

  
Castiel opened a gaily wrapped package, while Dean read the card attached. “This one is from Missouri.”

  
When Castiel lifted the lid, Mary and Dean gasped. Castiel looked at the knitted blanket and then back at them. “What?”

  
“That is a wedding blanket,” Mary said softly, touching the softly woven yarn.

  
Dean simply stared at it. Finally, he looked up at Castiel. “She knew all along.”

  
“Knew what, Dean?” Castiel asked. He’d taken the beautiful blanket out and spread it on the couch. He couldn’t imagine the work that went into it.

  
“She kept telling me…stuff… She said you’d say yes. She said…her words kept me going, Cas. She wouldn’t let me give up…she made me keep trying to win you back.” Dean’s hand touched the blanket lovingly and Castiel covered Dean’s hand.

  
“Well, then, this will be in a place of honor in our new home,” Castiel vowed.

  
**Epilogue**

  
**Their First Year**

  
Dean unpacked the last of Kali’s things and tossed the cardboard box into the hallway. Castiel folded her favorite blanket and laid it across her bed. He looked around. Their daughter’s room was fit for a princess. It had taken close to ten months to get the house built and after a week, they were still unpacking. Dean was looking out the window and Castiel joined him. Kali was on the new swingset that Luc and Michael had given her. Luc was down there now, pushing her. Castiel could hear her excited squeals from the second floor.

  
“Cas?” Castiel turned to his husband. Dean looked like something heavy was on his mind.

  
“What is it?” Castiel used his fingertip to bring Dean’s chin up so he could look into his eyes.

  
“Is Kali enough…enough for you, or do you want…another…”

  
Castiel let out an excited laugh and twirled Dean around. “Yes.”

  
Dean chuckled, holding onto Castiel’s belt loops. “Yes? That’s it…no need to think about it?”

  
“Yes. I want another child. We can adopt, Dean.”

  
That night, after making love, they talked about their options. They both agreed to wait another year before trying. With gay marriage so newly legal in all the states, they wanted to make sure nothing could stand in the way for them to adopt a child.

  
**Their Second Year**

  
“Damn it, Dean. Why didn’t you tell me? Didn’t you think I had the right to know?”

  
“Cas, calm down, Babe. My blood pressure was just a little high at my last physical…no big deal…”

  
“No big deal? You’re taking pills, Dean. It was serious enough for them to give you pills.” He knew his voice was shrill, but finding the pills in the glovebox of the Impala had shaken him. Dean hiding it from him made him angrier than he’d been in a long time.

  
“Cas, Sweetheart…I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry.”

  
“You lied to me!” he shouted. His disappointment could be felt in their bedroom. Dean had his physical last month. He came home and said he was fine. A month. A month had gone by and Dean didn’t think his health was important enough to talk to his husband about.

  
“Daddy?” Kali’s small voice came from the doorway and Castiel turned, running his fingers through his hair. He didn’t want her to see him like this. Shaken…angry…hurt.

  
“Kali, Cas and I are talking about grown up stuff. Go back to your room, please.” He heard Dean shut their door. “Great job, Cas. You might want to keep your voice down in the future.”

  
“Fuck you, Dean.” Castiel pushed past Dean and took the stairs two at a time. He heard Dean calling to him, but ignored him. The SUV pealed out of their driveway. Within seconds, his phone was ringing. He ignored that too.

  
He needed to be alone. The only place he knew of was the Angel II. Unlocking the hatch, he stepped down into the galley. He fell across the bunk and pounded his fist against the wall. He didn’t know how long he stayed there, eyes wet with tears. A gentle rocking told him someone was on board. He wasn’t ready to face Dean again.

  
“Castiel?” Mary’s voice called down from the deck. He brushed his hand across his eyes, wiping away the tear stains.

  
“Down here,” he shouted. She stepped down and looked at him, a sad look on her face.

  
“Dean called me.”

  
Castiel turned away from her. “He lied to me, Mary.”

  
“Yes, he did. I’m not going to justify that. He said he didn’t want to worry you. He also says the medicine the doctor put him on is a low dosage. While his blood pressure was high, it wasn’t critical.”

  
Castiel bit his lower lip. “He could have told me that.”

  
“And he should have.” Mary didn’t say anything else and she was so quiet that Castiel had to turn to make sure she was still there.

  
“Do you think I’m overreacting?”

  
“To his blood pressure, yes. To his lie, no.” She walked forward and took him in her arms. He’s my son and I love him, but you know how he is. He wants to solve all of his problems by himself. He just saw this as another problem.”

  
Castiel sniffed. “He makes me so damn mad sometimes.”

  
“Welcome to marriage, Sweetheart. You either can learn from this or let it eat away at what you have.”

  
“I should probably go home.” Castiel reluctantly let Mary go and stepped back.

  
“You should, because you left him sitting in that house wondering if he’s lost you.”

  
“Dumbass,” Castiel muttered.

  
Mary laughed and followed him out.

  
It wasn’t their first fight or even their last, but they worked through it. That September, they applied at an adoption agency and were put on the waiting list.

  
**Their Third Year**

  
“Cas, I swear to God, you drive like old people fuck,” Dean said from the passenger seat.

  
“I’m not risking a ticket, Dean. We’re on time. Just chill.”

  
“So, have you talked to this guy?” ‘This guy’ was the man Will asked to marry last week. Tonight was to be their engagement party. It had taken two years, but Will and Castiel were friends. Good friends. Will and Dean, well, they weren’t as close, but they weren’t enemies either. Castiel would take that. The party was in a quiet club. Several people from the publishing world were there as well as other authors. Dean and Castiel mingled and had a few cocktails. The hotel they were staying at was only a half block away, so they didn’t have to worry about driving. Dean seemed to hit it off with Steve, Will’s fiancé. Castiel looked across the room at them. Dean was grinning at something Steve said.

  
“So, you are still happy?” Castiel turned to the sound of Will’s voice. He noted Will’s eyes were on Dean and Steve as well.

  
“Yes. Very happy.” Castiel took a sip of his beer and tilted his head. “What about you?”

  
“I love him. He loves me,” Will said. His eyes told Castiel everything he needed to know. “We wouldn’t have made it. And I’m glad you made me see that.”

  
They clicked their bottles together.

  
**December, That Same Year**

  
Castiel was freezing. The wind whipped across the water. His hands were red and chapped, but the catch had been good so far. He was turning the Angel II towards the next site on the chart, when Castiel saw a boat heading towards them. It was moving fast. He stepped from the wheelhouse, eyes squinting against the brutal wind. Ash came to stand beside him. “That’s Coast Guard.”

  
Castiel could finally make out the orange stripe down the side of the boat. He gripped the railing. They were coming straight at them. Had something happened to Dean? He tried to keep breathing. At fifty feet, the boat slowed and Castiel could see his husband at the helm. The relief was so great, his knees almost gave out. Ash ran to throw them a line and before the boat had even come to a stop, Dean was jumping a two foot span of choppy water to board the Angel II. He swept Castiel into his arms. “We have a boy, Cas.”

  
“What? What? A boy?” Castiel began to laugh. Chuck, at the helm of the MLB, grinned at his commander and his husband.

  
They flew to Shreveport, Louisiana, the next morning. Ethan was born to a woman in prison. The child had been in foster care his whole life because the mother would not sign over custody to the state. When she found out the baby’s father was killed in car accident, she decided she didn’t want him anymore. Ethan was eleven months old.

  
They sat in the waiting room, hands gripped tightly as they waited. The door opened and they stood. A woman and a man walked in. The woman held a baby, dressed in a blue romper. Castiel’s eyes were fixed on the child, Dean nodded to the man. “Mr. Davidson?”

  
The attorney held out his hand. “Yes, nice to meet you Commander and Mr. Winchester. This is Diana Lakeland, she is the social worker for the child.”

  
Castiel was vaguely aware of Dean discussing the details of the adoption with the attorney, but he itched to touch the infant. “Would you like to hold him?” Mrs. Lakeland asked Castiel softly. Castiel could only nod mutely. The tiny child was so light compared to Kali…of course he was, thought Castiel. Kali was five.

  
“Cas…hey, Cas.” Castiel looked up. Dean was smiling at him. “You going to let me see our son, or are you going hog him for yourself?”

  
Nervously, Castiel smiled and stepped towards Dean. He reluctantly held out the bundle. The baby waved his tiny fists and he blew a bubble of spit.

  
Christmas had come early for the Winchesters.

  
**Their Fourth Year**

  
“I can’t do this, Cas,” Dean said, standing in the middle of their large kitchen. Castiel had Ethan at his hip, trying to pack his diaper bag with one hand.

  
“Dean, it’ll be okay. We’re doing this together,” Castiel said in he hoped was a soothing voice. In reality, he wanted to slap his husband upside his head and ask for help. He’d already made sure Kali was ready, Ethan was dressed and fed. Dean was in his uniform and Castiel hadn’t even had a chance to brush his fucking teeth. “Dean, I’m going to need some help here. You’ve got to snap out of this.”

  
“Cas.” Dean looked at him pleadingly.

  
“For the love of God and all that’s holy…it’s just her first day of school, Dean. She’s not going off to college,” Castiel snapped.

  
Just at that moment, Kali bounded down the stairs, her new Hello Kitty backpack on her shoulders. Her hair was in a cute braid that had taken Castiel three tries to get right. Thank God for YouTube.

  
“You look really pretty, Princess,” Dean said softly and Castiel melted. All thoughts of strangling his husband vanished.

  
As their little girl walked up the sidewalk to the school, Commander Dean Winchester cried. Castiel held his hand as his own tears slipped down his cheeks. From the back seat, Ethan banged on the passenger window with his plastic race car.

  
**Five Years Later**

  
Castiel looked at the Angel II rocking gently in her berth. He loved her. He would miss her, but she was in good hands now.

  
On his way home, he stopped by the pharmacy in the back of the grocery store and picked up Dean’s prescription. His husband’s last physical showed he still had high blood pressure, but the pills were keeping it under control. Castiel made sure they ate right now. Less salt, less red meat and more vegetables. Dean whined about it constantly.

  
He drove up their driveway. He hoped Dean remembered to make the mashed potatoes to go with the pot roast he’d put in the crockpot that morning. Today was Kali’s last day of school before her summer break. Dean and Castiel had been planning their family vacation for over a month now and tonight they were going to tell Kali. She was going to freak.

  
Castiel let himself in the garage door. He entered the laundry room and took off his rubber boots. In stocking feet, he went into the kitchen. Dean stood at the counter pouring milk into the kids’ cups. He wrapped his arm around his husband. “I missed you today.”

  
“I hope you miss me every day,” Dean responded with a quick kiss to Castiel’s cheek.

  
“I do, but today especially.”

  
Dean looked at his husband quizzically. “Why today?”

  
“It’s an anniversary of sorts. It is the day you moved back here five years ago.”

  
“You are such a sap,” Dean said, but Castiel knew he was touched.

  
“And you love me.”

  
“And I love you. Why don’t you go shower while I get everything on the table. You smell like fish.”

  
“Duh.” Castiel stepped into the living room. Kali and Ethan were on the floor and she was helping him build something out of Duplo blocks. He was really glad he’d kept those. He bent down and kissed the top of his daughter’s head. “Hey, Bumblebee.”

  
“Cas, I made all A’s.”

  
“Of course, you did. You’re the smartest kid around.” Castiel picked up Ethan and gave him a loud kiss on his nose. “And how are you, Little Man?”

  
“Missouri let us stop by Grandmama’s after she picked me up from school and Ethan threw a cupcake at Becky. It got in her hair.”

  
Castiel tried to hide his smile. Ethan was all boy. “I guess he won’t be welcome at the bakery for a while, huh?”

  
Upstairs, he showered quickly and dressed in a pair of Dean’s sweats and one of his Coast Guard t-shirts. When he got downstairs, their meal was on the table. “Kids, dinner,” he called and Kali led Ethan by his hand into the dining room.

  
As usual, dinner was a loud affair, with both kids vying to be heard. It was after the meal, while they cleaned the kitchen, that the two men talked about their days. “Do you have your list?” Castiel asked, as he poured soap into the dishwasher.

  
“Yes, Dear…” Dean said sarcastically. “Have you heard from Will and Steve?” Their annual barbeque was next weekend and both of them had a list of things to get done. He’d bet money that Dean hadn’t even looked at his yet.

  
“I talked to him yesterday. They’ll be up Friday night. The guest room is ready for them.” Castiel still couldn’t believe Will was married, and to a police detective, no less. They were very happy and that made Castiel very happy.

  
“I’m thinking about renting one of those bouncy things for the kids this year. Thoughts?” Castiel asked as he wiped and put away the crockpot.

  
“Probably a good idea. It will keep them occupied since it’s still too cold to get in the water.” Luc had married the woman he’d been seeing for years and her two kids were great. Balthazar and his wife just had a little girl. She was still a bit young to play with the other kids though. Of course, Sam and Jess had the twins, who were now eight and wild. “You think Jo is going to last that long?”

  
Castiel laughed. “I saw her in town this morning. She is about to pop and God, was she bitching about not being able to see her feet. I’d hate to be in Victor’s shoes.”

  
“You and me both,” Deans said with a chuckle.

  
“Anyone from the Station coming?” Castiel knew Dean missed his old crew. They’d all either retired or got stationed elsewhere. As the station commander, Dean hadn’t made any really good friends after they left. He kept things professional at the station.  
“I’ve invited a few of the officers. The enlisted guys wouldn’t come even if I’d invite them.”

  
The two joined the kids in the living room. Dean and Kali played Mario Cart while Castiel worked with Ethan on his colors and shapes. Dean looked up and caught Castiel’s eyes. “Can we tell her now?” Castiel thought Dean was more excited than any kid. His green eyes sparkled.

  
Kali looked up at her fathers. “Tell me what?”

  
“Your Dad and I decided our vacation this summer should be somewhere fun,” Castiel said. All Kali had talked about for the last two years was Disney World. So, they were taking off the third week of June and flying to the huge park.

  
“Where?”

  
“Disney World,” Dean said, grinning at her.

  
She squealed and jumped to her feet. She threw her arms around her father and then raced over to Cas. “Thank you so much,” she mumbled against his neck. He would never tire of the feel of his daughter in his arms. He dreaded the day she would stop wanting her fathers to hug her and tuck her in bed at night.

  
“You’re welcome, Bumblebee.”

  
Ethan didn’t know what was going on, but he was smiling and clapping because Kali was excited.

  
Later that night, Castiel stood at the window. In the moonlight, he could see the river flowing by. Dean came out of the bathroom. “Penny for your thoughts,” Dean said, making his way to his husband’s side.

  
Castiel smiled and pulled him close. “I was just thinking how much I love you…love this house…love our kids. Life is pretty much perfect.”

  
“Yeah.” Dean cupped Castiel’s ass in his hands, which still made Castiel’s heart beat just a little faster. “You’re perfect.”

  
Castiel leaned back so he could look Dean in the eye. “I made a decision today.”

  
Dean’s brow furrowed. “About what?”

  
“I’m making Ash the captain of the Angel II.”

  
Dean pulled away, but his hands took both of Castiel’s. “Babe, are you sure? You know I’m happy about it, but I don’t want you to do this for me.”

  
“It’s time. I’ve talked to my brothers and they’ve agreed to let me run the office. With ten boats now, we need someone full time to do the books and run things. Gabriel was the one to suggest it actually. He saw the need I felt to be home earlier so I could spend time with the kids.”

  
Dean enveloped Castiel in his arms. “God, I love you.” Castiel smiled against Dean’s skin.

  
“Besides, in two years, you can retire. I want to be able to take vacations with the kids, with you.” He was looking forward to Dean’s retirement. They’d talked about it on more than one occasion. Once Dean had given the Coast Guard twenty years, he was under no obligation to continue his service.

  
Dean stiffened a little. Alarms clanged in Castiel’s head. “Yeah, about that…”

  
He turned his eyes away from Dean and sought out the peacefulness of the view from the window. “You don’t want to retire do you?”

  
“I don’t. But I will for you…for our family.” Castiel knew Dean was sincere. He would quit if Castiel pushed it. For years, Dean had wanted Castiel to quit fishing, but Dean never pushed it. Not once. He left it as Castiel’s decision and his alone.

  
Castiel put his disappointment aside. “No…I’ve thought about it, Dean. You love what you do. When you made Commander last year, I was so proud of you.”

  
Then Dean alleviated Castiel’s next worry. “I talked to Admiral Crowley this morning and he told me that if I stayed in, he would personally see that I stayed at Umpqua River for the next five years.”

  
“Then it’s settled, Dean.” He smiled at Dean and took his hand. Castiel led Dean to their bed and slowly undressed him. He kissed each inch of skin as it was revealed. When Dean was naked, Castiel pushed him back on the bed. He opened the nightstand drawer and took out the lube. Without a word, he laid on his side of the bed and spread his legs. Quickly and efficiently, he used his fingers to open himself up. He secretly knew Dean would be very turned on by what he was doing. Dean loved to watch Castiel masturbate, it was one of his kinks. He looked over his shoulder at Dean. Yes, Dean was turned on. His lips were parted, his eyes had a glazed look about them and that gaze was on Castiel’s fingers. While Dean’s eyes were on Castiel’s hand, Castiel let his roam down his husband’s body. At forty, he was still perfect in Castiel’s eyes, from his bowed legs to the freckles bridging his nose… Dean’s cock was hard and heavy between his legs and the slit glistened in the soft light from the moon. His eyes flicked up to catch Castiel’s.

  
“What do you want, Cas? Want me to fuck you…or maybe suck your gorgeous cock…tell me, Babe…tell me what you want.”

  
“Want you inside me, Dean…”

  
Dean positioned himself between Castiel’s parted thighs. Castiel felt the head of Dean’s cock at his entrance. He pushed inside and Castiel’s breath caught. Behind him, Dean let out a moan that caused Castiel’s cock to throb with need. Castiel’s body adjusted to Dean’s size and shape like it was made for him.

  
“God damn, Cas, I love the way you feel.” Dean moved over Castiel, pumping his hips up and down. Castiel wrapped his legs Dean, letting his heels dig into Dean’s ass driving him to move faster…deeper. Dean kissed him, the kind of kiss that made him weak…tongue and teeth…wet and hot.

  
They moved as one, soft grunts and sighs…slick skin against skin…moonlight bathing their bodies in blue light. Dean’s breath hitched and his hips lost their rhythm. Castiel felt him come inside of him, felt the throb and the heat.

  
As they lay there moments later, wrapped up together, breathing returning to normal, Castiel let his fingers brush through Dean’s short hair. “I love you. Always have, always will.”

  
Dean turned in his arms, facing him. “I don’t know how I got so lucky, Castiel. I love you so much. I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”

  
“You don’t ever have to imagine that,” Castiel whispered as he rained soft kisses over Dean’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the end. I hope you enjoyed seeing things from Cas' POV. I thought I'd get bored writing the same story over again, and at times, I did. But for the most part, it was amazing to see this story from two different perspectives.
> 
> On to my next story. Thank you for the kudos, thank you for the kind comments, but mostly, thank you so much for becoming a part of my life. I could not do this without you. It seems trivial to say that, but it is true. Your words keep me writing.


End file.
